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Apr 8, 2008, 08:58 PM
Me and my ex-girlfriend have had limited contact since September of last year. She has rarely called and communicates in the form of text messages(which reflects on my cell phone bill as a charge-as miniscule as it might be). I have been reticent to contact her as I think she is seeing somebody else-more than likely living in sin with her new boyfriend if they are not already married(she has married before behind my back and came reeling back after it failed within a month).
To make a long story short, I ended up sending her a present(a ring) about a month ago with a note attached apologizing for whatever it is that I did to push her away from me and telling her that I still loved her. I spent over $150.00 on the ring, not out of a Cracker Jack box but a far cry from Saks Fifth Avenue or Tiffany's. I figured I'd shoulder the blame and be a man in this situation. At worse, I could walk away with my head held high. She supposedly received it on March 6. Well, nearly a month later(on April 1 and 2), she sends two text messages thanking me and then one telling me her sister is getting married in June. I ignored all three messages and have not heard from her since. My theory is she is living with somebody else and didn't visit home until recently. Maybe she was on a trip, but I suspect the former reason. Am I rude for ignoring her text messages? We have been playing this game of texting back and forth and it has not solved anything. I got to the point in February that I was going to quit responding to them. I figure if she wants to talk and work things out, she'll call. In the meantime, I'm not calling her neither. If she's involved with somebody else and possibly in a new living situation, I'm going to respect her decision and leave her alone. She made her choice to leave and I'm trying to live my life as if she is not coming back. Yet she continues to send me pointless text messages from which I can't infer anything other than she is trying to unsettle the waters again. Should I continue to ignore her text messages unless she gives me any indication that she is serious about working things out? I stand by my decision but was curious to see what others thought of this situation. Thanks!
Apr 8, 2008, 11:36 PM
I'm confused. You sent her a ring and still love her but you don't want to talk to her? I think I missed something...
Apr 9, 2008, 02:31 AM
I'm open to talking to this girl, but I refuse to answer anymore of her text messages. It is pointless to text back and forth when a simple phone call will suffice. I get the impression that she is afraid to have an actual phone conversation with me because something is going on with herright now that will upset me if I find out and cause her to lose me for good. I will not call her because I am under the impression that she is with somebody else and therefore has no room for me in her life. When I sent the ring, I was trying to show her that I was sorry-I have no idea as to who is really at fault for this disconnect so I just sucked it up and apologized. I still love her-we've know each other for well over 10 years-even having a child together that later passed away at 11 months and that is not easily dismissed although she seems to find these years worthless. In this day and age of text messages, I-Phones, Blackberries, Bluetooth headsets and all this other high-tech trash, what is so hard about just calling me if she's going to thank me? The gift obviously means nothing to her-she can hock it for all I care. I told her how I felt and I apologized-the ball is squarely in her court. She either wants to come back or she doesn't. It seems like every time I get several weeks behind me without hearing from her-alas, the red message light blinks on my phone out of nowhere. The messages thus far have given me no indication that she wants a reconciliation-I keep construing them as, "she's just trying to play games." Until that text message or phone call comes through that tells me 100% that what we had for the past 10 years meant something, I refuse to communicate with her.
Apr 9, 2008, 07:53 AM
Ok. Now I get it. Does she realize that you don't like texts and find them impresonal? I don't think it's rude for you to stop replying to them. Kind of sounds like it's just time for you to move on. You tried to making things work again when you sent her the ring. I think it was rude that 1)she took so long to thank you and 2) she did it through a text. There's not much else you can do.
Apr 9, 2008, 06:37 PM
You hit the nail on the head. I would be much less likely to complain about this if she just ignored my gift totally. I know that sounds retarded, but when I sent it, I knew that I was taking a gamble. Since she has texted me every now and then, I thought this would be a way to break the ice and get us talking again. The text messages are what gets me hot under the collar. Why can't she just call me? Why can't she sit down and write a letter? The text messages show me that she just does not care. If we were talking again and everything was fine, an occasional text like, "I'll meet you at 8:00" or "call me later" would be alright. To me, it seems like she is playing a game. I talked to her what seemed like eons ago, and she told me that she wanted to get on a cell phone plan that allows unlimited texting. I strongly suspect that she uses the text messages instead of a phone call because she can string me along and her new boyfriend would be none the wiser. Again, I'm not calling her, visiting her, or having any contact with her whatsoever until I get a clear indication that she wants me back in her life and wants to give things another shot. I'm respecting her privacy by leaving her alone. I wish she could respect me and either let me move on or give the relationship the chance it deserves. She is not letting me move forward when she sends these sporadic text messages which have done nothing to salvage our relationship.
The problem with today's society is that nobody seems to give a crap anymore. E-mails and text messages have replaced the traditional letter and phone call. People seem to accept these forms of communication as a way of life. She has shown me that she does not give a crap anymore either. Today's music is the same way-now it seems all anybody ever does in their songs is moan and drone-they seem to be afraid to put forth a sincere, heartfelt effort to sing or play a freaking instrument. Nobody wants to talk anymore-just text it or e-mail it. I'm not responding to anymore of her messages and letting it go. Jason
Apr 9, 2008, 08:57 PM
Just wanted to add to my last message concerning my ex-girlfriend thanking me via text messages. Several days after I received the text messages(which I blew off as an April Fool's joke and an attempt to be cute in front of her friends), I received a strange phone call at 11:03 at night while I was at work. The area code was adjacent to the one I'm in. No message was left. I have a pretty active imagination and I began wondering if that was her new boyfriend calling to tell me off. Furthermore, I started wondering if she lives with this boyfriend(who could live out of town but within a short commute to my area). I have a feeling she met the new guy at work and they commute together. She told me awhile back that she changed her schedule to 2P.M.-11P.M. Then again, I get several calls per week from a collection agency looking for somebody I've never even heard of. I have gotten calls in the past from this area code-even several messages. One was from a social worker calling to arrange for a home visit between a mother and her two sons. Maybe I'm just over obsessing and going crazy. The above mentioned number has not called back. Nothing has been proven as factual-again it's "just my imagination running away with me" like the song by The Temptations. I keep asking myself, "Why would she text me nearly a month later thanking me for my present and then her boyfriend call several days later to tell me off?"
Apr 9, 2008, 09:24 PM
She is your ex. If you decide to spend your money on an ex, and she pawns it, sells it, sends it back, keeps it, or flushes it... Its not rude.
She is your ex.
Blame society. Blame tech. Blame all you want.
The fact is, when its broken, its broken.
You decided to spend coin on an ex. You thought maybe that would show your devotion. Its getting you nowhere.
Look... I've been where you are. Fought to get back that girl who, if she only knew how much I cared, should come back begging.
Doesnt go that way most of the time.
Heres what you do. Leave her. Go away. Period. She knows where you live, right?
Until she's knocking on your door at night, needing to talk to you, see you, smell you, touch you... She's not yours. Even then, she might just need a comfort fix.
You are both playing head games. You are both wasting your time.
Either you both are all in, or its all over.
Complicate it all you want... It isn't that complicated.
It sucks for you... But its that simple.
Apr 9, 2008, 09:39 PM
I hope you told her flat out to call you if she wants to talk, and forget about the text message option. Sometimes you have to be blunt to get what you want. If you keep trying to figure out the motives or reasons other people do the things they do, you will go bonkers before long. Don't stew about what other people do, or don't do, just be clear with them what you want... So if you don't get it, there won't be any doubt that they knew. If you assume they should have known, that still doesn't tell you for sure that they did know.
Apr 9, 2008, 11:31 PM
Kp2171 and oneguyinohio,
I totally agree with both of your posts. I have left this girl alone since I sent the gift and intend to do so until I get a clear indication that she wants to work things out. So she has a new boyfriend(or maybe not-but I'm going to assume she does)-she made her choice and I'm not going to interfere. She definitely knows where I live, knows my work schedule, and knows my phone number-I'll know without the shadow of a doubt if she ever decides to come back. I have not made my wishes known to her, however, about ceasing the text messages and calling if she really wants to talk. She is pretty sensitive and if I tell her so, she may take it the wrong way. I'm thinking about telling her, though. Given the way she has been texting me here and there, I thought that by sending her a gift as gesture that I was sorry for not devoting more attention and time to her and telling her that I still loved her, it might give things the extra push to get us talking again-but it appears that it failed. But I gambled-I tried...in the end that is all you can take comfort in. Thanks for the replies and take care. Jason
Apr 14, 2008, 10:49 PM
I agree with KP. It sucks, we all know that because the majority of us have been there done that. Delete her number from your phone, do not try to contact her again, and definitely do not buy her anything. All that will do is make you think "hey maybe there is still a chance" when there isn't. The fact that she can't even CALL you to thank you, is just rude anyways. You said you "intend" to leave her alone until she wants to work things out, Don't do that! It's over, move on. If it doesn't work the first time, it probably won't work a second time and if it works a second time, it most definitely won't work a third time. You did your "gamble" and you tried, and it did not work. So stop doing this to yourself and thinking there is still a chance, there isn't. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm just trying to tell you how it is. Once you realize it's over and done with and that you shouldn't even try, then you will feel so much better.
Apr 15, 2008, 09:03 PM
I agree with your last post. I am never going to contact her again-you can bet on that. Mother's Day is coming up, with her birthday to follow in June. She is getting nothing else from me-period. Not a card, not a phone call-anything.In the past, I treated her to dinner and/or a present on Mother's Day since we did have a daughter together(who passed away at 11 months). I'm sure our daughter is looking on right now, thinking what a shame it is that her mom and dad could never make it work-maybe that's why she passed on so soon. I believe that even an infant can innately sense when there is tension between its parents. I ended up taking care of her for the short time she was alive because her mother had some psychological problems following the birth and was heavily medicated. The present sort of gave myself some closure-maybe if she ever thinks of me now and then she'll remember that I did try and I also left her alone when things didn't go as I had wished. I can walk away knowing that I tried to put things right and I told her how I felt. We have been broken up before and she always comes running back when her new lover turns out to be a flop. Regardless, I may sound a little cocky-but whoever this girl is seeing now has no idea about what he's in for should they have any children. She couldn't be a fit mother the first time and the child almost went into foster care because of her crap. I knew her for over 10 years and thought I understood what made her tick. The next guy may not be as patient with her. When and if she ever comes back, there will be no sympathy from me. The last time she did this, I just laughed in her face when she told me she slept with somebody else. She has put me through so much hell that I am not fazed anymore. I can accept the fact that it is over and I'm now on day 41 of not talking to her. It gets easier and easier as time goes on. Thank you for your insight and take care. Jason
Apr 21, 2008, 09:44 PM
I think a month-later text reply to the type of gift you described from someone who is receiving a profession of your love is beyond rude. It's bizarre. The ony reason for it is that she's playing games, either because she's enjoys the sport of it, is with someone else, or unintentionally because she's not clear in her own feelings.
I suggest you pick up the phone, as her to meet you for a date, and talk things through. Then be direct but kind. If she hedges around your questions or doubletalks, or is not "available" to meet you, you need to be done with her permanently...she's not the one.
Apr 21, 2008, 10:13 PM
I disagree with dontknownuthin, don't waste the time calling her. Move on.
Apr 22, 2008, 08:57 PM
Hey Dontknownuthin and justcurious55,
Thank you for your replies. I partially agree with you, Dontknownuthin. I am sure she is with somebody else and she might be confused about her feelings for me as this other person is in the picture. She didn't "point-blank" tell me things were over and I didn't break things off either. She just complained about me hardly calling her and not feeling like doing the things she wanted(like go to the mall and shop, etc). Then one day in September of last year she just decided to run for greener pastures. I am extremely exhausted during the day since I work long hours at night(anywhere from 50-60 per week). I have bills to pay, rent, and I am independent. She's 25, lives with(or did live with her parents-if she lives with her new stud-oh well. I hope he's as responsible as me or she's in for a world of hurt). She doesn't understand what it is like to be on your own and she could barely manage her money without her mom's help. She was pretty much broke all the time, yet she expected me to jump at her every whim when she wanted to go out. I'm extremely proud and stubborn and it took a lot for me to lose it and send her an apology and present. I could see where she might have felt some neglect on my part. I have no regrets about the gift. I told her how I felt, and I ended the note with, "...and if you never return, I'll understand." It has been about 21 days since her last text message. While setting up a date might be with good intent, the reality is that she is with somebody else and has no place for me in her life-I'm basically a piece of crap to her. I'm starting to feel better about myself and getting a clearer perspective on things. Contacting her would just set me back in much the same way a nuclear war could send us back to the Stone Age. She made her choice to move on and nothing I do or say is going to bring her back. It's in God's hands now. I'm never going to contact her again and the friendship and relationship that was between us is obliterated as though it never existed. There are plenty of girls out there who can appreciate what I have to offer, so I am moving on. Again, thanks for the replies and take care. Jason
Apr 24, 2008, 07:17 PM
Sounds to me like she is not interested. I agree if she were then she would have taken the time to call you and thank you for the ring, said what's up and at the very very least said can we get together for lunch sometime?
I think she is trying to avoid you and wants to give you that impression by texting instead of calling because she doesn't want to encourage you or get your hopes up that there may be more. She probably even mentioned her sisters wedding so that you would get the clue that since she didn't say want to go with me that you would see she can bring something two months from now up but can't even suggest getting together.
I agree with Ohioguy you need to be blunt and tell her that you want to talk or not but NO texts
What does it matter what her reasons are? It won't change anything.
Apr 24, 2008, 09:00 PM
Thank you for your post. I am under the impression that she is not interested as well. The last time I actually talked to her, she told me that she "liked" somebody else. I replied with"Well, I guess there's no sense in me hanging around is there?" She proceeded to tell me, "No, don't say that. I'm not happy right now." I'm sure she has already slept with him and done every other vile thing known to mankind but I'm not losing sleep over it. I was in her life for 10 years but now I'm gone. She'll never see or hear from me again. Granted, we have several "falling out" instances in the past where we did not speak for long periods of time and then she'll come back(when the relationship with the new stud isn't what it's cracked up to be). This one is different because there are text messages from her every now and then. Regardless, I'm moving on knowing I tried to show her my love. She rejected me so there is nothing else I can do-its all about choice and free will. Again, thanks for the reply and take care. JAson
Apr 25, 2008, 03:18 AM
The last time I actually talked to her, she told me that she "liked" somebody else. I replied with"Well, I guess there's no sense in me hanging around is there?" She proceeded to tell me, "No, don't say that. I'm not happy right now."
So... She wants you to stay around because she's not happy?... Wow. So shed like you to be the shoulder she leans on to get over you. How twisted and wacked is that?
Glad you've had enough.
Apr 25, 2008, 06:41 PM
You bet I've had enough. What's more, she proceeded to ask me why her relationships never work out. It's the same ol' song and dance with her. She left me for almost 3 weeks 2 years ago-came back crying, saying she slept with the guy but was not happy and wanted me back. She left me almost 4 years ago, whoring around behind my back with some other guy about a month before our daughter was born. I did not find out until after the birth from one of her friends and I dumped her shortly after she left the hosptal(which our daughter was born premature and still fighting for her life in the neonate ICU). She came back after the guy cheated on her. She left me back in 2003, came back when the new boyfriend smothered her incessantly-clingy, obsessive, etc. I bet the guy she's with must be something-well hung, nice car, nice body, loaded, and patient enough to put up with her faults(I say this with some sarcasm)-this crap has been going on since September of last year. It looked as though we were about to reconcile around Christmas, but too many things about her behavior set off some alarms and I told her to get out of my life until she decides what she wants. That pushed her further away, which caused me to second guess myself thinking, "Maybe I was too mean to her." That is why I sent the gift-if we never talk again, she'll at least know that I was sorry and how I felt. She has a history of keeping me around-never officially breaking up-while she sows her wild oats. Like I said, I'll never see her or talk to her again. I'm dead to her or maybe she's dead to me. If she thinks I'm just going to contact her down the line or show up unexpectedly, she's dead wrong. Everything that existed between me and her is dead, except maybe I feel more and more animosity and hate towards her for what she's put me through. Thanks for your reply...take care. Jason
Apr 25, 2008, 06:50 PM
You were not too mean to her. She needs to be bluntly talked to. She is only thinking about what she wants a the moment and not considering or caring about any long term effects. She needs to grow up and realize that life and people's feelings are not to be treated like today I want vanilla ice cream and tomorrow I want rocky road ice cream and next week I go back to vanilla ice cream.
Apr 25, 2008, 08:54 PM
She has a lot of growing up to do-and she's 25. That was why I have not married her by now. She SUPPOSEDLY has my engagement ring and I don't plan on asking for it back. I'm just writing the whole thing off and moving on. Whatever she did with it is her business. The way I am starting to feel now is that she can just stick it where the sun don't shine. I bought that ring when my mom was dying with cancer back in 2000. I still feel cold and selfish to this day as that money could have been spent to make my mom's last days more pleasant-like a trip to a place she always dreamed of or whatever she wished. I was too busy trying to impress this poor excuse for a woman. If we married, it would've ended in divorce anyways because I told her the first time she cheats, her bags are going to packed and out on the curb. I will not be married to somebody like that. She has some psychological problems(depresson, schizo-affective, and some bi-polar) for which she is taking medications. Still, there is no excuse for this crap. She's only screwing herself by bouncing from one relationship to the next and making herself vulnerable. I have never cheated on her, hit her(I wouldn't dare hit a woman-no matter how mad they may make me), I and I've forgiven her time and again but this is it. Thanks for the reply and take it easy... Jason
Apr 26, 2008, 06:04 AM
I bought that ring when my mom was dying with cancer back in 2000. I still feel cold and selfish to this day as that money could have been spent to make my mom's last days more pleasant-like a trip to a place she always dreamed of or whatever she wished. I was too busy trying to impress this poor excuse for a woman.
Do your best to let this go. Your mother would have wanted to you be happy, more than anything... And you are taking those steps. Sure... You can look back and find spaces where you could have done things differently. We all have them.
My grandfather was my father figure growing up. He was the person who taught me what it was like to feel absolutely loved with no bounds. The last time I saw him, he was sick in the hospital. Id driven hours to see him from college, but stayed just a fraction of the time I should have. Seeing him in that state took a toll on me and I just couldn't suck it up. Three days later he passed, and I could not be there to comfort him. As the years have gone by, I've always said if I could change just one thing in my past, I would have not left his side.
But that's the past and you can't change it. You'll kick yourself a long time for things like spending time or money on that girl when you could have spent your time and money on your mother or elsewhere... But it doesn't do much good other than to hopefully keep you grounded now, on what you can control.
My wife's father, a few weeks before he passed, leaving town after his best friend just died, said "we are too short lived and too long gone to live our lives frustrated and angry"
This from the alpha male italian hothead, being said to the young irish-serb hothead who sometimes punches first and buys drinks later.
So... Use your anger at her to work through the noise. Use your frustration with yourself to focus you on what you did right, and what you won't put up with. As for the rest... Well, you just can't let the past keep you from living in the present.
Again, glad you are stepping through this. Some days you will feel powerful, and some days you'll feel like you've been hit in the gut.
Apr 29, 2008, 06:38 PM
Thanks for the response...I found it comforting that I'm not the only one who has some regrets about the past. True...I am extremely angry at this girl(or thing). But I'm going to use it to get over her. Every time I start thinking of her, I'll think of one of the numerous instances where she has treated me like crap. I cannot put her on a pedestal any longer-her kind only continue to propagate bad relationships. I may have been boring to her as I could not take her out as often as she wished and could not call her as often, but at least I was faithful to her. This is more than I can say for the new guy in her life. It seems she always makes bad choices where love is concerned, so I have a feeling she'll get a taste of her own medicine sooner or later with no help from me. Again, thanks for the reply and take care...Jason
Apr 30, 2008, 09:00 PM
Just thought I'd give an update. Last night, while I was at work, that idiot(my ex) sent me a text message reading(in the manner in which it was composed)-"Who let duh bears out?" That retard was obviously referencing the now infamous song from 2000 by the Baja Men called "Who let the dogs out?" As for the "bears" reference, she was referring to her pet name that she called me during that mockery of a relationship. I was tempted to change my number as I am sick and tired of her stupid crap but decided not to. It pissed me off so bad that I lost my appetite for the rest of the day-and I'm usually starved when I get home. Here I try to move on and it seems like just when I do, she finds a way to twist the knife with a text message. I remember dating another girl over 10 years ago. When we broke up, at least she had the decency to go her way and let me go mine. She even gave my presents back. The breakup hurt like crazy back then, since it was my first serious relationship, but I have way more respect for her than I do my recent ex(a.k.a The Text Tormentor). Even when she ran off and got married behind my back over 7 years ago, she left me alone. WHAT IS HER PROBLEM? I swear I am so pissed right now that if she were to walk in the room right now, I'd scream at her until her ears bled profusely! Is there no end to her idiotic hijinx with these stupid text messages?!Help!
Apr 30, 2008, 09:19 PM
Well... If you are still in the "getting over her" mode, and I think you are, you can
1) ignore it and not respond or
2) change your number
Sure... She's going to probably ruin a few more nights with more text... Ok. Honestly... It wasn't that long ago that you were sending presents.
And you know she texts... You said that was her MO.
So... You just got to roll with it for a time. If it completely tears you up, then change the number. My wife had to do that twice to get an ex off her back. Pain in the arse, but its what she had to do to stay sane.
So... She's still under your skin and its irritating you like mad. You are miserable. Mortal. Normal.
You aren't her buddy, and that text sounded like her looking for a buddy. She's reaching out, but for the wrong reasons. Its again about leaning on you while she moves on. Forget it.
Ignore her one way or the other. If she has anything of any meaning to say she knows where you live. Outside of that, just let the noise be more fuel for the fire.
Apr 30, 2008, 11:39 PM
Part of me wants to respond to her text in a humorous, nonchalant way(like fighting fire with fire so to speak), and part of me wants to ignore it. I came so close to responding but I caught myself. I figured if I joked back with her, it would show her that I have moved on and could care less one way or the other. Deep down I wish we could work things out-I'm not going to deny that. That is why I get so AGGRAVATED with her texts. I see the red message light blinking, I get sort of excited thinking the message will be positive and things between me and her might be about to turn a corner, but the message turns out to be crap. If she has another boyfriend, why must she continue to send me this pointless garbage? If I was dating somebody else right now, I would feel so elated that I could care less about my ex. I wouldn't send her stupid messages for a cheap laugh. She must derive some sick pleasure from doing this to me. She's hurt me plenty of times but never adding insult to injury like this. It would be hard to change my number because my friends and family are used to it now and its not worth it over her. I would just be giving her the satisfaction of knowing she is grating on my nerves. Well, I'll get over it but I am so PISSED right now. I think I might get a punching bag and pretend its her, maybe that'll relieve me of some tension. Thanks for the reply...take it easy. Jason
May 1, 2008, 08:52 PM
Well, hopefully I've finally put an end to the text message issue. I sent her a LONG message today telling her how I honestly felt and not to contact me anymore unless she wants to discuss a reconciliation. I told her to respect my wishes as I am respecting her by leaving her alone and not interfering in her life. I told her that if she did not feel the same, I'm leaving her alone for good and wishing her the best. I think I might have blown it when I mentioned my dad and how he is sick and dying of heart failure-I told her being led on and hurt by her is the last worry I need right now. She responded shortly after receiving my message and said she was very sorry to hear about him and asked what was wrong with him. I told her and left it at that. For all I know she might see this as a sign of desperation but that is truly what is going on right now. I had a terrible falling out with my dad about 4 years ago and we sort of made up after my daughters funeral when he attended. It was ashamed he never got to see her when she was alive and hold her. Right now I am trying to put things right with him and it is very hard. Now we'll see-although I have a feeling my ex will send me a message saying that she is involved with somebody else, etc. I'm at a point now where I've accepted that. Its the text messages here and there that have been giving me false hope and now I've had my say. From here on out, it is NC for good. All that frustration I had bottled up inside finally came out in that message and hopefully she'll get it. If not-oh well. Jason
May 1, 2008, 09:07 PM
Hey Jason. Its a good thing you let out your feelings and told her how you felt. If she honestly respects you, then she'll respect what you said and will stop texting. If she doesn't, be very very careful because either she doesn't know what she wants and is totally confused, or keeping you as a backup in case her flings fail, or is involved with someone else. Either way, your at a loss. You deserve someone a lot better, and I'm sure ull find her. Good luck. :)
May 1, 2008, 11:33 PM
Thanks for the reply! I have a feeling the messages will continue with no heed to what I asked her-she's like that. In the ten years that I've known her, we have been on and off. In the off times, she'll just stop talking to me. Now that text messages are the rage, she has a new way of making sure I don't disappear on her. She'll just send something pointless. Either that, or she just delights in ticking me off and rubbing salt in the wound. It seems to me like she doesn't want to fully let me go and just uses me to break her fall when her other flings backfire. I won't be responding to her anymore unless she wants to discuss a reconciliation. If she is involved with someone else at this point, I don't see why she must continue to text pointless crap to me unless it is out of spite, and if so, that is a new side to her that I've never seen before. She usually just leaves me alone when she is happy with somebody else. Again, thank you for the reply and take it easy. Jason
May 1, 2008, 11:39 PM
Until she begs you to take her back... All the rest is noise.
And I'm not saying you should take her back if she begs... I'm saying that anything less than her doing a complete 180 is just talk and noise. Until she's ready to chase you down, she's just not that interested in anything other than her own comfort.
May 2, 2008, 02:01 AM
I totally agree with your post. When I sent her that message yesterday, it was gut wrenching because I felt as if I was weak and giving in after nearly 2 months of NC. I sort of thought that I was being too stubborn and it was time to make my intentions known. Now I can cut all contact for good and stop obsessing over whether or not I tried hard enough. She told me once that she read a book entitled, "He's Just Not That Into You"-the name of the author escapes me. She always complained that I didn't call her enough or show her more interest-sometimes I feel that is what lead to the demise of the relationship. But it seems to me that she would have made an effort on her part if things were worth saving well before it got to this point. She knows I work a lot to support myself and that surely I must be exhausted. Well, things are definitely going to have turn around no less than a 180 before I ever consider getting with her again. I've forgiven her for alot-I'm sure if I just left her for somebody else it would take forever for her to forgive me. Thanks for the reply and take it easy for now...Jason
May 2, 2008, 06:38 PM
Well Day 1 has passed since I texted her. I failed to mention several posts ago(where I said that she asked what was wrong with my dad) that not only did I tell her what was wrong-I point blank asked her in a separate text, "Do you want to work things out and talk?" I feel like such an idiot now, that same empty feeling where my heart is has returned, like the time she told me she "liked" somebody else but wasn't happy. Well, its my own fault I rubbed my nose into this crap so I don't expect any sympathy. It's like trying a arm wrestle with a healing broken arm. The stress aggravates the healing fracture-the pain returns and you are set back to square one. If there is any silver lining to this lapse of stupidity, it is that the ball is squarely in her court now. I asked, she ignored it, so its adios to her. Jason
May 2, 2008, 06:51 PM
So you felt like firing a shot across the bow. Its done.
Now stop it.
She knows you are interested. You are sending mixed messages now... Ignoring PM's and then inviting her back in the mix.
You took a shot. You have an answer. Even if she thought about it, you don't want that girl. You want the one who needs to be with you, not one who might consider it... You're way past the point of trying the relationship on just to see how it looks. Now you need her to be in or be out. And unless she's kicking in your door and telling you she needs to be with you, she doesn't.
May 2, 2008, 09:02 PM
I feel so retarded right now for breaking NC in the first place. I felt way better when I was ignoring her than I do now. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I'm mainly pissed at myself-I feel like like a ninny. For all I know, that stupid message she sent the other night that started this whole thing could have been written while she was humping her new lover and having a good time. He could have even put her up to it and they both laughed like two hyenas. Now I see the beauty of NC, if I had stuck to it instead of responding to her, I wouldn't be feeling this way right now. I think I would have moved on way sooner had this girl not been in my life for so long. Ten years is a long time and its really hard to just finally say, "to hell with it'. If I had somebody else right now, I wouldn't bother her anymore like she has done me. Prior to this, I let her be. I never even darkened the door of where she works, I haven't called, I haven't texted, I haven't written, nor have I ever driven by her house. I dropped out of sight as if she never even met me. The only thing I did do was apologize and send her a gift in an attempt to get us talking again(as she was sending messages here and there but never calling to speak with me directly). If I was with somebody else and they continued to send text messages to their ex(no matter how pointless they may be), it would disturb me a little. I've tried to respect her space(with the exception of the gift) but she can't respect the fact that maybe I'm trying to heal if she never wants to try again. Well, I've officially said "to hell with it" and I'm not trying to mend fences anymore. It was just like trying to rearrange the deck chairs while the "Titanic" sank. Anyways, thanks for the reply and take care. JAson
May 6, 2008, 06:33 PM
Just a couple of thoughts. Day 5 has passed since my last message to her and I still feel like an idiot although the sting subsides with each passing day. I still wonder if I did the right thing by finally opening up and letting her know my intentions. The LONG text message read as follows(and it actually counted as 4-"I still want to work things out and make it up to you. If you feel the same, call me or text me and we'll talk. If not, I'll leave you alone and wish you the best. Do not contact me (again)unless you want to work things out. PLEASE respect this as I respect you. My dad is very sick and has only a few months to live. The last thing I need right now is you hurting and leading me on. I still love you, don't ever forget that. Remember, I still want to work things out. The rest is up to you. Take care." She then proceeded to tell me she was sorry about my dad and then asked what was wrong with him. I told her and then asked her point blank if she wanted to work things out. I wish I never asked her that but I sort of thought it was time to cut the BS and get down to brass tax. She has been sending me messages here and there, as if she doesn't want me to move on. It's like somebody stabbing you in the back. When you try to move on and you least suspect it, they stab you again. Anyways, I'm looking down the road to August. Hopefully, I'll be over this crap. Jason
May 6, 2008, 08:45 PM
Well... Unless she's a cold stone b&*%$ putting the stuff in there about your father confuses the message. Not saying she shouldn't know, but you can't do that and then put in the ultimatum "dont call me unless you want to work it out"...
I did absolute NC with my ex, first huge love lost, but if shed called and said her father was dying id be right there... Out of respect for him and much as her.
So... You muddled it up some. Even if she comes back how do you not know it isn't sympathy moving her?
So... You all but asked her to stab you in the back by telling her about your father. I'm sorry about the situation, but you didn't give a clear message by adding in that info.
You are still trying to read too much into things.
I can't tell you any more than I have. Maybe someone else can help you figure this out... But I think I'm out of suggestions.
May 7, 2008, 02:37 AM
I put the info in the message about my father because I thought it would serve one of two purposes:1)the stupid, pointless messages will stop coming if she knows that and if she has any shred of human feelings or conscience she will leave me alone and 2)if she decides to communicate with me, she'll at least show some respect. The info about my father is true-before I wrote the message, I thought, "If I were sending her pointless text messages, what could she tell me to make me think twice before sending another one?" I don't think she cares one way or the other about my dad. My dad doesn't think much of her either, she was partly to blame for our falling out 4 years ago-in fact, my whole family pretty much despises her for the way she has treated me. If I were sick and dying in the hospital, she could care less about me. I've come to the conclusion that she wouldn't even be at my visitation, let alone the funeral. The only thing she cares about is herself and what suits her for the moment. She acts on emotion and impulse, never rationally or logically. She'll only have something to do with somebody when she wants something. I've put up with this crap thus far because I thought there were some redeeming qualities beneath all of this, but it appears I am wrong. She's a far cry from what I fell in love with 10 years ago. Nevertheless, I don't expect her to come back even out of sympathy for me-I didn't even expect her to respond to begin with. It looked like we had the beginnings of a conversation going and I asked her if she wanted to work things out. Since then, it has been 5 days going on 6. Like I've said before, I'm at the point where I've said "to hell with it". I'll only respond to her if she, like you said, does a complete 180. Other than that, any communications I get from her from here on out is just noise. If I never hear anything again, the sky is not falling. If this is it for me and her, life goes on. Jason
May 7, 2008, 03:58 PM
Ex or not I find it rude to send a girl who is involved with another man a ring trying to get her back. Respect the relationship she has. If you want to wait for her if things bomb with new guy that is your choice. As far as her texting you--she is just trying to keep you at arm's length in case new guy fails. Move on.
May 7, 2008, 08:57 PM
I do respect the relationship she has(if there is one). This has not been confirmed by her other than her telling me awhile back that she liked somebody but was not happy(with the guy or her present situation I took it). She has not left me alone and has sent me text messages here and there, although I couldn't make heads or tails of what her intentions were. I sent the gift thinking maybe it would show her that I was still interested and that I was sorry for not devoting more time and attention to her. Hopefully, she would see that and we would start talking again. If I was 100% sure that she was involved with somebody, I would not have sent it. If she was with somebody, she could have told me point blank about it. I'm not going to be devastated or shattered by the news-she'll just lose me. I think she's afraid to tell me because the news would make it easier for me to move on. I told her awhile back that if she ever got involved with somebody else again, she can expect to lose me-friendship and all. If I somehow offended her new boyfriend by sending the gift, that's not my problem. He shouldn't be mad at me, but rather her. She should have communicated with me more clearly instead of merely telling me that she "liked" somebody. Furthermore, she should have ceased with the BS text messages. When we have been broken up before, we stayed in strict NC. I let her be, and she let me be. Jason
May 7, 2008, 11:35 PM
She texted me AGAIN today-same bullcrap. Either she does not have any respect for what I said and derives a cheap laugh from the whole thing or there is trouble in paradise. The message read, "Who let the jason bares out ruff ruff" After sending her that message telling her to not contact me again until she wants to work things out and mentioning what was going on with my dad, here she is again. Maybe she's dyslexic and failed to comprehend my last message-who knows? She evidently wants attention, but she's not getting it this time. It's sort of funny in a way-I thought I'd put an end to the stupid messages but yet she persists. It's like a mosquito buzzing around your face. You swat at it, you use insect repellant, but it continues to annoy the crap out of you. Jason
May 8, 2008, 08:23 AM
I will tic some folks off here but here goes. You both enjoy the drama. She chases you via text and you don't know what she wants. You text her saying don't contact me unless you want me. She texts you and you don't know what she wants. So either call her, ask her what is up and make a date or keep up the texting. My guess is you don't care if it was rude or not to send the ring; you were just looking for someone to validate your actions. I would dare to guess that even if you two do get back together that in 6 m to a yr the same break up/I don't get her BS will be happening again. I don't think she is the problem, I think it is the maturity level of the both of you.
May 8, 2008, 06:43 PM
I'm not ticked off by your post, at least you don't pull any punches. As far as that ring goes, what has been done has been done. I sent it back in March, and when she took a month to thank me, via several text messages and from what others have said on here, I knew she was more than likely involved with somebody else. As I said, her sending text messages only gave me the mixed message that she had not completely moved on and things were still in limbo. This led me to believe that I could salvage the relationship with her if we could just start talking again. We have broken up before, but this time is out of the norm. I'm still hearing from her, whereas in the past it was strict NC. I have been trying to stay NC with her but yet she persists with the messages. Since I sent the gift, I have respected her and left her alone. She, on the other hand, has not left me alone in sending jibberish text messages. Calling her is out of the question-these messages I'm getting from her is not a riddle-she's either in or she's out. So far, I can determine neither so it's not worth my time to call her, especially if she's with somebody else. I'm not sending another text message to her either if she continues to send me nothing but crap. Neither of us is blameless in this-I should have been more attentive and devoted to her instead of taking her for granted and using work as an excuse for not taking her out more. I'll surely not make the same mistake in my next relationship. Anyways, take care. Jason
May 8, 2008, 06:48 PM
So lets move on here...
What, in your mind, failed... You just stated that it was your fault... You neglected her with work as an excuse?
Time to deal with what went right and wrong. What's your take?
May 8, 2008, 09:05 PM
I think I was at fault for not calling her more and not taking her out more during the time I had when I was off from work. I work at night, so you can imagine that I am tired during the day. As far as calling her goes, she told me how she wished that I would do that more often. She works(as far as I know) during the day so she was only able to see me twice a week. She also told me how she wished that I would visit her at work. But, it's too late now. She, on other hand, should have been more informative when she just decided to ditch the relationship. I mean, when couples split up, they usually have that "we need to talk" conversation followed by a split, and then returning each other's stuff(if any). If I left her, I would at least have the decency to tell her things are not working and give her closure. She just decided back in September to stop calling and visiting. It was then that she may have started seeing someone else. We started talking again after Thanksgiving but I was suspicious of her actions and went NC again. I was even more suspicious when she tried giving me my Christmas present like 3 weeks after the fact. I took back her presents when I went NC also and she later said that was rude of me. I think she either went back to the other guy or started seeing somebody new when I didn't do anything for her for Valentine's Day. So this is where my original post picks up about the gift that I sent in March. Since then, it has been nothing but crappy texts, going NC, getting another crappy text when I think I am over her, etc. And she still persists. I feel just like that song by Phil Collins called "I Don't Care Anymore". I have tried apologizing and I've tried to be clear with her as to what I want, but to no avail. I think the frustration is making it easier to move on. There comes a point when you can't do anymore and you just have to leave it up to God. If she's the one, things will have a way of working out. If not, then there's somebody else. Take Care, Jason
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