[HellasAB]

Hi everyone I am new to this forum. I need some advice, my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 and a half months and two months ago he told that he was going to the army (which made me sad)and may not be coming back and that he needed some time alone to think . It's been three months since he hasn't called to let me know what is going on (when he's leaving, where he's being station,how long he's going to away). I understand that this is hard for him and it's a huge decision that he has to make but he is completely leaving me in the dark and that is hurting me even more because I am constantly worrying about him. I have called him two or three times since he told me he's going to the army and he won't return any of my calls. I care about him very much and I know he does too, but I don't know what to do because I have never been in a situation like this. Do I keep fighting for this relationship or do I just let it go and move on?

[kp2171]

If you decide to let the relationship be, and not pursue it further, you should not feel like you are leaving him or abandoning him. He has left you.

Maybe the demands of a relationship are just too much for him to focus on. That's understandable.

But you deserve to be treated better, and you should demand to be respected.

I'm sorry to say this, but unless he comes to his senses... something you cannot make him do... you probably need to find a way to remove yourself from this relationship. At least recognize that it has changed and he doesn't seem to want the same thing right now.

Some great relationships don't last simply because of bad timing. It sucks. You feel awful. Then you pick yourself up and move on. There are other people out there that can be good to you... and this relationship isn't good for you as it stands.

[HellasAB]

Thank you for your response. But I still don't understand why he won't open up to me and tell me what's on his mind and we are suppose to be in this relationship together and decide what to do together instead of leaving me in the dark.

[Krs]

Tricky one!
Could the reason being from him leaving you in the dark is that he is scared about the whole senario of him going to the army and he himself doesn't know when he is coming back and maybe he thinks that leaving you in dark is the best way to kind of end the relationship so that you can move on in your life seeing as he is so uncertain of what's ahead of him in the future.
In any case its hurting you.
Has he left already?
He is the best person to ask that question I'm afraid :)
Good Luck x

[DJ 'H']

He has left you sweetie - sorry to have to be blunt.
When I was 17yrs old I was going out with a guy 'T' who was in the army, he was a few years older than me and stationed four hours away from where I lived and I did not drive at the time so I hardly ever saw him.

When I did he used to surprise me, I would get a phonecall to say he could not come home because he was on guard etc. His brother would then take me out somewhere disappear and then turn up with 'T' in the car - which obviusly made me so very happy. We fell in love (as best you do at 17yrs) and were together for months. He came home one day and was totally out of character even though he had been fine with me before. He was due to go to Cyprus for 7months on a posting and we had both talked about staying together. We talked about me going over when he was on leave to have a 2week holiday and spend time with him. We also taked about getting engadged when he returned.

When he came home that one weekend I knew something was wrong. So I confronted him and just said, "Look Terry I know somethings wrong, you have been acting very strange since you got back" - so he came and met me and broke things off.

I was so upset and I did not know what to do with myself. I could see in his eyes how hard it was for him to say "It's over" and did not understand for a long time.

When he returned from Cyprus (7 months later) I had just started seeing another guy 'S'. I thought I was over 'T' - but when I saw him my heart sank in my stomach, and I felt so numb. I knew that I still loved him but thought, I am with someone else now and 'T' obviously has moved on.

After that day 'T' and I argued a lot and just could not have a civil converstaion with each other - so much so that we could not be in the same room.

Christmas came and we were all out celebrating, he approached me and asked if he could talk to me in private. We sat down together and looked and me and said "I am so sorry" - I said "sorry for what" - he then said, I so sorry that I ended things between us, and I really regret it" "I just could not bear the thought of being apart from you for so long and you are still young, it would have been unfair of me to expect you to wait for me - I can see you are happy with 'S' - but please know that I will always be here for you" - at that point I just wanted to tell him how much I missed him and wanted him back - but it did not feel right to say any of it - so I thanked him, told him I would always be there for him, we hugged and that was the day we reconciled a friendship.

Since then he has messed me around something chronic until enough was enough and I told him it was either friends or more than that - he could not have both.

I am now with my wonderful Boyfriend Pete who I love more than anything and I would not change any of my past as it has only contributed towards me being who I am.

'T' is with another girl and fortunately we have salvaged our friendship. 'T' and Pete get on like a house of fire, we are all able to hang out and have a laugh which is great. 'T' and I still text on occasion, but with him being posted away, we only get to see him every so often when he is home.


My point is, 'T' will always be very special to me and he is the only one I ever came close to marrying and the only one I ever thought about marrying. He treated me like a queen and our relationship was so relaxed. We had all of the same friends and we were so good together. His family loved me.

Now his brothers, Mum & Dad still treat me like family and have their fingers crossed that 'T' and I will get back together one day and they will be able to call me their daughter properly.

No one knows what the future holds, but I am so happy with pete and I truly do love Pete that not even 'T' could change things for me. I do believe you cannot go back - but I am so glad to have 'T' as a part of my life than nothing at all.

Just accept that it's over and try to move on. He will be in touch when he is ready to - and hopefully you can both salvage a friendship! You just need to get on with your life and let him see that you are not going to wait around for him. Letting him think he can click his fingers and you will come running is the wrong thing to do. You have to let him know you are your own person and you can function with or without him!

[fredg]

Hi, Hellas,
Thank you for posting a question here; and you have received some good answers before mine.
It's time to move on.
I am 64 yrs old, been through a lot in my life so far, and if this man really loved you, he would have called the minute he got to the military base, or shortly thereafter. He would have wanted you not to worry about him.
It will be hard to start talking with other men, but eventually you can. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

[HellasAB]

Thank you Krs for your advice. To answer your question, my boyfriend hasn't left yet, but he will be leaving in 2 or three monhts.

[HellasAB]

Thank you DJ"H" your advice was very helpful. Our stories are similar because my boyfriend is going to the greek army and when he told me he said wanted us to be together no matter what because he loved me and he wanted to come back. But I guess he changed his mind without telling me.

[Wildcat21]

He may be doing you a favor. A LARGE favor.

He will be very changed when he comes back. You may not like him.

Plus, a lot of guys in the Army, when on leave, turn into 'Girls gone wild' breaks. Unfortunately, guys in the army seek women.