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pamelaadkins
Nov 24, 2009, 12:08 PM
What are reasons a father could get full custody of my daugther?

JudyKayTee
Nov 24, 2009, 12:38 PM
If you are somehow unfit or a danger to the child the father could get full custody. I am aware of a very recent NY case in which the mother (who was on Welfare) lost custody of two children because the father was able to prove he was in a much better financial position to support the children.

I was shocked (as I'm sure everyone was/is) and I know the decision has been appealed.

If there were other factors - and there very possibly were - I do not know what they were.

stinawords
Nov 24, 2009, 01:10 PM
If he goes to court and proves you to be unfit and/or him to be the better parent to award custody to. We don't know your situation so really can't be anymore specific than that.

pamelaadkins
Nov 24, 2009, 01:48 PM
I have been in the court system for over a year, wondering WHY I am still fighting. I agreed from the beginning when my x filed an exparte order to those terms, being 50-50 joint and legal with 50-50 parenting time with court recommended child support of $140. A month. I have been to court a few times, never seeing the judge, for settlement conferences and so forth.. I have asked my own attorney SEVERAL times why we are fighting and what we are still fighting about, he has never been able to answer the question. He just states my x did not agree but didn't know what he was not agreeing too. I assumed it was child support as my x does NOT think he should have to pay. We were in court a month ago and I was told that the judge ordered mediation and a deposition, I was told I had to get a witness list together, again I questioned WHY... was told because that was the order. I have exhausted my fincial means to continue this fight... I explained that to my attorney - he then entered a judgement to withdraw as my attorney because I would did not have the money (or see the point) in mediation.. at the hearing to withdraw, the judges secretary called me for my input.. I was suprsied but the judge had her put me on speaker phone, my attorney and my x's attorney was present. I explained to the judge what I just explained in this statement, I was THEN told by my X's attorney that indeed my x was fighting for full custody and reduced time with me... I asked for documentation because this was the first I had heard of it, the attorney stated he did not have it but would get it to me. I called my X and asked him, to my surprise, he said yes, I am fighting you for custody and I have been from the beginning. He stated it was because I did not enroll our daugther in preschool and he did not know who our daugthers doctor was.. I explained ,that I thougth that was bad on his part, because she has had that same doctor since she was born, and if he would ask me the ? Or TALK to me, this wouldn't be the case. He has unresolved issues with ME... and unfortunately I feel like he is using my daugther to vendicate those.

JudyKayTee
Nov 24, 2009, 01:58 PM
Step 1 - contact your local Bar Association and find out why your Attorney wasn't sharing any of this information with you.

Step 2 - ask the Court for an adjournment until you can obtain qualified legal counsel.

I am somewhat confused that your ex is seeking custody solely over not knowing the name of the Doctor and your failure to enroll the child in preschool and that you have been arguing those same two points for over a year. Highly unusual.

What State are you in? In NY child support and custody/visitation are often combined but are often separated if there is a lengthy battle.

Is your child a special needs child?

pamelaadkins
Nov 24, 2009, 02:08 PM
I know it is confusing, I am in the State of Michigan. I believe in my heart that my X knows that he does not have a legitimate reason, however, he would like to cause pain to me with the threat and that he will succeed by doing just that. Also, I believe he thinks he has one up on me because he is financially secure and I live paycheck to paycheck and these mounting attorney bills are getting out of control for me, so in his mind, again in my OPINION, he thinks that I won't be able to fight.

pamelaadkins
Nov 24, 2009, 02:09 PM
To answer your last question, no my daugther is not a special needs child...

stinawords
Nov 24, 2009, 02:55 PM
I agree with Judy, I don't see how just those two minor points could drag the case out by a year. Now, of course if the judge had to put the matter off your county could be one of the busy ones, like mine, and so a rescheduled court date could take a couple months to get. Do you actually have a court date set in which you will go before a judge?

JudyKayTee
Nov 24, 2009, 04:10 PM
to answer your last question, no my daugther is not a special needs child...


I thought maybe this was the problem with her not attending school. Again, contact the Bar and see what's going on.

I think if you go into Court without an Attorney you will have a problem. Also, your new Attorney can and should ask that your "ex" pay your legal fees if and when he loses.

Put a little fear back in him!

pamelaadkins
Nov 25, 2009, 06:15 AM
My trial date is December 16th... thank you I really appreciate all your input... I did ask my (former) attorney if I could ask for my court costs to be paid by my X because he was the one that is continuing the fight but I was told that wasn't something done in family court. I feel like I honeslty have gotten the run around. I think the two attorneys saw the financial picture, my X is in a financial position he can afford to drag this out, with no problem, and I made the statement in the beginning to my attorney, I don't have the money to fight forever, but its my daugther and I will Get It. I don't like to think or feel like I do, however, I can not believe that the fact that my x was fighting me for custody was hidden.

ScottGem
Nov 25, 2009, 06:25 AM
What I would suggest, at this point, is to ask for an ex parte meeting with the judge. Explain to the judge that

a) your previous counsel never explained to you the issues being raised by your ex or that he was challenging custody.
b) that you have exhausted your funds because of the delaying tactics of your ex and ask if it is possible to require that your ex pays your legal costs if he loses
c) ask what the holdup has been in resolving this matter.

Armed with this information you may be able to go forward. I would also, as Judy suggested, file a complaint with the local Bar association against your former counsel.

pamelaadkins
Nov 25, 2009, 06:31 AM
Great, I will do that.. Thanks again for all the help and support...

ScottGem
Nov 25, 2009, 08:02 AM
You're welcome and keep us posted.

pamelaadkins
Nov 25, 2009, 08:04 AM
Will do, for sure!