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Oct 12, 2006, 01:47 PM
After a strange and rare situation with a friend of mine, a 17 year old girl that he used to like began to chat with me on the internet. I made sure that the friend didn't mind that I was talking to her because to some people, that might seem like a really mean thing to do. He claimed he was fine with it, and neither of us expected that me talking to this girl online would amount to anything, after all I'd only ever seen her once before.
I'll tell you in advance, I'm 18 years old and a natural smooth-talker, and just from our conversations I could tell right away that she was hooked. She began talking to me as much as possible and texting my phone. I have to admit I was quite astonished by the way she warmed up to me, I'm really not used to it. We found out that we share the same opinions in almost any subject, and we both are more interested in romance than sex. She really adores that I'm not just trying to get in her pants and it makes her want to move faster, and I foolishly went along with it.
Anyway, she called me once, and we ended up talking for 3 hours straight until we both had to bring it to a close. Our mutual attraction was becoming very strong, to the point where I was always complimenting her and she really enjoyed it, she also sent some back in return. We often tease each other about future possibilities. It was a fun game for a while but I think we are ready to move on. Should I just give her whatever she wants, or is there some strategic approach I should be taking to ensure success?
I read another post on this site that really had some great tips from WildCat21 about a similar situation, but not all of that applies to me. I need some personalized advice on how to keep her interest and bring us closer without giving her the wrong idea.
Oct 12, 2006, 01:53 PM
GO SLOW! Don't rush into anything take your time get to know her...
Oct 12, 2006, 01:58 PM
Be yourself & don't play games. Tell her how you feel - & if it's meant to be it will happen :)
Oct 12, 2006, 04:02 PM
NO. Don't give her anything she wants.
Where is wildcat here?
Man, you need to completely slow down. A girl doesn't need to be complimented all the time., She may like it now but I bet in 2 - 3 months you are back here asking why this girl is leaving you and asking for space.
Please go and read the thousands of other threads here where people have rushed into relationships and it has crashed and burned after about 3 months because they get smothered.
Dont smother her.
You need to keep living your normal life. Do thing shtat you always do. Don't change your life to be with her all the time.
But please don't give her everything she wants. Don't compliment her all the time.
Yes you have to be yourself but not to the point where you come accorss as clingy and insecure.
Ealry on just keep it fun. Laugh when your with her. Make her laugh. Make everything fun. There should be nothing serious now. This is all about fun.
Keep it fun and I'm sure she will enjoy you.
But just don't over do it. Keep things to a minimum early on ok?
Oct 12, 2006, 04:57 PM
Wow, thanks a lot guys. I really do appreciate the help, and it does make complete sense. I'll take your advice and keep you guys updated ^^
I'm pretty sure she is afraid of getting too close and then being left again, and she is really smart and beautiful. At this point I don't feel as if I could ever leave her, but I guess the key is to not let her know that. I just need to let her find out for herself that she can trust me and let her call the shots on where the relationship goes. Am I catching on here? As of right now she's the one that always calls or starts talking to me so I'm in the right place, I just need to play my cards right to keep it that way.
Oct 12, 2006, 05:18 PM
Not really. It isn't up to her to call all the shots. She doesn't dictate everything that happens and how slow or fast it happens. It is a two way street and about communication.
I think it is very naive of you to say that you can't ever see yourself leaving her. You don't really know her yet. You have a lot of things that you still need to find about her. This is called dating. You need to take it slow and learn the more intricate things about her and see if she is what your after.
And no, it shouldn't always be her that has to call you. Yes you have to play a little hard to get and keep some mystery, but she will also want to be chased a little. She will get jack of it if she feels she is putting in all the work to go after you and you aren't reciprocating.
Look, as I said, just take it SLOW. Don't make her your life. Do other things with your buddies. Don't always be available for her. But when your with her just make sure to have a good time and really get to know her.
You seem way to geeked out about this girl. You need to make sure that you don't smother her.
It is about BALANCE.
Oct 12, 2006, 05:30 PM
Dude you are a genius, lol. I don't know where all this insight comes from but it's truly brilliant. Whenever she talks to me, I always respond with enthusiasm, there is no doubt in my mind that she knows I am still interested. Yeah, my statement, I'll agree, was definatley naive. I just caught up in the moment, haha. Actually, we have plans to go to a party together at a friend's house, I'm going to see what she has for a wild side. If we end up going, you'll be first to know how it went down. If not, I have already subliminally asked what she likes for food, and I work for a restaurant :D (Big Bonus) I plan on taking her on a date there and have a meal already prepared for her lol. Just from knowing her personality I can guarantee she will love it. I expect you will tell me that I may be moving too fast to do such a thing, but I can tell by the way she talks to me that she is just waiting for me to ask her on a date. If you thing the whole "planning" idea is a bit extreme let me know, you are obviously far more experienced than I am.
Oct 12, 2006, 05:33 PM
Well, what "wrong idea" are you afraid of giving her? As others will tell you, take your time and don't focus your entire life on her. It sounds like you've already made up your mind to go full blast ; bad move. You and she are very young and you hardly know each other. Take things real slow and let things build up gradually.
Oct 12, 2006, 05:41 PM
Thanks for the input s_cianci, we are indeed still in the learning process, she doesn't know that I like her this much though. As long as I don't give her the idea that I'm going "full blast", I have plenty of room for reconsideration. Am I getting better at this?
Oct 12, 2006, 05:58 PM
Enjoy your date and make sure she does too.
Oct 12, 2006, 06:03 PM
Going to do the best I know how bud, I have a way with words and I'm not nervous at all. I think i'll benefit from it in the end.
Oct 12, 2006, 06:17 PM
Its good your confident. That will stand you in good stead for any women in future. Just don't be over confident.
But yes, take her on a date. Enjoy it and have fun. But after that you don't need to go on another one staright away.
Go and do stuff with your mates.
Just a little tip too.
On this date, don't organise your next date. Keep that for another call in a week or so. Keep her guessing!
Good luck and I'm sure you'll go fine. Especially if it all about fun.
Oct 12, 2006, 06:20 PM
Alright I thank all of you for the tips, I think my question is answered. Your advice will definatley be put to good use. Have a good one guys and girls.
Oct 15, 2006, 10:39 AM
Hey everyone, I just wanted to post that the best advice I ever got was to be myself. I went to a party last night with this girl and we had a great time and now she can't keep away from me. Nothing got even remotely sexual which is awesome because it really says something about her respect for the relationship. Neither of us were drinking either. I'm going to wait a few days and take her out on a real date, wish me luck :D
Oct 15, 2006, 10:41 AM
First of all, It is not a game. If you think of it as just fun and a game then why are you even here asking questions on what to do. Do not give her whatever she wants. What is it with you anyway. So leave it alone. No more games. If you seriously want to be with this person. You will take it nice and slow.
Oct 15, 2006, 06:52 PM
I do want to be with her, and she wants to be with me. I'm not going to push her to go at any speed, I'm just going to go with whatever feels right. I think you should lighten up with your comments. . . That was more insulting than helpful, but if you seriously think outside the box, life is a game. One of the definitions of game is: "An activity providing entertainment or amusement". Is this not achieved? And if this is not a game why is there a strategy guide? It's all a matter of opinion and we are not in agreement. There is more to playing games than winning or losing.
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