I'm 25 years old and have been living on my own since I was 20 years old, he is 27 years old and has been living with his parents since we got together. It's not like he's a bum or anything, he works and goes to school and all that, but... yeah.

When we first met, he was a major alcoholic. He was like that for the first year of our relationship and finally got cleaned up after he crashed into my neighbors car and totalled both vehicles. He was charged with a DUI and forced to take Classes and UA's. He's been pretty clean ever since, aside from social drinking.

Let me set something straight, his parents and I have a mutual hate towards each other. I'm Baptist, his entire family is Catholic. During his drunken days, he used to blame me for his alchoholism to his parents which was the light of the match to our fire of dislike towards each other. He finally told them the truth after his DUI, but I'm sure it's still hovering somewhere in the back of their minds. When I finally got my own place (about two months into our relationship) I completely lost all respect from his mother who said that I was an extremely selfish child and wasn't concitering the feelings of my own mother because I had moved out. Whatever.

His mother had accused me of cheating on her son, to which I responded it wasn't true. I have NEVER cheated on him, I am extremely faithful. We did have two break-ups in our six year relationship, I did date during those break-ups, but it wasn't as though it was a "break" we were legitamately not together anymore. When we got together again, I was honest about my dating life while we were not together.

During our second break-up, I did not date. He, on the other hand, took to dating an enemy of mine. Sure, she's pretty, but he dated her. When I found out (because he and I were still friends) I freaked out. I was so hurt and demanded to know WHY he had to date HER and not just some random stranger. He denied dating her, she denied dating him, and I chose to believe him. A few months later, we were back together and six months into that, he finally was honest with me. He said he did date her, his parents LOVED her, but they were never intimate. It was a crushing blow, but I love him and chose to see past that fault of his. Thing was, he was mine at this time, so why completely hang on past incidents?

Last year he asked me to marry him. He enlisted into the military and told me that he wanted me to be his wife once he was done with his basic training. I said yes, very happy. About a week before he was going to leave for basic, he had asked me to store some of his belongings in my shed/garage/closet because his older sister and her family were going to be moving into his parents house and taking his room. I, obviously, said it would be no problem. A few hours laterm he called me up and informed me he would not be storing his belongings at my house because his father believed it to be careless because "there were no garuntee's the relationship was going to last" Yes, we were ENGAGED at this point.

I wanted to drive MY fiancé to the airport, but he said I couldn't because his father said he wouldn't allow it. Why? "You don't have enough money" Excuse me? I have a well paying STATE job, but I lack funds to drive a half an hour to the airport? Sorry, I may not own a house with a mortgage of 4500 a month and living some high life, but I am NOT poor. I didn't get to take him to the airport.

He wanted to elope, apparently he forgot that elope meant that you don't tell ANYONE about you getting married. He had to call his mother, who in turn called his father. They both told him that if we got married, they would disown him. He fell to tears and turned to me and said, "I'm so sorry, I love you but I can't lose my family." It's okay, I understood, I didn't fault him for that, as long as HE still acknowledged that we were engaged and getting married when he returned from basic training.

The night before he was going to leave, he spent some time at my house. Before he left, he said, "You know what my father said, babe? He said he hopes we don't make it to our vows. Isn't that completely ed up?" That hurt, a lot. I didn't say anything, just gave him a kiss and told him to be safe. I didn't want his last memory of me before he returned to be crying or angry.

He got injured in basic and was medically discharged from them. When he returned home, I did everything I could to care for him. Cooked his favorite meals, massaged his injured arm, wrapped and rewrapped his frostbitten foot, ran his baths, helped him dress and undress. He was at my house for two days before we got a phone call from his mother, saying I wasn't adequately taking care of her son. He left my house a half hour later after she came to pick him up. It, apparently, was not place to nurse him to health (by the way, I've been in healthcare for all of my adult life), but his mothers.

I was injured a few months later, I sprained my wrist really bad, to the point where it was casted. I called him and asked him to stay with me until I was healed because I couldn't even wash my own hair. He came over, but left the same day because he got a phone call from his mother telling him that he needed to realize he had priorities and his mother needed him. I didn't see him again until my cast was off.

He will never invite me to family functions. I hear about them as they are going on or if he wants to tell me some story about his nice. I always invite him to my family gatherings, but he usually brushes me off and doesn't attend. It's hurtful, really, having to explain to my loved ones that my fiancé couldn't come because... and making up excuses for him. It's also hurtful to know that I'm not invited to his family gatherings because we both know they don't want me there. I'm his Fiancé for goodness sake!

I brought up these concerns to him last weekend. He got really angry with me and accused me of lying about his family, accusing me of making up stories because I had some sort of vendetta against them. I tried to rationally explain that this wasn't the case, that I would truly appreciate an apology from his parents, especially his father, but he wouldn't hear it. We stood at a stalemate, me trying to tell him I wasn't lying, and him ignoring the fact that it was him that relayed half this information to me and continuesly calling me a liar.

I'm so hurt and confused. I want to be a priority in his life, I don't think I want to come in second in his eyes for the rest of my life, but I can't explain this to him anymore. I've dumbed it down as much as humanly possible. He had promised to make me a priority, but whenever his family gets involved, I'm always tossed aside so he can help them, even if I need his help at that point of time.

I can't see my life without him, but I can't make him grow up either. I don't know what to do. Help?

Sounds to me like the problem lies with you and his parents. So the problem needs to be solved with you and his parents. Try talking to his parents, yeah it sounds like the plot of a popular Tom Cruise movie, but it's worth a shot. Explain to them how you feel, how they're making you feel and most importantly how you feel about their son. It couldn't hurt to have him involved either to express to them his feelings for you, but it's not necessary. If that doesn't work, you'll have to leave it to him to put his foot down, if you can't he's the only one that can.

Best of luck!

Sounds to me like the problem lies with you and his parents. So the problem needs to be solved with you and his parents. Try talking to his parents, yeah it sounds like the plot of a popular Tom Cruise movie, but it's worth a shot. Explain to them how you feel, how they're making you feel and most importantly how you feel about their son. It couldn't hurt to have him involved either to express to them his feelings for you, but it's not necessary. If that doesn't work, you'll have to leave it to him to put his foot down, if you can't he's the only one that can.

Best of luck!!

THank you. In answer to your answer, I have tried talking to his Mother. His father doesn't live in state, so conversing with him is difficult. I tried once, but he refused to talk to me. His mother is very friendly TO me, when I leave, she's having my Fiancé question my faithfulness, he's confronted me on it a few times. Once, when I was having coffee with his mother and my own, she told my fiancé "Whatever you do, don't take her from her family. She needs her mother." When he was medically discharged, her tune changed. His father live out of state, like I said, and she told my fiancé, "You need to move to <said area> with your father and me. She is the woman, she has to follow her future husband." That was the first and only time I've ever hard her acknowledge that we were engaged. Most of the time they pretend like we're not and are continuously trying to get him back with my enemy, his ex.

I've been reading around, and a lot of people are saying that if he/she doesn't make you a priority (new family comes before old family, etc) then that's a sure sign to run for the hills. I'm feeling guilty about even questioning our relationship, but when it comes to me or his family, I'm in a no-win situation.

I don't know. I think I know what to do, but I don't want to see it clearly. Thank you again, for taking time to read this and answer.

If his mother is making accusations against you and he confronts you later, obviously he is not defending you. You should ask him about that. If he isn't trying to mediate but instead brushes off your concerns and accuses you of lying, then he doesn't see how much this upsets you and doesn't care enough to make you feel better. I'm sorry, but I think for your sanity, you need a break from this guy.

I hate to start sounding so negative but I do think you are in a no win situation. Have you ever heard the saying, "blood is thicker than water"? Well it is true. When ever you have a spouse/girlfriend on one side and family on the other the family is usually the side the person chooses. And if by some odd chance he does lean towards you then what ends up happening is resentment builds up towards the spouse/girlfriend for coming between him and his family. You are in a difficult position. Your fiancée has already showed you time and time again who he is going to side with. Think about something for a minute, get a pen and paper out seeing this on paper makes it clearer. Make a list of the times that it was you or his family, like when you were hurt, or when his mom has called and he has left. Now make a list of all the times that you needed him and he had to tell them you needed him and he came. Or the times he told you no or told them no. Be honest. Now look at your two lists, your answer of where you stand is in front of you. If you want a life with someone that is going to be with you then you need to cut your losses now. You have given him 6yrs of your life and you are no closer to being first in his life than you were 6 yrs ago. If you make him choose and if he were to choose you over his family he would resent you and the two of you would not have a good relationship. You already no what would be the best thing for you to do but it will be hard and it is going to hurt like heck but you are going to have your heart broke anyway by this guy. He is a mommas boy and that in is self is the fist warning sign to run like hell. I wish I could give you an easy solution to your problem but there isn't one. You need to cut your losses now and find someone that will love you and want to build a life with you. The sooner you except the cold truth the sooner you will be on the road to healing from all this. Look at it like this, cut your lossed then you will be on your way to finding mr right. The reason I am so sure of all this is I went through the same thing twice, yes twice. The first time for 8yrs, the second for 9months with another guy. At least the second time it didn't take me as long to realized that this one needed to just stay with his family also. I am married to a great guy now that adores me and I have wonderful inlaws that I enjoy. There is the right one out there for you too you just have to be able to put you first and get on with your life. Good luck.