Amber Waves
May 15, 2012, 09:05 PM
I'm 24 years old, been through a lot of relationships, tragedies, adventures, and well.. just life lessons in general. I've learned a lot and have an insatiable appetite for knowledge. My boyfriend is about to turn 21, we met on the road, and he's had a rough life himself, but our connection and ability to relate to each other about things is absolutely turned off. When we first got together I was trusting enough to let him go anywhere do whatever and we drank a lot so we always had fun up until he ran into an old fling and behind my back tried to sleep with her. When he told me later on what happened I was angry. He's put messages out on Facebook to old flings and yeah he sounds like that typical guy, but his heart is golden and he's the sweetest thing, but he doesn't know too much how life works. He doesn't get why I would have lost trust in him. He wants me to forget about it. Just drop it. Never bring it up again.
We traveled throughout California this year and that's when I got pregnant. I got a train ticket all the way back across the country to South Carolina. He's staying out in California with his family trying to get all his things together like an ID and license, work, and then he would fly back here and help me through pregnancy. BUT he is about to turn 21. 21 is that day when everyone gets smashed, facedown drunk, naked in the streets day. And he wants to go to a festival in Oregon this summer where I know he will just get so out of his mind that I believe he will somehow lose track of the fact I am here waiting on him and he would run into another fling and anything could happen.
So when he told me he wanted to go, I said I didn't want him to. He asked why I could just trust him, so of course I brought up the past events that led me to this point of distrust. Not to mention, my hormones have gone haywire! And I go from crying to OK to angry to OK to happy to sad. He said I'm just taking advantage of this time in pregnancy to lash out on him and blaming it on the "hormones" which is ridiculous. I just want him to get himself straightened up and be here for me and understand me. But now he is ignoring me. I got my first ultrasound pictures today. I swear the flicker of the heartbeat lit up this baby's eyes and they looked like his, and id love to tell him that, but he isn't answering my calls, writing me back, nothing. He just must be so mad that I said no to the festival, yet he's the one who actually has the option of walking away. He says he won't, he says he'll call when he has something to say to me... because he never has anything to say about anything. Id love to sit back and give him his space and not worry and say "fine, whatever" but if you claim to want to be a real father then BE ONE don't mess around and take your sweet time when your girlfriend needs you, am I right? Or am I totally wrong?
The hormones do make me nutty but when I am calm, I just want to tell him I believe in him, so I do, but he always resorts back that I just put him down too much and want him to fail. When I really don't. But apparently lost trust isn't important, otherwise we'd be totally happy right, if only I could just freaking get over myself and trust him!
We traveled throughout California this year and that's when I got pregnant. I got a train ticket all the way back across the country to South Carolina. He's staying out in California with his family trying to get all his things together like an ID and license, work, and then he would fly back here and help me through pregnancy. BUT he is about to turn 21. 21 is that day when everyone gets smashed, facedown drunk, naked in the streets day. And he wants to go to a festival in Oregon this summer where I know he will just get so out of his mind that I believe he will somehow lose track of the fact I am here waiting on him and he would run into another fling and anything could happen.
So when he told me he wanted to go, I said I didn't want him to. He asked why I could just trust him, so of course I brought up the past events that led me to this point of distrust. Not to mention, my hormones have gone haywire! And I go from crying to OK to angry to OK to happy to sad. He said I'm just taking advantage of this time in pregnancy to lash out on him and blaming it on the "hormones" which is ridiculous. I just want him to get himself straightened up and be here for me and understand me. But now he is ignoring me. I got my first ultrasound pictures today. I swear the flicker of the heartbeat lit up this baby's eyes and they looked like his, and id love to tell him that, but he isn't answering my calls, writing me back, nothing. He just must be so mad that I said no to the festival, yet he's the one who actually has the option of walking away. He says he won't, he says he'll call when he has something to say to me... because he never has anything to say about anything. Id love to sit back and give him his space and not worry and say "fine, whatever" but if you claim to want to be a real father then BE ONE don't mess around and take your sweet time when your girlfriend needs you, am I right? Or am I totally wrong?
The hormones do make me nutty but when I am calm, I just want to tell him I believe in him, so I do, but he always resorts back that I just put him down too much and want him to fail. When I really don't. But apparently lost trust isn't important, otherwise we'd be totally happy right, if only I could just freaking get over myself and trust him!