I regret that I didn't find this site few weeks/ month earlier, it would have been much easier to make my decision, that finally I did anyway. I can relate to so many other stories about going out with a married man and, I completely understand their situation.
I had a long distance relationship for a year with one of my longtime love. We found each other truth internet and quickly fall in love again. Like in other stories that I just read, he said he was very unhappy, he never rally loved his wife but right now he can not do much because his children are still very small. We had a plan that in 2 years I finish here the University and until then he will be single again and I will move back to our country and we will be together. Even though the ocean separeted us, the raltionship went well, we met in July when I returned for few weeks to my country and I had my ''promise ring'' too that he really serious about me. We agreed that until December he will talk to his wife and will file for divorce. So I come back and the second half of our relationship was not very fun. We could not communicate much, he was always crying that he is not sure if he can leave his children but at the same time he did not wanted to end our relationship neither. Each time, I sent him away, he came back, that from his part it's still finished and he will do it, just I have to leave him to do it in his own way and rhythm. I left him, just sometimes reminding him for the first of December our date limit. During this 4 month, I went trough hell, the incertidude was killing me. One day he wants to leave the other not. I lost my good humor, I could no longer focus for my studies and I fall in depression. I cried a lot he plyed with my emotion. Anyway, I convenced myself to wait until 1er December because that was the deal. One week before our date limit he tells me that he does't want to destroy the ambiance of his family just before chrismas and he needs and extra month to talk to his wife. He said that during the holidays he will be home a lot and he is sure that the subject will come up and he will find the perfect situation. I said NO! Before christmas doesn't want to talk but during he will? He had a hole year to do that and he still needs time? I told him in advance if he doesn't talk to his wife I will, because he is lying for both of us and it's enough. I think he did not take me serously but he told me that if I will do that I will loose him right away. I did it and I lost him right away, thanks god! It was hard to do because I believed in us and I wsa hoping. I'm not proud myself for that but I'm so happy that I was able to quitte this relationship because if it's on him, it would have still continued for years he was comfortable in it. In our last conversation, he even frightened me with his lawyer if I try to do something else, he turned against me. I could only say to him: Listen, for a hole year you are talking about divorcing, here is the opportunity why don't you live with that? You always said you want to divorce because of yourself not because an other women so do it!
There was a big silent he could not anwer nothing. I'm so happy to got to know him, I learned so much and I was sooo naiv! I lost just a year of my life but I could have lost easily 2-3 more if I don't have a hard head and I do not respect our agreement on dec.31.2007
Unfortunately, sometimes I still tend to think, that he was serious about me, why else he wanted to keep me?
For sure not because of the sex, because we could not even see each other therefore our relationship was not based on sex... What did he want from me? Maybe he really just needed more time? Or a soulmate, or somebody who breaks his routine and his boredom?

Good evening to you...
At first I wasn't going to respond to your question/post. Then I hesitated, read it again and thought... somebody needs to.

I'm not going to preach, or lecture, or put you down in anyway for dating a mariied man. I am no better or worse than you. We all make bad decisions in out lives and this was one in which the decision you made affected and hurt you, your lover and his family. That's sad and that alone can't be undone.

However, my concern is your thoughts regarding telling his wife and sounding as if you not only have no remorse but that you think it was your right to do that. That you served some higher power by helping this woman know the truth. You told his wife because you were bitter and angry at HIM. But you hurt her and his family by your actions. So why do you sound surprised that he wouldn't trust you going forward? Lastly, on this part of your post, you didn't leave him it sounded like your actions by telling his wife caused the fall-out of the relationship. That isn't bravery, that is a cowards way out of the pain and suffering you were enduring. However, there is never a reason to cross a line like you did. It has to be his job to tell his wife if that's what he's going to do. It's not up to you to decide when or how. If it's been too long and you don't like the results, than as a bright, brave young woman you pick up the pieces of your broken heart and you walk away.

Men have all sorts of reasons for cheating, as do women. I think in this case, the ocean that kept you away was an indication that you were filling an emotional high for him. Building up his ego. Men need to know they are important, loved sexy, needed and so on. Chances are he was missing some of that from his spouse. You filled that void he was missing. I don't think most men set out to have affairs and break hearts. However, think about the numbers it's like 1-3% actually leave their wives and marry the mistress. Those numbers are not in your favor.

When you wer angry and crossed that line by calling his wife I think you did more than break the relationship apart, you took a piece of your soul - which I have to believe is good and gave it away. You forgot that it's not a soul for a soul. Your unhappiness and brokenheart did not go away by making that call. I'll bet, it even made you feel bad for a moment, once the anger subsided.

Heal your soul and your heart and remember you cannot rely on others promises or love to make you happy. You have to follow your gut because it will not lead you astray. No matter how hard it was or gets at the end of each night, as you lay there, with each tear gently sliding down your face, you still have you. Find that strong girl inside of you and wash away the bitter, mean, get even part out, and start over. Just now you will be a little wiser.

You deserve more, he deserves a swift kick-in-the-butt and his family deserves peace, wherever that is to be found. So this holiday, as painful as it's going to be, with that broken promise lingering close behind, look toward the future of a new year. A new year full of promise and hope and even, just maybe love.

Good luck to you...

The largest majority of married men who cheat will never leave their families, they are merely looking for outside sex and will say and lie to the other women what they think they want to hear.

And normally if and when they even do break with their spouse, they seldom go to and stay with the other women.

You are worth so much more than a sorry 2nd place in someone's life.

I honestly have no sympathy for your misery, but I'm glad you made his life miserble also, so well done.

"Men need to know they are important, loved sexy, needed and so on. Chances are he was missing some of that from his spouse. You filled that void he was missing". Very good insight, life1973happened. Please take a look at this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/am-doomed-166395.html

I am curious about your opinion; thanks.

Thank you George_1950...

You broke the first rule... you got emotional. He treated you good, there is something in his marriage that he is not getting, and you have supplied it! Break from him, learn your lesson, you have tasted the forbidden fruit. Now get on with your life!
Perhaps you like dating married men, but be damn careful about your emotions. And practise safe sex (read: condom).