I need some help on a very difficult situation. My boyfriend is addicted to drugs. Right now it is crystal meth, before it was cocaine, crack, etc. i don't know what to do! we have been together for over 5 years and it hurts to see him like this, especially when i know how good of a man he is! (i know that addiction is blind).
I found his pipe not to long ago and confronted him, and it seemed to stop for a bit until the other day when i began to notice sores on his face again. I use to be able to tell when he was high or not but now it just seems to be the same person regardless. Also, i use to care and i let it bother me and i would be on his about it all the time but now i feel like there is nothing left for me to give anymore. It doesn't only affect him it does me as well. His whole demeanor changes and he is no longer the person that i feel in love with.
I know he needs help... but he never seems to think so! he says that he controls it not the other way! It is even worse now because we're both beginning to lose friends because of it and they're the sober ones and not the ppl who want drugs or something from him.
I have thought many of times to just leave him and get on with my life, but i truly love him and i don't want to abandon him like everyone else seems to do, but i fear he will need to hit rock bottom to recover!!! i love him!!!!
please any advice:(

Leave him it may be the catylst to get clean. He may love you, but in his addiction he doesn't even love himself so how can he love you. Tell him you are leaving him until he gets himself clean. Don't let him tell you it is not a problem. It is. Obviously it bothers you. You might even realize during your seperation that you are really better off without him. I went through this with my ex-husband. I realized that I could support myself and my son better than him,and his habit as well. They lie and steal to get their next high and can not be trusted. my ex and I divorced 10 years ago and he has had no contact with my son in 10 yrs. I heard from him recently he is now "clean" 4-5 months, but he is not excepting responsibility yet for his actions. Cut your losses.

Thank you for your advice and I know it is what i need to do i just worry too much about him and how he will be. I have tried a couple of times, most recently i moved out but he moved in shortly after. He has lied too many times to count and stolen from me on more than several occasions. I have gone into debt and presumed responsibility for all the bills and everything else. We had our home broken into and my very expensive television stolen by ppl that he knows because of the drugs. I no longer feel safe in my own place. I know i enable him to do this because i take care of him, but it is so hard to just leave. If you had any advice on how you left( i know that might sound stupid) but i just don't know HOW to leave him.

You need to leave him for your baby's sake. Trust me, in the end you will much rather be a single mother than raise a child around someone like that.

I disagree with everyone. I think you should show him you love him and you want to help him. Just leaving him will only make things worse and he will probably end up dead. Its not his fault, the drug takes over your mind and controls you. People who have never tried the drug just dont understand. (and shouldnt give advice) When everyone leaves you behind it just makes things worse. When i was getting clean of the drug I only had one friend stay with me . and I know that I wouldnt be here if he didnt help me get back on my feet.
Hope you guys got everything worked out.

I disagree and he will probably feel so horrible he may just end up doing that .. Unless you have been there you would never understand. Lots of people just try it because they are curious and they think they have more control but nobody has more control then meth. Try reading some of the stories on my post and you will see. People start drugs for lots of reasons and everyone is different and has a their own story , so its unfortunate that you have that opinion. Do you always give up on everyone that easily? Thats one reason why people end up doing even more drugs , when they lose their "friends" when nobody is around to help them out of a situation it just gets worse.
If you think these people are happy , I can assure you they are not and they are suffering. Pointing fingers and judging somebody on an issue you seem to know nothing about doesnt help anything at all. You should want the person to get better , not worse no matter what their situation is ..

I am not so sure that leaving him is the answer, although he has put you in a difficult position with creating a dangerous situation for you and your child. You have to think safety first, and the unpredictable nature of your husband and his friends, it may be the best thing to do temporarily.

While I agree that he needs to be ready able and willing to get help to turn his life around, it is not an impossible task. What bothers me is that we, as a society, are so quick to judge others and dump people cold when they have addictions. If it were somebody refusing their insulin, or heart medication, or a depressed person unable to get out of bed in the morning, would we be so quick to judge, and advise people to just leave?

While I realize, as I've said, and others have too, that you will have to seriously consider finding a safe place for yourself and your child, there are things you can do to maintain a lifeline to your boyfriend, if you choose that route, and I hope you do.

The first thing I would do is seek out counselling for yourself from a qualified addiction counsellor. Learn how to deal with your partner, set limits, boundaries, expectations, etc. Find a way to separate yourself from the addictive lifestyle you have found yourself in, and work out ways to create the life you want, with him, without drugs. It just isn't enough saying he has to be off drugs to reconcile. There has to be a change in the lifestyle, expectations, and goals of the relationship. Think of it as building a foundation.

But you have to start at square one. While he is using there is little you can do except help yourself. Let him know that you love him, and that you are seeking help in getting a healthy lifestyle back on track for yourself and your baby. Don't push, don't nag, but certainly don't give up without a fight!

When he sees changes in you, he will begin to at least think about making changes for himself. As time goes on, and he continues to lose, he may very well decide, on his own, that he needs to do what he has to do to get off the addiction path, and take steps back to a drug free life.

No two people with addictions are the same. He may quit on his own, and relapse, or he could get himself into drug treatment and falter and relapse again. There is no predicting the outcome once he decides to change. It isn't just a matter of cold turkey or hitting rock bottom, then magically, all the problems are solved.

Then you can move beyond just loving him, and help him when he gets himself into treatment or meetings. Go with him. Support him and encourage him all you can. Be prepared and informed on how to deal with setbacks.

But the important thing is to deal with him from a position of safety, and a position of knowledge, and a position of independance from his addiction.

Think of this as a beginning rather than the end.

You might also try going to al-anon or nar-anon. Here is a URL for meth addicts anonymous, word to "family and friends":

For Friends and Families (http://www.crystalmeth.org/public-info/friends-and-families.html)

With a drug addict, if that is for sure what he is, he will not stop until he gets down as far down his bottom is. Some are higher than others with their bottom. And if he is not a drug addict, he will be able to quit if you put a ultimatum in front of him. You can choose that, I'm not going to tell you to leave him. And if he cant quit then, he is probably a drug addict. Try to organize a intervention, or you could start going to alanon meetings. And also their is AA out there where someone would gladly with the same affliction is him come over and talk to him about his problem. Its a lot different coming from some one like him than someone that has not used drugs the way he has. And i wish you the best of luck. I've been on the opposite side and know what worked to straiten me out.