I am a stepmother and I need to know if I have any rights with my step daughter. I have been with her father for 5 years and now after all this time the bio mother is stating she does not want me taking the child to appts. Or getting involved even. But when she can't make it and nether can he she has no problem asking me for help. It's only when it suits her she doesn't mind to involve me. This is how its been these past few months and I fear its getting worse. The child loves me and prefers that I be there anyway which she has express to both her bio parents and my husband supports our relationship and the fact that she wants me there. I never go where I am not want I do not interfer with the court order nor do I cross the line and try yo interfer with the bio moms role. But the I need to know legally what I can and can't do. From my own research in Virginia I have as much rights as the bio parents give me. Is this true?

I would like to see your research. I don't see that you don't have any legally enforceable rights.

On a bigger level this is your husband's legal issue, and only he can solve it.

I'm a five times stepmother in NY. I know the birth mother can make things very difficult, and I am not insensitive to the problems. I also know legally I have little or no standing.

I would like to see your research. I don't see that you don't have any legally enforceable rights.

On a bigger level this is your husband's legal issue, and only he can solve it.

I'm a five times stepmother in NY. I know the birth mother can make things very difficult, and I am not insensitive to the problems. I also know legally I have little or no standing.

I have worked for atty.'s and law firms for years I keep hearing mixed answers. But the one thing I hear that never changes is that I have whatever rights the bio parent(s) give me. And so long as I do not interfer with the court order (which states that my husband can decide who can pickup / drop off, take to appts. etc.) I only do what is asked of me. For 5 years there was never an issue now she is making an issue of it and I am just trying to make sure I do not cross any lines. But at the same time when she has to take the chikd to an appt. and she can't get out of work and she know my husband can't I am the first one she calls. She makes appts for the child without his knowledge during his time with her in the middle of the day when he is suppose to be at work so he asks me to take her which I do. I feel like she is trying to control the situation and him by making a fuss now even though I have been doing this for over 5 years.

Doing things with the child at the request of the parents is not the same as having legal rights. I'm sure you know that through your experience working in law firms.

Your husband is the one who can solve this by talking to his "ex." Maybe she's threatened by your relationship with "her" child - it happens. Maybe she's just a miserable person.

I'd leave the child out of the conversations - next time she calls and needs help, say no. If she is taking advantage of your love for "her" child and your good nature, have your husband talk to her.

And, yes, I've been there. In my case it was a wedding - suddenly the birth mother didn't think it was appropriate for me to sit with my husband, her "ex."

As Judy said, having the bio parents allow you to do things doesn't not make a legal standing. You have no legal standing here. On the other hand, if your husband gives you permission to take the child somewhere or pick the child up, then the bio mother is not going to get anywhere taking you to court for interference.

And she is also right that your husband has to deal with this and tell the mother that you are his wife and that it is important to him that you have a good relationship and help him in raising their child.