hi. my boyfriend and i have been going out for 3 and a half years.we have a daughter who turned one recently. my boyfriend's younger brother has a 2yr old son with this girl that we'll call Alice- very sweet 22 year old. the brother (we'll call Mark) is 26.mark found another gal and has been cheating on alice. my boyfriend and thier older sister know this other girl and entertain her. he took me and our daughter to the same girl's place to collect 'somethign' he never said what. i ofcourse told Alice because i wouldnt want that happening to me and no one telling me. mark was furious with my boyfriend for taking me there and now my boyfriend blames me for all the trouble that's errupted i.e alice went off and broke off wiht mark , my boyfriend says i'm trying to cut their family up and destroy the harmony and it turned into a nasty argument where we said a lot of bad stuff to each other. so we broke up but i still luv him. i would like him to grow up and see the wrongs of his ways but he seems to want nothign to do with me. did he ever luv me? or has he been looking for a way out all along? cos he's always accusing me of cheating. infact a mutual friend told me he once tooka girl to his place and wanted to spend the night there- has he been using me all along and strining me along? how can he be so callous and mean adn walk away from me and his dota without a back ward glance? how come we women are willign to hold on and pray and fight yet men just up and leave? i feel betrayed adn disapointed and am all in tears - angry and confused and soooo depressed. why me?

You have asked questions that either have no answers, or only the people involved know.
You are young, unmarried, no legal ties to each other (that's what marriage helps with!), and you should have known what would happen. What did you expect? You wanted to protect Alice but you did so at the expense of a lot of other people. It's usually best to let people find out the truth for themselves. You could have told her 'I'd keep an eye on that boyfriend of yours.'
Now if you want you can go to court and see if you can get a DNA test done and proceed with getting court ordered financial support. But as for the relationship, what can we say? He's gone. And you can't really generalize about women holding on either - they walk out all the time too.

thanks joypulv. we learn as we go along. am not young per say, am actually 34 and my ex is 33. i suppose you're a man and your view is straight forward. i think the reason this world is in a mess is because we have this view of 'let them find out themselves' . how would you want it to play out if it was you being cheated on and everyone aroudn you knows except you? when you do find out, you'd be very hurt. i guess am a mother hen trying to protect someone younger from the pain that i have faced myself by a previous unthinking boyfriend. all the same, i appreciate your views

You're missing my point. You can't have it both ways - you chose to tell about the cheating and you were met with consequences. Those consequences are common and expected. People get upset, accusing, blame each other. That was all I was saying. You took one path rather than another. Looking back and asking why why why and did he ever love me and why are men this way - none of that gets you anywhere. I've been dumped too. I know how much it hurts. You want to die, you can't eat or sleep or decide which shoe to put on first.
I'm a woman BTW. See, you can't guess by how people think and write and feel.

tx joypulv. i like how you call it as it is...tough to take in but we need people like you :). cheers!

I don't think he has the right to accuse you of "breaking up the family", you were not the one cheating, his brother was. Thankfully your moral compass is in the right place and you told this girl about the cheating, I mean, gross!!! Why should you have to be cruel and not tell her??? Regarding your boyfriend, be careful as he may be upset because he might try to get away with the same crap...