Ive been dating my girlfriend for around 10 months.
We started arguing around the 9th month, she hated it and wuld cry. We both tried to stop, but argument was inevetable.
She brokeup with me on the first day of December.

I was heartbroke, ad i called her for the first week... i realised that was wrong, because it would jus push her farther from me.

I left it to no contact over the next 3 weeks.. except for her occasional texts..

about 3 weeks after the breakup, i rebounded with another girl. She gave me hickies, and i cae into school with them. This made my ex jealous and she alled me asking why they were there. I didnt understand why she would be so concerned if she's the one that broke up with me..

2 weeks ago, she called me claiming she missed me.. i told her i missed her to.. (in my head i was like ? shes outta my system, why's she coming back)? I also mentioned another girl that i liked.. didnt seem to bother her too much (she thaught i liked her for a while- even when we were dating)


Yesterday, she called- claimed she missed me like usual.. i sayd i missed her to. She didnt want me to leave (it was like aroudn 12 goin to 1 am.) She was asking me how iw as and how my night was. She claimed to have a little crush on me (secretly i really like her.)
i admit to liking her a little bit- this set everything downhill. I asked her on a date (she sawa movie preview months back and watnd to see it)- she sayd she saw the movie 2 times allready--- so i let her to decide when to have the date..


SHE ALSO MENTIONED:: (after i told her i liked her nd missed her)
she see's me as a friend, nad that she doesnt want a boyfriend,.. she misses having one, and misses me. Her affection COMPLETELY turned after i admit to liking her... she sayd that she likes me... "but its not hte same as u like the other girl" (she likes me but doesnt have that burning desire._

MY MISTAKE WAS:
i sayd, how can you say that... we havnt even gone out- your saying that without experianceing anything. that gave her the impression that i was desperate for her.
i felt stupid, so i tried to cover up, sayin i feel the same way as friends.. YET i think another chance wuld be fine..
while on the other hand, she was adament about no relationship (with me or anybody else).


I dont know what caused her sudden change of heart? I Dont know how she feels.... she seems confused (shes busy with school, and after school stuff) i dont even know if i should contact her today..?

how can she miss me, call me, and send me mixed messages- YET STILL doesnt wanna give it ANOTHER SHOT? i need to know this (her claimed "unanswerable") underlying cause for this confusiion...



Thanks so much for ur help : )..... feel free to ask my ny questions,,

heres a song i wrote and recorded.. it might give soe insite too
SoundClick artist: Njz ilLesT - Rap, underground hip hop, (http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=655236&content=songinfo&songID=6041958)

tbh, i jus really miss my baby- i jus dnt knwo what she wants.
When i say i love her, she doesnt want a boyfriend
when i dont talk to her, she wants to talk
i think me havin that little incident with the other girl (the hickies) hurt us...
or shes jus not interested due to the fact, i told her i liked another girl too

Well, it does sound like she has moved on to me. She probably still cares for you and cherishes the time that you spent for all the good memories. That is probably why she still wants to talk and misses you. She is sad that the relationship ended, but she only wants to be friends now. If you were fighting a lot, that probably had a lot to do with it. I'm think the hickies probably hurt you guys too. It showed her that you moved on, so she has.

I would just take some time. If you want to go out with this other girl, then go for it, since you ex has obviously moved on. It sounds like maybe you will have a shot as staying friends, and that is great. Good luck! I hope that all works out and you can stay friends. :)

I'd like to say, thank you so much for your quick and useful response, its greatly appreciated! I still have a few questions, i hope u can help me with..


How could you tell that she moved on? She still misses me and calls- part of what you sayd makes sense (she wants to be friends and cares about me), but could that also be that shes sending me mixed messages? or is it strictly care as a friend (and shes moved on)? How could i know that........?


i'd much rather go with my ex... she isvery special to me.
if we do talk, what should i mention, and wat shuldnt i mention..
if she's moved on, is there anything i should to to get her back?
ie: dont call or talk unless she initiates it? reminsce on good ol'

Well, it's hard to know for sure about stuff like that. Maybe she still misses the conversation and friendship part, but maybe she was mad about the hickies and you telling her that you liked someone else. If she is sending mixed signals, then maybe the best thing would be to tell her what you just told me.

Like, if you want to go on a date with this new girl, sit down with your ex and have a talk about it. Tell her that you are confused because she is sending mixed signals. Tell her you want to know for sure if she wants the relationship to be over. IF she says yes, then tell her that you are making a date with someone else and you wanted her to hear it from you before she heard if through the gossip chain. Ask her is that ok with her.

Even if she still doesn't want to get back together, she will appreciate that you are being honest with her about the date. If you really want to get back together, tell her that you know that you guys had problems in the past, but you would truly like to give it another chance. Tell her that the hickies were just an "on the rebound" thing and that you only care about her. If she has moved on, then there really isn't too much you can do, I know that sucks. Just call and ask her if there is a time you guys can get together and have a talk, just go grab dinner together or something. Tell her that you just want to clear the air and that you have some unresolved issues about the breakup. Tell her that you would feel better if she met to talk to you and that you miss her friendship.

If you really aren't ready for another relationship, don't feel bad if you cancel the date with the other girl. If you want to cancel it, just tell her that you do like her a lot, but that you just got out of a relationship and it's too soon for you. I would call the ex and ask her to meet once, if she won't , then talk about it on the phone, but if she won't talk about it, don't keep asking. If she needs space, just let her have it. But, if she is still calling, then she obviously wants to have something with you, even if it's just friendship.

Hope this helps!

it does help so much...!
you have no idea, this has been hurting, and botherin me for so long... thanks soo much :)

I would like to know how old you both are and what you argued about.

Was it finances, sex, jealousy, differences in plans for the future?

If you could elaborate of this a little more, I might be able to 'see the bigger picture' and help. All I could read between the lines is that both of you still have a bit of growing up to do before having any serious relationships.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

hey, sorry im back,

well we both are 17, we were arguing over stupid stuff... basically anything (who goes over whos house.. u dont call me etc)... i think we were gettin tired of eachother... because we were allways together; and when we were seperated, we would fight.. everything would be fine when we would meet in person; but then a few days later a fight over NOTHING would erupt..

She also would come to my house and cry, saying she didnt want to fight with me and that she loved me... she says that the "feelings just faded" and that we both werent happy ( i can agree)

But unlike her, i take this breakup- more as a break. We still are friends, and talk on occassion (this is after a month a half of the break up)- we both are occupied with the SATs comming soon, and midterms. ive gone my way... just keepin intouch with friends and seein some that i wasnt abel to pay attention to before..

my ex doesnt have as many friends as i do- so she seems to miss me the most when shes alone. (she has her twin, and her bestfriend)
we talk on the phone as friends.. she does call me once in a while, (mostly on fridays when she misses me the most)- i feel i have moved on, but she wants me to be with her (but not as a boyfriend.) I feel as if she wats me to be avalable for her, but not be dating her..

thanks for taking the interest, i was out for a week..
hope this helped:)

please feel free to ask anythin else!!! :)

Her message is very clear, she likes you better as a friend, and enjoys being able to pick, and chose when to give you time. Your youth and inexperience, is what is giving you the mixed signals. Keep it friendly, and know thats as far as it will go, and enjoy yourself, without her being your steady g/f.

I'm going to have to disagree with some of the other posters. I think she is definitely sending you some mixed signals. Someone who wants to be just your friend doesn't tell you she has a "little crush" on you and doesn't constantly tell you she misses you. Ask any guy and they'll tell you that none of their lady friends call them on a consistent basis telling them they miss them, that's something a girlfriend does.

In all honesty it's hard to say what her motivation is (or any girl's for that matter). She might be confused or she might just want to keep tabs on you. In my opinion she likes the idea that someone out there has feelings for her and she wants to continue that by keeping your attention. This doesn't necessarily mean she wants a relationship but definitely wants you around for her satisfaction.

If I were you I would cut down contact with this girl. Don't respond to her messages so quickly and stop making her a priority. Stay busy and if you are emotionally ready go ahead and date other girls (no rebounds!). I can almost guarantee that once you do this she will try harder to get a hold of you. If she doesn't then fine by now you will have moved on and will be able to have a friendship without all the confusion.

Thats a good way of putting things..'she likes being able to pick and chose when to give you time'...puts things in perspective i think - also sounds familar. I remember this phrase lol.