Hi Im not sure what to think about this so some advice or direction would be greatly appreciated. this is going to be quite long so please bare with me.

Basically I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years nearly and whenever we get into one of our "sexual sessions" on the lead up to having intercourse I do alot of things for her E.g. give her massages, caress her, finger her and perform oral sex on her but recently in the past few months i've started to notice she very rarely does anything for me not even caressing and once i've done my part we get straight to intercourse.

I've asked her if for some reason she doesnt like doing sexual things for me but she just says "I dont mind doing things for you" and tells me to drop it.
To me this seems unbelievable since even after she has told me that, if i ask for her to do anything to me she tells me "I dont want to do it right now, maybe later" and believe me that "later" never comes.
so unless i keep asking and asking and hold out on the sex she wont do it even then she usually just comes out with somthing like "i dont want to have sex anymore, you've spoilt the mood"
It is also a let down that i must ask for things like bl** **** or ha** ****. otherwise i'd never get either.

I feel quite frustrated about this somtimes and it makes me feel as though she doesnt want my body unless she is going to get pleasure from it. now im not sure if its just me but i really enjoy performing things for her as it gives me a sense of satisfaction that I am making her feel good.
Is this normal or is she being selfish? or even, am i being selfish expecting this of her?


what should I do any thoughts?

Tess23

This one's a toughie! The thing is that in order to have sex with a woman you have to turn her on first, coz if she isn't wet it's not gonna happen, or you'll land up hurting her. Another thing is that guys get turned on a lot quicker than girls, so if she does do certain things to you, you might not make it to intercourse...
Maybe suggest something like a 69er, that way you are both getting satisfaction at the same time. You could also try gently guiding her hand to where you want it to be while you are fingering her or caressing her. Why should it only be one of you doing all the work?!?! Bottom line is - Do this together, and don't keep score. Sometimes a gentle nudge in the right direction is all that is needed. Who wants to feel like they're being forced into something? Maybe she feels uncomfortable doing something that she's been asked to do? It might make her feel that it's all forced, which doesn't make it fun. An element of surprise might just be what she's trying to achieve. ; )

Hope this helps!

Alan90

I see where your coming from I have only 2 points to make from your comment though.

"Maybe suggest something like a 69er"
I suggested that to her about a year ago and she said she felt uncomfortable doing it.

"Maybe she feels uncomfortable doing something that she's been asked to do?"
I do try to avoid asking her and try to guide her into doing things I would like her to do as you suggested but she either ignores it and acts like she hasnt realised (how she cant realise i dont know, it starts to become blatently obvious after a little while) or tells me "thats all you ever want"

ive tried a few things but nothing seems to work and im quite confused about it.

smoothy

Thats just not cool. I've been married 17 years and I still never have to deal with that.

Quite honestly she's going to have to come out and admit whats bothering her because something is. Perhaps you can get her to couples counciling or if she refuses seriously consider finding a new girlfriend. I'd hate to go through life dealing with that. I actually had a girlfriend like that many years ago. Basicly a publically affectionate woman, but get her alone she turned into the ice queen. she was 30 and divorced so it wasn't inexperience or young age. I never did figure out what her problem was and honestly being I was 20 at the time I didn't care. I moved on. In hind sight I hope she got the help she needed.

plonak

It seems like she might be a little selfish, but she is conditioned to get what she wants..

You have given this all to her the whole three years without saying much about what you want... so it has become something that's she's (happily maybe) excepted.. She gets spoiled and pleasured and you don't.. that's the routine

There could also be an underlining reason why she's uncomfortable doing it to you.. you have to ask yourself tough questions.. maybe she's never done it before and she's afraid you wouldn't like it.. maybe she was sexually abused when she was younger and someone forced her to touch him down there..

I say when you are not in the sexual setting, take her aside and talk to her, take her to coffee or something and ask her to be honest.

Choux

She is not interested in participating in what you wish her to do sexually. The fact that you are not married makes the situation a little more complicated. Since you are in a three year relationship, you are both in a position to negotiate for what you want. That is what you are going to have to do or otherwise accept the situation. Have a discussion about your desires for oral sex, what can you do in exchange for her participation? Like take her to an event she wants to attend, for example...not something sexual.

Now, many women are not interested in participating in oral sex....that's one of the main reasons why prostitution is such a booming business! I don't think she is selfish....

Back to marriage...since you aren't married to her, you can look for a new girlfriend....

Alan90

thanks for your thoughts on all this. I'll take her out later and speak to her and see what she has to say.

talaniman

Relationships that are 2/3 years old, are a pretty good indication of what is to follow, when you get to the next level. You really do need to talk, and find out her feelings, before you precede futher. Its no shame not to be sexually compatable, nor can you make someone do what they are not comfortable with. Talk and find out. If you can't resolve your issues, then it will be difficult to resolve any issues.

svatnsdal

My opinion is that she does seem a little selfish, but there are two sides to every story.
You are a great man! My 'other half' always wants to make sure he's making me happy, and oh boy does he! That is something I am so grateful for, not many men are like that.
You should talk to her about it, explain how you are not happy. If you can not get her to open up, try seeking professional help for both of you.
The most important thing is, you need to talk to her. You need to explain to her how you feel. It is important how you feel, not just her.

Alan90

I guess your right just I really love her but it feels like she couldnt care less if she was having sex with me or another guy aslong as it makes her feel good. I Feel like I am just a body to her..