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nikki328
Jan 28, 2005, 11:06 PM
Hi,
I was wondering if any parents here have ever had to confront the issue of their young children masturbating. And if so, how did you handle it? Did you take steps to try to get them to masturbate less, or at least not in public and did it work? And are their things you can do to 'help' your child not discover masturbation. That's been on my mind lately. For the last few months, me and my wife have heard some strange noises coming from our son's bedroom at nighttime, it sounded like some rocking and stuff, but we ignored it. Last week, my wife walked into his room while that sound was being made, and she saw our son lying on top of a rubber ball and rocking his waste over it, and he was quite into it. So now we knew what that sound was. She didn't say anything to him about it, but in the morning when he wasn't looking we hid the ball from him and took it away. The next evening, he was looking for it and asked if we had seen it. But we ignored the question, and still have the ball. IT has been much more peaceful at night, no more rocking sound from his bed in his bedroom, but each night he has been crying a bit for his ball. Will he get over that soon, or should we place the ball back in his room where he will find it again? I don't know if this is something to be concerned about since he has never masturbated in public, basically we just are tired of having to hear that rocking around at night. But it got me wondering how he discovered to do this, and how he discovered that placing a ball right there would feel good, I mean who just goes ahead and lies down on top of an 8 inch rubber ball and places it under their stomach? It makes me very curious as to how he has discovered this, and how his activity may change as he gets older. And he's been doing this for a few months now each night, and he's only three years old? Do other children do the same kinds of things?

angelcakes22uk
Apr 2, 2005, 05:49 AM
Masturbation is deliberate self-stimulation that results in self-comfort or sexual arousal. Many parents are alarmed to find their young child engaged in such activities. Our Western society does not generally like to think of children as sexual beings, but sexual development is as much a part of their normal growth and development as is learning language, playing, and getting the proper nutrition in order to grow.
Some child psychologists think that boys who have seen a naked girl may be fearful that they could lose their penis and end up looking like the girl. However, no one can be sure of what these toddlers are thinking.
Genital play in both sexes can also take the form of rubbing with hands or rubbing against other objects such as a pillow, stuffed animal or the bed. Often the child will be found staring, flushed with an absent look on their faces, breathing fast or irregularly while masturbating. The behavior generally increases with boredom, sleepiness or stress in the child’s life. It is important to remember that children do not generally associate this activity with sexuality or adult relationships until much later in childhood, more toward puberty. This is reassuring to some parents who are alarmed by their child’s behavior. Genital play is often used simply as a form of self-comfort

billp
Apr 8, 2005, 03:06 PM
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a 3 year old masturbating. It is 100% normal development. Our doctor even told us this--it was a surprise to see it, but it should not bother or worry you--normal.

That being said, if you worry that the particular object he uses may cause him harm, I would mention it to the doctor and see if he thinks you should remove the particular object.

I would definitely avoid making him ashamed - and bringing it up, you may feel ashamed--and he will notice this, and so feel ashamed as well. That is a good question--is there even a reason to talk to a 3 to 8 year old about it?

mike145k
Jul 2, 2005, 07:43 PM
I disagree you need to discourage your son from masterbating,specialy using an object as a partner Its not a very healthy form of entertainment for a 3 year old it may lead to other forms of bad behavoir,get your son undercontrol introduce other activities,such as video games and yoyo's, coloring books,etc.you say he does it at night time keep your attention on him and make sure he doesn't start to masterbate with his hands that will be the next step,if he does, make him wear some sort of mittens or fingerless gloves that has helped,in some cases,but don't worry too much just show him the proper way to behave.

serialwife
Jul 2, 2005, 08:51 PM
From a child development standpoint it is as everyone else has said perfectly normal for a child to begin self exploration. It is however important to discuss with the child when and where this type of behavior is appropriate. As for how the child discovered that manipulating the ball as pleasurable, he could have stumbled up on it playing with the ball and discovered it felt good. Leave the ball out of the room for a while, reintroduce it in a few weeks and see what happens. He may even forget what he was doing with the ball, or he may pick another object. Make sure that you don't make a huge deal out of this.. sometimes children will repeat a behavior simply to get a reaction out of the parent.. don't chastise or make him feel like a freak.. set boundaries and stick to them... I have several books that may help let me know if you need the titles and authors, they have information starting with early childhood sexual development to into the teens.

iTz JuSt mE
Jul 5, 2005, 10:59 AM
Does he have a regular baby sitter? If so is it a guy or girl? If guy could your son have seen the baby sitter do the samee thing? Or had your son do it with him?

letmeno
Nov 2, 2005, 09:37 PM
I am not really sure that it is self stimulation that he is seeking here as much as I am sure that it is more or less that he is going through the motions or maybe mimicking what he has seen before. I have a 2 year old and his penis is the focal point every time he uses the rest room.

BabyBruchie
Nov 14, 2005, 02:46 PM
If he really is masturbating, don't you think its too early for a 3 year old?? :confused:

Irulan
Nov 14, 2005, 07:35 PM
Hi,
I was wondering if any parents here have ever had to confront the issue of their young children masturbating. And if so, how did you handle it? Did you take steps to try to get them to masturbate less, or at least not in public and did it work? And are their things you can do to 'help' your child not discover masturbation. That's been on my mind lately. For the last few months, me and my wife have heard some strange noises coming from our son's bedroom at nighttime, it sounded like some rocking and stuff, but we ignored it. Last week, my wife walked into his room while that sound was being made, and she saw our son lying on top of a rubber ball and rocking his waste over it, and he was quite into it. So now we knew what that sound was. She didn't say anything to him about it, but in the morning when he wasn't looking we hid the ball from him and took it away. The next evening, he was looking for it and asked if we had seen it. But we ignored the question, and still have the ball. IT has been much more peaceful at night, no more rocking sound from his bed in his bedroom, but each night he has been crying a bit for his ball. Will he get over that soon, or should we place the ball back in his room where he will find it again? I don't know if this is something to be concerned about since he has never masturbated in public, basically we just are tired of having to hear that rocking around at night. But it got me wondering how he discovered to do this, and how he discovered that placing a ball right there would feel good, I mean who just goes ahead and lies down on top of an 8 inch rubber ball and places it under their stomach? It makes me very curious as to how he has discovered this, and how his activity may change as he gets older. And he's been doing this for a few months now each night, and he's only three years old? Do other children do the same kinds of things?
At three years of age a child discovers that he/she has a body and part of the body is the genitalia. A child’s natural instinct is to touch and experiment with the sensation caused by touching, this is not masturbation but a natural instinctive action in a child while learning about the parts of the body.



“ Historically, masturbation — touching one’s own sex organs for pleasure — has been stigmatized as having pathological origins and negative physical and mental health consequences. Today, as masturbation is better understood and more widely accepted, we have learned that it can promote physical, mental, and sexual health. By destigmatizing masturbation, we are able to recognize it as healthful, helpful, and natural behavior. “

Source: http://www.ppatp.org/Masturbation%20-%20From%20Stigma%20to%20Sexual%20Health.htm

How to handle this situation depends on many things, above all your feelings of frustration since your appeal for help shows frustration on your part.

However you choose to handle the situation will affect your child's attitude toward sex in his future life, so before you act consult your pediatrician and see what is recommended.

ab-solute
Dec 10, 2005, 03:50 PM
I think it is normal, but using an object doesn't seem healthy.

lil miss vixen
Dec 13, 2005, 06:37 PM
Does he have a regular baby sitter? If so is it a guy or girl? If guy could your son have seen the baby sitter do the samee thing? Or had your son do it with him?
Are you kidding?
Babysitters wouldn't just drop there pants, and allow a three year old to see this! Espically at a clients home? If your thinking about this. You need help.
That's wrong and if your babysitter did that. That's NOT NORMAL.
And making a child do that. Is called rape. which is an absoutley horrible thought to put into a parents mind.
For shame

serialwife
Dec 14, 2005, 05:31 PM
There are certain types of people who seek out jobs in child care, those who love children and those who see children as objects to use. I am sure there is some gray area in there. It is very important for parents to responsibly pick childcare givers! I know a person that had no idea the guy she hired to babysit her kid was convicted of facilitating aggrevated child abuse in another state. He was sexually abusing this persons child. That is an extreme example. Some less than responsible bsbysitters feel it is okay to invite boyfriends and girlfriends over. When they get busy... maybe they are not paying attention to who is standing at the door wanting juice.

christinewest-stephen
Dec 27, 2005, 07:29 PM
You should just discurage him from using objects and teach him it is something they should only do alone my sister had the same problem with my nice and I babysat children who did the same so it is normal

nwsflash
Dec 31, 2005, 11:22 AM
I would have to say that I agree 100% with most of the things that have been posted on this freed, but saying that there are a few that worry me...

What your son is doing is a normal, most guys from birth till they die do it, weather its the odd scratch or holding themself for self comfirt !! I think that you need to get to the bottom of where the object come's from and where he has learnt to do this from, but other than that it is normal.

When you feel or can tell that he is about too start doing the thing that bothers you, try and get him doing things like colouring, painting, video games or reading to watching the telly to try and take if mind away from this kind of things... Kids learn very quick and at his age if you can get his mind buzzing with things im sure you will find it drops down, you may also find that it also goes away with age as he grows more and develops his mind to new skills.

spyyder
Dec 31, 2005, 02:28 PM
Ok it's NOT possible for a 3 year old to be thinking of (or really feeling) sexual things... since first the thoughts that cause the pleasure of doing so don't exist yet... and if he is stimulating his genitals... well... it's not a sexual thing.. trust me... like when a men spends most of his time in the shower putting hot water on his *cough* *cough*... its nothing sexual.

Just get rid of the ball, it'll do got for you and him (in the long run).

the_workmans
Feb 2, 2006, 05:03 PM
My four year old son does rub himself on objects and I have asked him many times why he does it and he says it feels good. I have cared for him his whole life and only immediate family has babysat. So this is not something he has seen anyone do or anything that was done to him. I thought he was way too young to have any feelings like this and it scares me for his future. I tell him not to do it because it could hurt him, is this bad. How should we deal with this behavior because my husband and I need to be on the same page about how to deal with this issue.

letmetellu
Feb 6, 2006, 07:33 PM
Mike154K I don't agree at all with your solution to the masturbation problem. Gloves with no fingers... I don't think so. And if that does not work what do they do tie his arms to the bed posts.

bizygurl
Feb 7, 2006, 06:04 AM
Children don't even know what masturbation is. All they know is that what they are doing is making them "feel good" They have no concept as to what sex is, most of the time at three years old they don't even understand there own body parts.
Although it may seem alarming and maybe a little disturbing to some people its completley normal. I had this same issues come up in the child care center I use to work at. THe child was the same age and every time at nap time she would start to rub on herself. We brought it too her mothers attention (we thought she would want to know) she said that she brought it up to her pediatrician after she witnessed it at home and the pediatrician said that its normal and its away children discover there bodies. And its nothing sexual in their minds because they don't have that concept. It really isn't a big deal. As adults we make it a big deal because we associate masturbation to sex but as I said children don't and its completely innocent.

ZeDuDe
May 12, 2007, 12:24 AM
Hey, I also agree with most of the posts here, it is 100% normal.
Although I have a question if you don't mind, can a 3 year old boy ejaculate semen? Or does he stop before ejaculation... or does he experience the orgasm but no semen comes out because premature bodies cant produce it? It's just a scientific question I've been seeking an answer to... I just want to know if pre-mature bodies can produce semen in ejaculation.
Please if anyone knows... I'd really appreciate an answer :)
Thank you :-)

MicheleEB
May 14, 2007, 10:58 AM
are you kidding?
babysitters wouldn't just drop there pants, and allow a three year old to see this! espically at a clients home? if your thinking about this. you need help.
thats wrong and if your babysitter did that. thats NOT NORMAL.
and making a child do that. is called rape. which is an absoutley horrible thought to put into a parents mind.
for shame

I know that seems scary but it does happen and just because someone realizes that it happens doesn't mean they need help. However I think this person brings up a valid point. Even if it is normal for toddlers to masturbate, it never hurts to look at the entire situation.

vlee
May 15, 2007, 10:18 PM
Here is the reality, children do not have the inhibitions that adults do... if a child discovers something that feels good, he/she is going to do it. Honestly, making a big deal of it will only force your child to feel ashamed, which will follow him into adulthood. The bounds of such things don't end with masturbation, it could lead to feelings or guilt or shame associated with ANY sexual activity. The best thing to do is discourage anything public, but allow him the freedom to do whatever he likes in his own room. It is hard to deal with, but looking out for your child's self esteem and future sexual identity are important.

rosepedal
May 19, 2007, 05:01 PM
At this age children have just found out about their 'private parts' your son might be feeling something but it is definitely not what you think. He might be mimicking something he's seen before, but children do bounce on balls and he might have just started with playing with the ball and found he felt something when he did it.

rachelander
Jul 1, 2007, 11:05 PM
i disagree you need to discourage your son from masterbating,specialy using an object as a partner Its not a very healthy form of entertainment for a 3 year old it may lead to other forms of bad behavoir,get your son undercontrol introduce other activities,such as video games and yoyo's, coloring books,etc.you say he does it at night time keep your attention on him and make sure he doesnt start to masterbate with his hands that will be the next step,if he does, make him wear some sort of mittens or fingerless gloves that has helped,in some cases,but dont worry to much just show him the proper way to behave.

That's the kind of response that these parents don't need. There is nothing wrong with this activity. No need to discourage it either. It's perfectly normal. It feels good, and that's why he's doing it. If you make a big issue out of it he's just going to be embarrassed, he's going to think he's doing something wrong, and who knows, those thoughts may stick with him until he's an adult. And then will he be able to have a healthy sex life as an adult? It's best to ignore it. Take away the ball and hide it if the noise is keeping you up at night, but don't make him feel ashamed. Do not make him wear mittens!

MomNC
Jul 2, 2007, 03:36 PM
Hello,

My husband and I are faced with the same problem as Nikki328 is facing. A few weeks ago I walked into our living room and found my 4 year old son laying in the floor doing the same thing with a ball, but he had wrapped the ball up in a shirt and was doing this. I have to say I was very shocked to see this. My first reaction was to scold him for doing this but my husband and I both agreed that may not be the best way for us to handle the situation. So at that time we decided that what he was doing had to be a normal thing for a child his age and neither one of us said anything about it. This afternoon I caught him doing the same thing... I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I'm considering talking to his pediatrician to see what he says about this and how we can deal with it until he loses interest in these urges he's having.

rachelander
Jul 2, 2007, 05:42 PM
I have an almost three year old and I have worked for several years in preschool and toddler rooms. I have seem so many boys between 1 and 5 and this is what I have been told by "the experts". They say that the best response is to say "it's ok if you want to touch yourself that way. I know it feels good. But that is something that you only do in private. So, if you want to touch yourself you need to do that in your room." Don't make them think they are in toble, or that what they are doing is bad. It's a normal part of a toddler discovering their body and it has nothing to do with sex. Try to remember, your toddler is very impressionalble, and your response can determine how they feel about themselves, and their bodies, for a long, long time to come.

proudmommyoftwingirls
Jul 26, 2007, 06:57 PM
Hi,
I was wondering if any parents here have ever had to confront the issue of their young children masturbating. And if so, how did you handle it? Did you take steps to try to get them to masturbate less, or at least not in public and did it work? And are their things you can do to 'help' your child not discover masturbation. That's been on my mind lately. For the last few months, me and my wife have heard some strange noises coming from our son's bedroom at nighttime, it sounded like some rocking and stuff, but we ignored it. Last week, my wife walked into his room while that sound was being made, and she saw our son lying on top of a rubber ball and rocking his waste over it, and he was quite into it. So now we knew what that sound was. She didn't say anything to him about it, but in the morning when he wasn't looking we hid the ball from him and took it away. The next evening, he was looking for it and asked if we had seen it. But we ignored the question, and still have the ball. IT has been much more peaceful at night, no more rocking sound from his bed in his bedroom, but each night he has been crying a bit for his ball. Will he get over that soon, or should we place the ball back in his room where he will find it again? I don't know if this is something to be concerned about since he has never masturbated in public, basically we just are tired of having to hear that rocking around at night. But it got me wondering how he discovered to do this, and how he discovered that placing a ball right there would feel good, I mean who just goes ahead and lies down on top of an 8 inch rubber ball and places it under their stomach? It makes me very curious as to how he has discovered this, and how his activity may change as he gets older. And he's been doing this for a few months now each night, and he's only three years old? Do other children do the same kinds of things?
I worked in daycare and we were told to tell them if they were going to do that it needed to be done in the bathroom or in their bedroom that is completely normal they are just experiementing with their bodies I'm sure everyone does it when they are litte just make sure it is done in private

mikezapwnzor
Jul 26, 2007, 09:16 PM
Oddly being able to remember way back then myself, I can tell exactly what it meant to me back then. It was just a good (and easy) way to feel good. At that age you don't think about it you just do it. Until you realize that the things you do effect other people (self-awareness) you could care less. I would just tell him that it's okay that he wants to do that and that you know it feels good, but that he needs to do it in private when no one else is around.

serialwife
Jul 28, 2007, 05:17 PM
I know that seems scary but it does happen and just because someone realizes that it happens doesnt mean they need help. However I think this person brings up a valid point. Even if it is normal for toddlers to masturbate, it never hurts to look at the entire situation.

I realize what I said might be scary! But I deal with sex offenders on a daily basis. I deal with their aftermath as a forensic interviewer for their victims. You'd be amazed how honest and sincere they sound during their interviews to work at schools, daycares, and parks. They just love children.
In this situation this may not be the case, but it warrants being looked at. I promise that a sexually reactive child can be serious. Yes, masturbation is normal but please be aware of who is around your children.

dancingkitty
Aug 13, 2007, 06:03 PM
I am wondering about "public masturbation".
My 4 1/4 year old son has been playing with his penis for about 8 months now.
It started with light pulling on his foreskin and progressed to full hand stimulation.
I am aware that this is normal for a boy his age to do and we have been positively reinforcing that he needs to do this in private (his bedroom or the bathroom with the door closed).
The last week or so he has become very active in his masturbation.
Last week he removed all his clothes in the backyard and sat on the deck masturbating with the neighbors kids watching. Today, while I was comparing pricesat the grocery store, he shimmied his pants down and pulled his penis out and was playing with it while sitting in the cart. It was fully erected and he was aggressively pulling on it. :eek:
I had my back to him for about a minute and a lady stood next to me and whispered that I needed to look at my son. There were about 10 or 15 people in our general area that saw him.
I can't stress enough how much we have talked to him about privacy and proper public behaviour. What else can we do?

dealwithitandmoveon
Sep 9, 2007, 05:33 AM
I'm 13 yrs old now... I remember when I was young I used to masturbate but I didn't knew it has anything to do with sex.I found out what it was this year and I was glad because I taught I was doing harm to myself.Don't worry much because I think it has nothing wrong when he grow up.

pgffgp
Sep 21, 2007, 07:30 PM
You need physiology AND parenting classes.
The first question you need to ask is: "What is puberty?"

lou1e
Sep 29, 2007, 03:03 AM
i disagree you need to discourage your son from masterbating,specialy using an object as a partner Its not a very healthy form of entertainment for a 3 year old it may lead to other forms of bad behavoir,get your son undercontrol introduce other activities,such as video games and yoyo's, coloring books,etc.you say he does it at night time keep your attention on him and make sure he doesnt start to masterbate with his hands that will be the next step,if he does, make him wear some sort of mittens or fingerless gloves that has helped,in some cases,but dont worry to much just show him the proper way to behave.
I disagree with you I have a 3 year son who plays/touches it I think and been told by my health visitor that its just another part of the body to explore which feels nice , if you make a big deal out of it you will only draw attention to that area and make them do it all the more and what's more you must never make the child feel as if theyare dirty or its really wrong they are still our babies at the end of the day they r ONLY 3!

shaena88
Oct 15, 2007, 05:31 PM
Seriously I thinks its normal for a little kid. Especially boys. They all do it.. I have a nephew. He's 7 now but when he was a toddler. He used to hunch the floor and stuff. And I noticed that all toddler boys just love grabbing their private parts which is normal because their just discovering the privates. They don't even know that its masturbating.so it fine there's nothing to worry about