Should I tell him? I think he knows because he asks questions that lead me to believe he suspects something. We weren't married yet. My ex and I had sex while I was engaged to my current husband. I had not had sex with my fiancé yet, but then I had sex with my fiancé about a week later because I thought I owed it my fiancé for having sex with my ex in secret.

So you were cheating on your fiancée with your ex.

Then you decided that you owed the possibility of a STD to your fiancé, so you had sex with him? Shouldn't you be having sex with your fiancée because you love him and want to share a deep emotional connection with him?

It sounds like you need to be honest with yourself and your fiancée. I would not be surprised if he decided to leave you.

My other question is, why did you have sex with your ex?

How long have you been married? How long before your wedding did all of this take place?

Your husband deserves to hear the truth from you. Hopefully, your ex-husband(?) hasn't said anything to him. Keep in mind that for your husband it will be like it happened today instead of before the wedding.

You both should be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. You can't know everyone your ex has had sex with since you and he split up.

You should probably schedule marriage counseling sessions on the chance that he is willing to work on your marriage and the trust that has been destroyed. Don't be surprised if he walks out or sleeps in another room. It is going to take a lot of hard work on both of your parts to keep this marriage viable.

Are you ready to do the work involved on your part and accept the blame for doing something so damaging to the relationship? You can't put the blame on anyone or anything else. You made the decisions not your ex, alcohol, being weak, or any other excuse you can think of so don't lie to him or yourself.

If you think it is preferable to keep your silence, then I think you need to do a search for spouses who found out years/decades later that their mate cheated on them before the wedding. For them, the hurt was as though it just happened and it caused them to question if the entire marriage was a sham. Some of them even have children involved in the resulting mess.

Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

Okay. I have a little bit different slant on this here.

First a question: Is this going to be a one time thing. If your are going to be stopping at your Ex's frequently than tell him. You owe it to him, you are bringing an unknown into the relationship that could be VERY VERY dangerous.

Second a statement: Get thee to a doctor. Get a full STD panel done. Make sure you didn't catch anything. Hopefully you used protection and aren't pregnant. Make sure you're clean. If you're not than all bets are off.

Also stop contact with your EX. Completely. If you were weak enough to give in once, a second time is easier; especially if you think you've gotten away from it. Make sure your EX understands that he will get no more Sex.

Third Advice: If that was a one time event, what were the circumstances? Were you under the influence of mind altering drugs? Drugs being alcohol, pot, or what not. Why did you cheat? Is the situation going to be coming up again?

If it truly was a one time thing, and you're clean, I would suggest keeping your mouth shut. Especially if this guy is 'the one'. Only if this will NEVER happen again. This will keep your current marriage stable and happy. I don't think this is the best option, but it is a option.

I personally don't condone cheating. I don't think you're a horrible person, but it shows a weakness that could doom your current relationship. The best thing for you to do is come clean with it. Maybe the relationship will survive it, but not without damage.

It is a bit of a mess you've gotten yourself into.

If you ex had sex with you, knowing you were engaged to be married, that says a lot about his character too.

Both of you sound a little morally bankrupt to me.

And in the wings was a man who married you, not having a clue you slept with your ex, and then with him, in order to balance out the indescretion.

To not tell him, while he is suspicious, is to continue to lie, which is not a good start to a marriage. He knows something went on, you may as well fess up.

You are not an animal who could not have controlled yourself. You must have had a reason to risk sex with him. A one night stand. Cheap sex. No emotions.

And a completely in the dark fiancé (at the time) what you had done.

Did you cheat on your ex too?

I can't imagine a reason good enough to explain why you did what you did.

But, as he is aware something has happened, try to be as honest with him. Jumping in the sack with your ex has consequences, and you have to face them.