I would like to ask if I am wrong feeling the way I feel about My Brothers death.... ANGRY, LOST, EMPTY ! ! ! He died very suddenly at home on the 2nd Feb this year from a massive heart attack.... But let me take you back a bit so you know what I am talking about. 3 Years ago He was diagnosed with Kidney Disease. I was a perfect match and donated one of my kidneys to him. He was doing so well after the transplant. Why did this have to happen to him ? I also feel like he has taken a part of me with him.... We were very close and I miss him terribly. I have never lost someone as close as him. How long will I cry ? Does anyone have any answers on how I can deal with this better than I am ? Looking forward to your replies.....

Tuscany

Oh honey I feel so bad for you. Sudden death of a loved one is so traumatic for those left behind. The hole that was left behind by your brother will never be filled. But, you can learn to deal with that hole, and use it to grow and prosper. My mom always says that she thinks about what kind of woman my dad would want her to be. She then uses that, and strives to make him proud.

Dealing with his death is something new that you need to deal with. Nothing helps like the passage of time, unfortunatly we cannot spead up time. Right now your "normal" has been interputed and changed drastically. Over time you will develop a new normal. But a new normal does not mean that you forget your brother. Remember him, talk about him, share stories. That is all part of the healing process.

And use AMHD. We can get you through the tough times.

smashburn

I lost my brother 3 weeks ago in a car accident. I don't think I'm healing properly. My family visited his gravesite today. Today is his birthday. I can't even look at his grave. I can't listen to my music (our music). It seems they are healing faster than I am. Why can't I look at his picture. I own a medical clinic. My sister is our office manager. She put a picture of him on her desk but I turned it down because I can't bear to look at him. He was the exact copy of me. A mirror image of myself. I always thought when we were older and all of our family had died that he and I would still have each other. Don't get me wrong. I have a loving wife and children but he was supposed to be there in the end. Just me and him. What do I do? I work a lot but when I drive home the feelings return. Half of me is dead.........How will I ever enjoy our music again. How will I ever watch our tv shows again. This is so unfair.

ordinaryguy

smashburn--

Yes, it is unfair. There's no question about that. I feel your sorrow so keenly, and I wish there was something more to say that hasn't already been said to comfort you, but I can't think of anything. Three weeks is barely getting started, so pace yourself, and don't berate yourself for taking however long it takes. As close as you were, it will take a long time. Try not to be angry at others who don't need as long as you do, and don't understand why you're taking so long. They probably didn't have the depth of connection to him that you had.

Be careful to let your wife and children know that your sadness and sometime distance during this time is not due to any lack or fault in them. They will try and fail to comfort you, and may feel that you blame them for that failure. I know it doesn't make sense, but so many things about a loss like this are nonsensical. It's just so important not to let this damage your relationship with the loved ones you still have. They can be a real help to you in this time if you will ask them and let them.

I do so feel for you, and wish you all wisdom and comfort in dealing with this loss. It divides your life in two--before and after. In time, the after part can be as good in its own way as before, but without him in it, it still will have a shade of melancholy that will never leave you, even after many years. Accept that, don't call it bad names, and look for the hidden treasure that will be exposed by these raging floodwaters of grief.

ladystorm

I am so sorry about your brother. I lost my brother Jan 1st of this year. He ended his own life. I feel the same as you....angry, lost, sad...thats why I am on this site so I can get encouragement from other people. I actually pray before I go to sleep...& I'm not that religious, but it seems to help me get some peace of mind. Please talk to as many people who have gone through a loss so you don't feel so alone. Together, we'll all make it through. Take care...my thoughts are with you

kam40

My brother died 3 March this year, from what we think must have been a massive heart attack also, although we don't have the confirmation yet. It was so sudden, when I got the phone call from my dad I was stunned, then numb and overwhelmed with grief at the same time. I cried constantly for almost three days. He was 15 months younger than I and when we were growing up we were very close. I feel too as though a part of me has gone with him, as it has, since he was a part of my life and is gone now. It helped to cry, it helped to talk with my parents and husband about him. It helped to hold a Celebration of Life for him, and write and give the eulogy. It helped to have a private ceremony and then scatter his ashes at the river, which he loved. I have his picture hanging by my desk at work, and photos of him in my room that I can look at all of the time. This helps me too. I talk to him, and I say his name out loud. He is very real to me always. Maybe these things might help you, too. Writing your thoughts in a journal or typing them into a document can be healing. I am sorry for your loss. I miss my brother very much, too.

MissBethanie

My sister Millie passed away last year aged only 21 months, there is no wrong or right way to grief, you just have to take each day as it comes, I am absolutely heartbroken over my sisters passing and I know i shall always be, be kind to yourself, and allow your self to greive , dont bottle it up,
Take Care bethanie xxx

mehx

There is nothing you can do to stop you feeling that way. I lost my sister suddenly in july 2005 I can still cry myself to sleep at night but i try to get on but i never leave the past behind my sister is always with me and your brother will always be with you. If you just believe in yourself and have your family around you, you can get through it.

Irishboy

You ever get over the death of your brother. I lost my bro at the age of 3 it about 15 year a go now. I just wish i could take that day back that he past away and let him be stil here with me

ellie h

hey kew, my brother was struck and killed on his motercycle in november of 06. He was my best friend and the only sibling I have.It is totally normal to feel the way that you are feeling.I recently have been feeling that I want to be with him by his side and it makes me really sad to feel the emptyness that I have ben experiencing so the only thing I could recomend is to talk to someone like a phyclogist because they would probebly know more about the greiving process.It took me by suprise because it happened less than a mile from my home so it hit me harder than ever because I drive by the site everyday. I know that I will never be the same person that I was before because I am no longer a sister I am just an only child. The only thing that really helps me to get though this is to not hold anything in. People have told me to go to meeting but I just can't see myself going to something like that. I have cryed everyday since the accident so I don't know what to tell you about how long you are going to cry but I do know that the grieving process is different for everyone and the length of cycles varry for each person so don't be surprised if one day you are mad and the next day you are sad. It's ok. you are not alone. I miss him more than anything. I know he is around me because I have seen signs, really weird things have happened in the past year and a half so that makes me feel good to know that he is still with me. I hope that there was a real good reason that he had to die because it is making my life really difficult without him here. you probebly feel the same way.hopefully someday we will all find out. I hope that my words in any way have helped you because when I googled help with my brothers loss your story came up. I already feel better knowing that I am not alone. Hang in there.

aw1973

It's good to see that you're already feeling more encouraged!
A loss of someone close to you is very traumatic and everyone deals with it differently.
Your family and friends may not understand you, but what I can say from my own experience is that I thought the same when something similar happened to me. But what I learnt much later was that my friends and family just didn't know themselves how to deal with grief. Grief is very personal and I thought that no one else suffers and misses the person as much as I did. Of course this wasn't the case, but maybe this is normal.
Many wise things have been written already, but I completely agree that loss is something one never really gets over, but one learns to live with it with time.

I wish you all the best and a lot of strength to get through this difficult period in your life! Your brother will always live in your heart and now even in ours, as you've told us about him.