Does ex wife of deceased sit with family at the funeral

Fr_Chuck · Nov 25, 2011, 02:46 PM

It all will also depend on how the family ( other part) feel and how you all get along, it has been done but with others they could not.

joypulv · Nov 25, 2011, 03:05 PM

This should be answered by the funeral director, who will act as intermediary for all of you, and advise.

kcomissiong · Nov 25, 2011, 08:14 PM

How old are your children? Etiquette be darned, but if my babies were hurting, I would be right there. I think that it is appropriate for you to be near your children to support them, and in the pew directly behind them would be a more discrete place than on the front row with the family. You are still respecting his family and new partner while supporting your children during a difficult time.

southview · Nov 26, 2011, 06:21 AM

My children are all over 30. Just feel like I'm being 'left out in the cold'. Was married for 30 yrs and feel that I should at least be allowed to sit where I want. My feeling at this point is that I do want to support them as we all try to get thru this. I don't care what the 'other's think. I knew him for over 40 yrs. I've never met her and don't want to speak to her but will be there with my head up and do what I need to do for my family. Thanks everyone.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 26, 2011, 06:57 AM

Funerals can bring out the best and often the worst in people.
I have instructions for my ex wife to be able to be at my funeral, we are still good friends and even speak on a regular basis.

But also funeral bring out the worst, I have seen the ex come and sit a row behind the family, or come and sit in the back row and see if the family like her kids will invite her up to be with them. His current wife is "running" the show, so of course a call to her or to your children who will talk to her should be what is happening.

Of course remember people in mourning and pain may say and do things they often regret latter. But I remember my aunts funeral, my mom and my aunts brother sat in the funeral home and argued over how to divide my aunts money up.

When my mom died, she had left specific instructions as to who she did not want at her funeral, Even want to call and tell someone they are not invited to a funeral.

mnerin · Dec 4, 2011, 09:45 AM

Southview, this is not about YOU. Your ex obviously had a woman for the past 10 years that was his partner in life and love. It is very selfish of you to insert yourself. You are not related to your ex. You are not family. Your children are family, and obviously old enough to sit without "mommy" to support them. You can "support" them in many other ways short of trying to upstage your ex's partner's rightful place at the funeral.

JudyKayTee · Dec 5, 2011, 07:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcomissiong

How old are your children? Etiquette be darned, but if my babies were hurting, I would be right there. I think that it is appropriate for you to be near your children to support them, and in the pew directly behind them would be a more discrete place than on the front row with the family. You are still respecting his family and new partner while supporting your children during a difficult time.

I was the second wife so I have a basis to disagree. You would be "right there" for a very brief period, and then you would be "outside."

I knew what my husband wanted, we talked about it, it was in writing. His children sat with me, his "ex" sat a row or two back.

It wasn't about her feelings - it was about respecting my late husband. OP needs to realize that this is not about her.

Would I ask the girlfriend (if she is arranging the funeral) about seating? Of course. But in my world don't just barge your way in. You'll be asked to leave.

mnerin · Dec 5, 2011, 09:08 AM

JudyKay, her "babies" are all over 30! She stated plainly that because she was married to him for 30 years, she should sit where ever she wants. I found that extremely self-centered. That's why I think she is making this about HER.

kcomissiong · Dec 5, 2011, 09:21 AM

Quote:

I knew what my husband wanted, we talked about it, it was in writing. His children sat with me, his "ex" sat a row or two back.

I agree Judy, which is why i suggested that she sit behind her children instead of on the front pew with them. She is still able to offer support to them without disrespecting the role of his partner. I'm sure that any parent would agree that they would want to support their children when they have lost someone and are hurting, regardless of their ages. The new partner is not the only person who lost someone. If his children have asked for the support of their mother, I see nothing wrong with her offering it from behind them during the funeral. (Of course, if the OP is not there in a role of support for her children, she should just find an empty pew.)

As an aside, I don't know who reddied me, but my answer certainly wasn't factually incorrect or rude.

Does ex wife of deceased sit with family at the funeral

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