hey im 26 mynow ex girlfriend is 24we were together for eight years 5 days ago she said she wanted to break up and wanted me to move out said that we are no longer compatable and that we both need to make changes in our lifes also that we are to comfortable with each other and it is not healthy at such a young age. i feel lost i cant sleep or eat im am a mess. we just moved in together finally about 8 months ago i am confused as the first two days it was as if we were broken up she did not stay here and we were apart the third day she did stop in we did talked a little bit about changing bills over to her name for utilities that sort of thing as im moving and she was crying saying she needed me in her life as a friend and that if there is anything i need to call her and said she will be looking forward to seeing me the next night then the next two nights we slept together in the same bed and cuddled and she was crying saying she will miss me but this is something that needs to happen clearly she still loves me but maybe she is not in love with me anymore? she did mention she doesnt know how to be her and us and has never had the chance to be her as she was always her parents daughter and then my girlfriend also she said she wants to meet people and experiance new things and she doenst know how to do that with me. Its just dont know how to go about this situation as i do love her and want her back it is just now sinking in that its really over as i moved out and we havent spoke in about a week 8yrs is such a long time and for me to just move out not take time apart and work on things just end it does not make sense. it has been a week since i moved out and i dont know if i should call her or wait for her to call me the last thing she said to me was she does love me and we will talk soon any advice or help would be appreciated

Wow guy, sorry for your loss, but what happened that it took 8 years to decide to move in together to go poof in 8 months?

hi ask her to tell you the truth. and mary her

You do not call, she broke up with you and it's not clear to you yet. She's giving you mixed signals, comforting HERSELF by using you to cuddle and what-not. She wants to leave and not be with you anymore, sorry to say.

The best thing for you to do now, is to try and move on. Any way that is, it's definitely not keeping in contact with her...that will only make your life miserable. Keep up the NC and you'll see the light ahead...we've all been there.

From the way you've explained it, I would do some digging on this girl's background. It seems as though maybe there's a little guilt showing up here. From what you've said (and clearly, I don't know the whole story, i'm going by what i've read here...)it's possible that she had other relations while you were together and that's why she wants to "meet new people." It seems as though she was possibly (keyword: possibly) lying to you, which is why she is so hysterical about leaving. I don't know, it just seems as though she feels guilty to me.

8 years is a long time, but a break up is a break up, it hurts and it sucks (been there). Trust me we all felt the pain, it's horrible (diarrhea, loss of hair, hair turned white due to shock... you name it). Since it has been a long time, it looks like it is over between you and her.

You have 2 options, cling to false hope or move on. Read the stickies, take care of your life, move on. Be selfish, go to the gym, start doing the things you want alone. Being single can be the greatest thing that ever happened to you, it just depends how you do it.

Don't forget to post here how you are doing and how you are coping, we'll help you every step of the way.

ya it just doesnt make sense if your that hurt and upset when you break up with someone why do it it idont think i can do nc i will wait a few more days if she doesnt call ima try calling her and then that will tell i guess if nc is really the best its just so confusing

I totally agree with ajGambino. Your gf has had time to work through this in her head and heart, whereas it's a shock to you. You two cannot be "just friends" now after eight years as a couple and finally living together.

Like aj said, NO CONTACT. Make yourself the center of your life.

ya it just doesnt make sense if your that hurt and upset when you break up with someone why do it it idont think i can do nc i will wait a few more days if she doesnt call ima try calling her and then that will tell i guess if nc is really the best its just so confusing

Exactly, you are confused and in shock so you cannot make decisions. You are trying to understand why she broke up and you are over analyzing everything. As hard as it is, you have to go completely NC, or you WILL be in pain for a very long time.

Whatever answer you will get, will give you some comfort and it will make you stay by her side. That will comfort her and you will be her security blanket. She is weak and it is horrible that breaker do this to the breakee, but I rarely heard of someone who didn't pass by that.

Trust me, we passed by the pain and suffering so that we can help others in their paths. We are here to teach you from our own mistakes, and so that you don't do the same. NC is what you need to apply ASAP.

i will prrolly stay by her side no matter what i spent eight years with this women i love her, it does seem like NC is good advice for the time being everyone i talk to seems its a good idea she did call today and we chatted for a bit it almost didnt really bother me as long as she is happy and in my life even as a friend who knows its really not even a week i could really still be in shock but for NC should i be ignoring her calls as she was the one who contacted me first seems kinda cold to ignore her calls aftter all we have both been civil through this whole thing

i will prrolly stay by her side no matter what i spent eight years with this women i love her, it does seem like NC is good advice for the time being everyone i talk to seems its a good idea she did call today and we chatted for a bit it almost didnt really bother me as long as she is happy and in my life even as a friend who knows its really not even a week i could really still be in shock but for NC should i be ignoring her calls as she was the one who contacted me first seems kinda cold to ignore her calls aftter all we have both been civil through this whole thing
I still say go NC. Are you still going to be friends with her when she parades a new bf in front of you? and when you see her look into his eyes like she used to look into yours?

She calls you because she feels guilty.

ya nc is the best thanks for all the advice everyone appreciate from today forward its nc

OMG ! I feel so sorry for YOU ! I just broke up with my gf last weekend too, we were dating for like 2 and half years, and I'm so depressing right now. But your relationship is 8 years !? That is really hurt for you and I know that. Good luck to you !

Sounds like your ex has some growing up to do. Maybe you should give her some time to do that, while sustaining NC. After she stops trying to contact you, let her have some time to find herself and if she comes back to you later, (and you've found yourself again) you can decide for yourself whether or not you want to pursue the relationship again.

8 years is a long time, I don't think it would be ridiculous to try to make things work somewhere down the line. But maybe do some growing up first ;]

she just called i didnt answer we havent talked in about five days im fighting the urge to call her back this nc doesnt seem to civil ignoring calls seems immature im just so confused as to why she called should i call her back should i continue nc so confusing this is messed up

Keeping NC and ignoring her calls is what you do to protect yourself so you can heal and move on with your life. That's not being rude nor immature-you do that for yourself.
Any contact now will set you back and confuse you so stay strong and stay silent.

she just called i didnt answer we havent talked in about five days im fighting the urge to call her back this nc doesnt seem to civil ignoring calls seems immature im just so confused as to why she called should i call her back should i continue nc so confusing this is messed up
She's the one who is not civil and doesn't respect your space. Why do you think she is calling you???? She wanted the breakup. That means each of you go your merry way. Continue with NC.

been waiting for her call and when i get it i dont answer it im pretty surre that was just plain stupid and now shes going to wonder why i didnt call her back and know im ignoring her and her calls

Wow. SoooO many stories on this RELATIONSHIP FORUM and i really hate to be GENERIC and say the same thing over and over but all these situations are really PRETTY MUCH THE SAME!

OMG! I just cant believe it!

You 2 lovebirds are together and everything is great!

Then all of a sudden, something happens ( as it always does... Thats LIFE! ) , and the 2 love birds break up.

You two been together for 8 years then all of a sudden she wants to break up? BULLSH**~!

Too comfortable??? After 8 years , and all of a sudden she says this BULL?! HA! HAHAHAHH!... Your suppose to be comfortable! Its been 8 years!

Read between the lines my friend. I really dont want to be SEXIST. But you must agree with me that MALES + FEMALES are different creatures. God made us like this.

Shes telling you this as an EXCUSE. She is trying to let you go without telling you its PROBABLY because of another MAN.

If you treated her the way a WOMAN is suppose to be treated and you were faithful and provided everything she needed from a MAN to her for the past 8 years, then theres DEF another reason. I am assuming it could be another man and shes just not telling you fearing it might kill you inside.

Not knowing that whats shes doing now is hurting you just as much.
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I will teach you the fastest way to move on while sparring your manhood.

She is probably thinking

" The grass is greener on the other side. "

But know this.

" The Grass is only greener on the other side at first glance. " MY QUOTE...

1) You must be a mAN and accept what she wants. You must NOT beg and plea for her. I know it hurts. I been through exactly what you did and it hurt sooo Much. Apply No Contact and move ON. No contact means no cheating. No contact whatsoever. Never talk to her again. Walk away with your pride and head held high LIKE A REAL MAN! Easier said than done and i know this is NOT what you wanna hear. But this will save you much heartache later and you will look back and thank me.

If she says she wants to keep you as a friend = that translates into = SHE WANTS TO KEEP YOU ON THE BACK BURNER to USE AS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT WHEN SHE NEEDS IT!. She cuddles with you at night telling you all these sweet LIES! Shes using you when she needs you as her ROCK... Please dont forget this.

She is Selfish. She is NOT RESPECTING YOU as a man. She is playing you. Dont let her do this to you.

2) While you are hurting inside, use this time and hurt to BETTER YOURSELF. Better your inner self. EXERCISE, Learn new skills, Buy new clothes, Get a tan, Learn to dance, Exercise some more, do anything you want to occupy your time so you wont WASTE IT thinking about her.

Doing step #2 is Imperative! You will have accomplished 2 things if you do step #2.

a) Bettered yourself = you will be a more confident man. You rebuilt your confidence that she destroyed. You feel better about yourself. You stand taller. You are smarter for next time. You project that Confident AURA to other females. Its a WIN/WIN situation.

b) If she really loved you in the 1st place, she may see all of this and MISS YOU SO BAD shell want you back. ( or she may never come back ). Then its up to you to say if youll take her back.. YOU JUST FLIPPED THE TABLES ON HER~ With you holding the power and making the decisions.

3) If she does come back, Never believe her words. Only observe her actions. Words amount to = ZERO.

Good LucK.

Do you see whats happening? Its simple.

If you truly want her back, 2 things will inevitably happen.

1) She really, truly loves you and she comes back.
2) She never really loved you, or has moved on to bigger, better things and NEVER COMES BACK.

Either way you cant control it.

The only thing you could do is PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT! If you play your cards right, you UPP YOU CHANCES into getting what you want.

When you apply no contact = you are letting the fishing line loose. = the fish slowly swims towards you and comes back to you.

When you call her = you break no contact = you are pulling the fishing line and = the fish pulls even harder AWAY FROM YOU!.

I am sorry, that is a long time to spend with someone. But I would NC her, she thinks by calling you it will be ok, and then she can go on her merry way. She probably knows your hurting by you letting her no that. I would act the complete opposite it was her choice and this is what she wanted, and you respect her for that. Let time go by for awhile, you showing her you are moving on. It will either show her she still loves you, or she is looking elsewhere. IT will be hard to stay strong but his what you need to do right now.

I also agree with supermannnn on this one!

agreed but shes calling me maybe there is no chance at all at getting back together maybe there is but i feel no contact is def making sure there isnt a chance its basically saying leave me a alone so i can get over you and move on with my life with out you seems cold as hell that call really messed me up

Sighh... You dont listen to good advise.

I know you want her back. And maybe in the near future , that could happen. But right now, the problem is , she wants to break up!...

And you feel that no contact is DEFINITELY making sure there is not a chance.

But your wrong.

No contact does many things.

It gives you time to heal...

It gives you time to think...

It gives you time to better yourself...

It makes you let the fishing line loose...

It gives her time to MISS YOU...

It give her time to WANT YOU...

It gives her time to see how life is without you...

It does many things...

thanks for the advice much appreciated

Thats what were here for.

i guess i really don't listen to good advice went out to the club (her suggestion) with the ex and some friends had a blast ended up staying at her place on the couch we both ended up passing out on the couch never did anything i guess at some point she woke up in middle of night was like am i doing and went to bed i woke up hungover as hell and confused i am back in the friendzone not sure if its good or bad because the advice i got her saying am i going to be her friend when she has a new bf makes sense to me that would probably kill me NC is so hard she called last night to make sure i made it in alright as traveled back home said for me to call her sometime this week what a mess

thanks everyone for all the advice much appreciation have been thinking and realized i will only grow and learn from this experience as i did not need her in my life nor was she my life however i did want her in my life and did want her to be a part of my life. i strongly believe for any relationship to work one must love and be happy with oneself and be happy alone so you can share that with a partner and not depend on someone for happiness or a sense of worth/identity life is short you have to live it to the fullest and experience it try new things say yes when you would normally say no strive to learn each and every day a day without learning at least one thing is a waste grow don't let excuses or fear stop you from doing anything trust and believe in yourself. its easy to let emotions get the best of us especially when going through a break up due to the fact there a just so many pain hate rejection sadness maybe even happiness briefly if you have false hope or she calls. life is hard but always try to smile and keep your head up

Great insights Bob, keep going and take care.

thanks everyone for all the advice much appreciation have been thinking and realized i will only grow and learn from this experience as i did not need her in my life nor was she my life however i did want her in my life and did want her to be a part of my life. i strongly believe for any relationship to work one must love and be happy with oneself and be happy alone so you can share that with a partner and not depend on someone for happiness or a sense of worth/identity life is short you have to live it to the fullest and experience it try new things say yes when you would normally say no strive to learn each and every day a day without learning at least one thing is a waste grow don't let excuses or fear stop you from doing anything trust and believe in yourself. its easy to let emotions get the best of us especially when going through a break up due to the fact there a just so many pain hate rejection sadness maybe even happiness briefly if you have false hope or she calls. life is hard but always try to smile and keep your head up
Good advice!! (and I plan to give you punctuation marks and a few capital letters for Christmas this year)

lol thank you