[mbengineer]

Friend and I have been best of friends for nine years. My wife and I have been together for four years. My friend is single and very flirty and my wife returns it. We all hang out together all the time, when we can. He has moved six hours from here. Last December I was invited to vegas by some friends of mine and I went. Wife didn't like it much. While there, it became apparent and obvious that my best friend was telling her one thing and me another, playing us against each other. Well, we separated ourselves from him for a while. Well, he and I are such good friends, that we are now all cool again. Well, here we go again, he talks to her more than me on the phone, like daily, every day. They txt all the time. Weeks will go by and he and I will not talk, but they are. We all planned a trip to vegas this weekend, and he was going a few days ahead of time. He asked my wife to go ahead early also because they said he didn't want to be in vegas by himself. I am set to fly out and meet them, as planned, but it doesn't sit well with me that my wife has flown off to vegas with MY BEST MALE FRIEND. Is that appropriate behavior for a wife or best friend? What should do and what should I think? I trust her, I think... Am I naïve?

[go-ask-mom]

I wouldn't like it at all. This type of behavior would not "fly" with me nor my husband.

I consider myself as having many great friendships and some of my closest friends are male... but the "friendship" you describe above sounds nothing like a "friend" at all. His interaction and interference are not conducive to a marriage, meaning the flirting you said they both do, the "pitting" you against each other, this is NOT something a friend does. Nor do they suggest "awkward situations" such as, "fly out ahead of time WITHOUT your husband- and my best friend". Then throw in the texting/talking to each other without including you and this sounds like a 3 way separation of all parties might be needed.

I'm sorry but this is just not respectful to you, your feelings or your marriage.(Nor was YOUR trip... so she might just be trying to "get even") I would have enough respect for my husband/wife that this would be a non-issue if it came up... as I would choose to wait and fly w/them.

Anyway, I would continue with your Vegas plans and see what happens, but as soon as the two of you arrive back home, I would sit your wife down and tell her how you feel... see what she has to say. Then the first thing on thee agenda would be separating yourselves out completely from the third party. Second, I would suggest some counseling for the two of you- together. And third, hopefully this will be the last stumbling block in your many happy years together.
Now, if all that fails and she is unwilling to give up on the "friendship" then I would send her packing to him, because that's probably where she's heading in the not so distant future!

Good Luck! And hopefully what happens in Vegas is nothing worth discussing! Lol!

[Fr_Chuck]

This is not a best friend, or at least you have a poor choice of friends,

I would say that there appears to be something going on, and perhaps you should change your plans and fly out early yourself

[kiki_doki]

I am sorry but there is a difference between trusting someone and accepting stupid suggestions(why on earth would they suggest this (the mind boggles) if he gets lonely tell him to take a friend or a girlfriend of his own,and tell your wife its none of her business if YOUR friend is lonely) they make in the name of trust instead of saying, NO you are my wife and if you're flying anywhere its going to be with me and not my best friend!! My husband would never let this happen! Even if there is nothing going on now by allowing them this space and (almost) privacy its like you are giving them your blessing to do so!And your friend has no business calling and texting your wife (and visa versa) if he comes to the house and she's there fair enough, but they're having a relationship!! I totally agree with Chuck: You need to change your flight, and possibly the destination. You also need to speak to your wife and explain that this is not acceptable behavior!!