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Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, and the bedroom has become more of a battlefield. He makes it very apparent when he does and when he doesnt want to have sex. Its to the point to where im so fed up with this bull that im ready to walk. I mean really, this has got to stop. I have asked every question known to man as to why things have become like this, but the answer is always the same with him, " theres nothing wrong with you, and nothing wrong with me." is that? Can someone please tell me what in the world that is supposed to mean. I'll give you an example... The other day I woke him up with breakfast in bd, got his clothes together for the day, cooked him lunch, and dinner i might add, and in the evening i tried to engage in sex with him only to get told...uh, were not doing this today. OK so Im asking the question..whats wrong with today? only to get told....I just dont want to, maybe another day... Okay, this happens like every day...It becomes a fight which only leads to 3 or 4 more days of no contact what so ever. Followed by him trying to give advances towards me.. ????????????? Can someone please enlighhten me as to what is going on here?
Yes walk, there is something strange going on. It sound as if he has got some on the side. And when he can't get none there he is trying to get it from you.
Walk away fast. If you have this sort of problem now its certainly not going to get better. He wants to control you. I've been married 16 years, I dated heavily for many years before that. I never once tried that stunt. Or would even think of it.
think living with an inconsiderate lover is frustrating now? just wait. it isnt as bad as it could be. meaning, it WILL likely get WORSE long term.
sexual compatability is something people must address, both in new relationships and long term relationships. it is easy to drift apart unintentionally if you dont communicate and sometimes "force" yourself to keep a focus on your sexual health. even best case scenarios, where both people are dedicated and giving, can have rough spots.
you, im afraid, are in a completely different situation. you are with a person who is deliberately inconsiderate. ok... im ok with the "i cant right now, im tired" line now and then. it is better when both people are in synch... but he is pretty much telling you "too bad. i dont give a damn about your needs"
wow. wow. and wow.
a good self check now and then: would you have put up with how your partner is treating you now if they treated you that way early on? if your answer is no... that it would have been a huge red flag then... well, its still one now.
i have a friend who, after twenty years of marriage, seemingly happy, is now facing a potential divorce or separation. why? lack of intimacy. she has to decide whether she can settle on being a "roommate" with the person she devoted her life to. hes generally a good guy otherwise, great provider, nice, friendly... but hes grown completely lazy about intimacy (and this is just as much about affection as it is about anything sexual) and hes taken the "im sorry. tough luck" approach. hes happy to live with her. but wont make any effort to show affection.
i HATE to say this, but i really dont think you can expect more from your partner... as in, he'll probably never really be where you are. marriage, jobs, kids... they all draw time and energy away from intimacy, and if someone is lazy about it anyway, theyll have no short number of excuses to use to deny you satisfaction.
demand more for yourself. if you stay, you MUST accept that you may only be a roommate with this person, or at least your satisfaction will be on "his clock" (hope hes a FANTASTIC lover if thats all you get)
and if you do choose to stay you know what you are getting. you arent allowed to stay AND complain about it. he is who he is. you can take it or leave it. people can change, but only when they are compelled to. i have little faith hes interested in changing his perspective.
Yes walk, there is something strange going on. It sound as if he has got some on the side. And when he can't get none there he is trying to get it from you.
Could not have said this better myself - he is getting it from somewhere
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