I've met my (ex-)boyfriend about 5 months ago. We spent 2 weeks before he had to leave for university, so we had a LDR. We have never fight, never had disagreements or something similar, on the contrary, I dare say it was too perfect... and I guess that's why it didn't work.

Two months ago he started talking to me less and less everyday, days passed by without any sign but I considered it was fine because we are both very active and we have different schedules. Though, it struck me when he hardly spoke to me even when I was free and available only for him (on messenger) or when he came home several times and he announced me only the day before he left (so that we couldn't meet more than once even if he came for 2,3 days or one week).

As the time passed by, I felt more and more hurt, so one day I asked him to tell me what he expects from me, because I was really confused since anytime we talked or met everything was perfect and afterwards he acted like we barely know each other. He looked really surprised and was speechless for more than 5 minutes then he telled me that he was 'so sorry for hurting me' and that 'he didn't do it intentionally'.Finally, the deal was that he would let me know about his intentions, but I couldn't trust him fully. So, everyhting was fine again, we talked EVERY day FOR HOURS and now he has completely disappeared: he hasn't phoned nor answered my messages for two weeks.

I don't bother if he still loves me or not, if he ever loved me or what other reasons took his heart from me, I don't feel broken-hearted because I tried to heal while we still were 'together', but I feel hurt that he didn't have the courage to tell me the truth and that he chose to get out of my life this way. He could simply tell me that he didn't love me or that he wants me to leave him alone and I would have understood, but this is too much for me. After all the sacrifices I did for him I suppose I deserve better..

And here come my questions:

1. I have plenty of friends, good friends and fair-weather friends, you know, I am very sociable and I love to be surrounded by lots of people, but I feel soooo ALONE... I'm feeling more and more blue every day and I'm losing the control of this. And that is because I miss that person who would give me special attention to what I say, who would care and trust me in everything I say and assure me that I'm not a weird girl and that I have a very good way of seeing things... that person I can talk anythting without feeling judged, that person who has the same tastes and shares the same beliefs... I became very confident since I met him, I even survived one month in hospital without sheding a tear or having any fear... because I knew I had him and he was my all... he was that kind of person I was looking for my entire life. That's why I never even thought of hurting him because I'm still grateful that I had him in my life. Before I met him, I was depressed, I didn't believe in myself, I was hiding from myself, I was never truly happy... and now I feel I'm somehow going back to that state... and I don't want to. I don't know what to do. I wish I could develop that strength and positive thinking I had with him and not depend on people anymore because I don't have anybody to replace him and you know, people come and go, I cannot risk anymore.

2. As I said, I cannot hurt him since he was a blessing for my life, but I suppose he will contact me some day, even if that will be tomorrow, two months or two years later. How am I supposed to react? How should I face his family? (They are living in my town, so I expect to meet them any moment and I don't think they know what really happened).

I'm sorry for this long post, I just wanted to include all the details for I need desperate help. Thank you for reading!

I would break up with him through a text, if he chooses to answer or not that is his issue. Start moving on, the feelings of being lonely will go away eventually.

You can move forward by forgiving this guy for the lousy way that he handled his feelings and getting on with your life. That doesn't mean you agree with what he did or that you accept this kind of behaviour... but it does allow you to move on and think, "This guy did the best HE could do... maybe he was afraid of talking to me about how he was really feeling -- I'm gonna move on with my life and wish him well."

You say you're a very social person and feeling increasingly isolated. This can be because you want HIM to be that person of support and person who empowers you and you haven't given up on that idea that you want your supporter to be HIM.

You said that he has been your "All" -- that means it's high time to put your energy and attention back into your social side and into yourself. Take back all that energy you gave him. Give other people a chance to care about you and connect to you... if we put ALL of our emotional energy into one person in that way (this one person alone can make me happy and fix my feelings) we're heading for a fall.

I have already forgiven him and I know it looks as if I'm obsessed with him, but I'm not. Really, I felt the same when I quarrelled with my best friend (who was a girl) and never become friends again. I just need somebody to accept me the way I am, but at the moment I don't have any other person of this kind. Although I'm sociable, most of the time I have to behave according to the people I talk to, if I try to be myself they just run away. I assure you that I'm not that weird, I just think too mature for my age and that's a real turn off.

I think you depend too much on what others think of you, and that makes you to dependent on a relationship to feel valued. I have read your other posts and they all scream the same thing. Dependence. I think you really do need to seek peace, and your own happiness without needing some one else to make you happy.

This is not a healthy love, just a latching on to some one. You must seek and find the value within yourself. That's a process, and a journey of self discovery. Then you won't choose and latch onto partners that bring you down, and disappoint you when they don't know what to do with the heart you gave them.

Please stay single, and make true friends who DO accept you for who you are, and present the real YOU! Not the just go along to get along version you are adapting. In this way, you will no longer repress your true nature, nor tie yourself worth and esteem to a romantic partner who doesn't deserve you.

Build a happy life that you enjoy with friends, FAMILY, and activities. Dating for fun is cool, making commitments so soon is NOT.

Talaniman is 100% correct. In your own words you say you behave according to the people around you (so that they'll like you and accept you) but you hide your real being - that's not connecting! That comes from neediness and dependency which mark your other relationships too. Giving yourself up (on any level) for others is a quick way to not be loving to yourself and if you're not loving to yourself, you're not loving to others. You depend so much on these relationships that you can't feel the love and value coming from them and you don't value yourself enough to be yourself. An endless loop that leaves loneliness and anxiety in its wake. - Time to find your worth!

Give the world the gift of you being you -- no matter how unusual you are, no matter how mature, there are those like you who want to be friends with you and accept you for who you are. I too was "too mature" for my age but when I quit trying to be like everyone else I stopped experiencing how different I was and started to experience the ways in which I was like other people. -- Speaking of "too mature" -- that's also a signal that you think you're different than others... is that true?. or is this just another unconscious mechanism to keep you from really getting close to people.

Thank you so much for these wonderful pieces of advice! What you described here sounds like me to all respects, so I will try to follow your recommendations as much as possible. I've always been myself until three years ago when I decided to make a 'change' because everybody hated me for who I used to be. And that's because, as you, WisperWill70 , said, I feel different and all people (including my family) think that I have something less common to find in others. When I have a good friend I can be myself but all the time I end up heartbroken for they all prove to be unreliable. That's why I started crawling for new friendships despite the fact I couldn't show my true side. But this time I will be myself and I'll be strong hoping that some day I'll experience that happiness I'm waiting for.

I'm in that same situation. I met my ex, we connected on so many levels, and he became my boyfriend, and my best friend. Whenever I was upset I knew I could turn to him. Whenever something made me happy he was the first person to know about it. But then he left. He moved on, and I'm stuck here feeling as if I'll never connect with someone like that again. He really understood me, and I understood him. He still talks to me. We still communicate, but it's not the way it used to be. I don't know what to do. He has said he wants to get back together, but he hasn't made any move towards that. I'm trying to not contact him, but when I don't he does, I'll respond, then he'll leave me hanging again. Any advice?

OMG, I didn't know there are people who have the same kind of experiences. I've been through all you described here and even if it hurts to hear this or you don't want to believe it, you should know that he's not that into you. It's you who knows best what happened since you met, but no matter how much he was in love at first, it's obvious he doesn't feel the same.


We still communicate, but it's not the way it used to be. I don't know what to do. He has said he wants to get back together, but he hasn't made any move towards that. I'm trying to not contact him, but when I don't he does, I'll respond, then he'll leave me hanging again.

I was exactly in the same situation. My life used to be like a roller-coster in the last 3 months because he kept convincing me to get back any time I tried to move on. I've been waiting and waiting for him to make a move or show me that he wants to get back together, but nothing came out. One day, I couldn't take it anymore and I asked him what he really wants from me because I feel used and confused about his behaviour and I was struck that he was so surprised to hear that. He said he didn't mean to make me feel that way, he asked me out the next day, hugged, kissed etc. and everything was fine, excepting the fact that I didn't feel it anymore. I pressed him some how to choose between getting back together or setting me free and he choosed to make a change because he didn't want to hurt or lose me, not because he wanted to be with me. I can't stand it when people make a change because I ask them to, I'd rather accept them for who they are than know that they struggle for me. Moreover, it doesn't come natural and I hate fakes. But he kept 'paying attention' to me everyday since then: texting me several times a day, talking about himself and his wishes, telling me secrets, until he suddenly stopped. No advertisement. No answers to messages or phone calls. Nothing. Just out of the blue. It's not because he has somebody else, but he doesn't love me as much as I do and he feels guilty making promises he cannot keep. This is what I think it happened, but he's the only one who knows the truth.

To conclude, I suggest you to be careful. Take care of yourself, dare to to be a little bit selfish and think of your best. If you don't, nobody will, trust me. And if you say he moved on, allow yourself to do the same, don't make the mistakes that I did. I know communication is essential for a couple, but in my case it didn't work and it ended badly. It's your choice if you want to talk to him about or take the control of the situation. If you choose the first option, you know what might happen, though you might be lucky as well (although it's hard to believe). On the other hand, if you choose the second option, I recommend you to completely ignore him. This is what everybody advised me into and I didn't listen. It was too hard to refuse to talk to him, but I think it's the best thing you can do. Just avoid him for a few weeks, focus on your studies or work, do something that makes you pleasure, that keeps you busy, meet some friends, go out and have fun, but don't gossip about him, in short, try to move on, forget about him for a while, then you will know what you have to do. If he insists talking to you (I mean, he really wants to talk to you and he proves he deserves it) then you'll know he really loves you, if he insists for a few days then he gives up or he doesn't care at all, he's not worth your time.

I wish you good luck. I hope it helps and I'd like to hear how you dealt with it.