I hate everything about myself, through and through. I have no one to fall back on, no family, nothing. Im tired of pretending Im happy, but more so, Im tired of feeling sorry for myself. The funny thing is regardless of what I do I just end up tempting fate, which always loves to me one over. Im going ing insane, I really feel like Im crazy. And its not just one thing, it’s a compilation of all the horse sh*t that’s been stacking up throughout my life. Wanna know another thing that I find just hysterical? Ive become the exact same person I always told myself I never wanted to be. Im manipulative, cold, pretentious, and aside from self pity I completely lack empathy…im just numb and narcissistic.

I can get along with people when I put forth the effort but any long term relationships, of any kind, never lasts because I leave. I don’t know if it’s a self-defense mechanism or just a general lack of interest but I really don’t need people, and I’ve never missed anyone. And when it comes right down to it most people either bore me or irritate me. I just feel like there’s something wrong, like Im wired differently or some analytical sh*t like that. I don’t really like myself, but at the same time I don’t really want to change. Which is a fundamental contradiction, but there it is. So is this a healthy? Can anyone else relate?

Nothing in your post indicates you have a healthy mindset about anything; in fact it is the worse downside I have ever come across to someone's personality and no I cant relate. Maybe someone else can, although I would hate to think that anyone of our experts could relate to this.

How did you ever ever come to be like this; are you trying to fight your way out of it? I suggest you contact or are get referred to a good professional who can talk you through this terrible tragedy of a human being.