becky19760229
Jun 17, 2012, 06:33 PM
My husband and I have been togather for 20 years married 15 years. I was 16 when we met and 7 months after being togather I got pregnant with my daughter. 3 years later I was pregnant with our second child. We decided to get married. I was young and at the time very happy. I just wanted to live the dream fall in love have kids and live happily ever after. Did I mention I was 16 and very young. Anyway my infatuation with my husband made me blind to anything he did. Back then my family and friends had warned me that he was very controlling and possessive but I didn't believe them. After I graduated high school we moved and I was a stay at home mom for 10 years. My husband was very controlling he always had a say in what I did where I went and who I talk to. It didn't bother me back then because I was preoccupied taking care of my children. Five years ago I decided to go back to work I was getting bored with my life and needed a change. I figured since my kids were both in school it was time for me to work part time my husband was not happy about me working but I did it anyway. When I started working I realized that my relationship with my husband was very different then other peoples marriages. I never had any friends my friends are his friends. He didn't like that I was making friends and does not like any of my girl friends. He tells me that they are interferring with our marriage and that they fill my head with ideas. We had a very rough marriage but I always tried to keep it together for my kids. I turned 36 this year and I don't know call it a mid life crisis but I want out of this marriage. Every time I tell him I want a divorce he makes me feel like such a failure and so guilty. He tells me that I will never find anyone that loves me as much as he does. And that the last 20 years was nothing but a big lie. I recently sat down and wrote out a 2 year plan. I can't just up and leave I am not financially able too. I told him that I am going back to school and he shot the idea down but I still am going. I'm tired of him holding me back. I guess I'm just looking for some advice. I'm am so confused and my mind is pulling in all different directions. I'm scared and I feel lost right now. Thank you for reading my story.