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    Why has my boyfriend lost complete interest in sex?

    Asked Apr 23, 2012, 02:25 PM 8 Answers
    My boyfriend has no interest in sex anymore, I've asked him if he still finds me attractive and he agrees. I've asked him if its stress in work and he says no, he's never cheated on anyone but one has cheated on him. I've asked him if its due to his nan passing (recently) and he says no. He put it straight saying that he doesn't feel the need/urge to want to do it. I said that I feel there's no passion anymore, now its all he thinks about and he feels terrible, yet he doesn't do anything about it. And he goes on about it. Any ideas? I'm stumped! Its getting me down, feeling very insecure about my body.

    We have been together just over a year now and the past couple of months we've stopped having sex completely, even the kissing is getting less and less. We keep saying that we'll try again but he always brings it up and it puts me off then. Its taking a big toll on our relationship and I don't want it to end just because of that. What can I do to help?
    Last edited by talaniman; May 8, 2012 at 06:37 PM.
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    8 Answers
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 2,725, Reputation: 718
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #2

    Apr 24, 2012, 07:05 AM
    Has your body shape changed severely in the relationship? Ie, have you lost a LOT of weight? What is his diet/alcohol/drug consumption like? Have you suggested that he go to the doctor? That would be my first suggestion.

    It is hard to say what is going on here. How long have you two been together?
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    Dashdoll's Avatar
    Dashdoll Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    May 8, 2012, 12:24 PM
    Yes I have put on a little weight but I'm losing it now, he hates his body and is always wanting to starve himself. I did suggest the doctors but he refuses. We've been together just over a year. The kissing has completely stopped too and we can't get into bed without him bringing it up. I spend almost every night crying about it with him.
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    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 2,725, Reputation: 718
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #4

    May 8, 2012, 01:10 PM
    This is not at all good. Though you probably didn't need to hear me say that.

    So he is unhappy with his body and he is starving himself to fix that. Not the best or eve a good way to do it.

    When you're in bed what always gets brought up? His weight, the lack of intimacy?

    This honestly doesn't feel like a really healthy relationship. It really feels like he is introducing a toxic element that is causing huge emotional damage on both of you. That isn't the way a good functioning relationship works.

    Looking at it. He isn't seeking help and is content with the way things work and bringing it up every night. I would start separating yourself from him. I see present behaviour as signs of future behaviour and behaviour doesn't change easily. I am not sure there is a good solution where he deals with this issue.

    I am sorry. This is kind of a s**t deal.
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    Dashdoll's Avatar
    Dashdoll Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    May 8, 2012, 02:35 PM
    I know its not good. but I think because I'm so in love with him it's what's holding me on to him. I desperately want to make this work. Its mostly the lack of intimacy that gets brought up all the time.

    Apart from all that we still have a good laugh and cuddle but there's nothing more. Is there anything you can suggest I do to improve it?

    I'm desperate.
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    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 1,978, Reputation: 551
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    #6

    May 8, 2012, 03:57 PM
    Find out WHY there is no sexual drive from him. Something must be wrong, it is obviously not you, so maybe stress, shyness, there is something we are missing here, how about you ask him?
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    xxpolxx's Avatar
    xxpolxx Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    May 8, 2012, 06:16 PM
    Well we always say that sex is not everything in a relationship but the truth is it is a very big part of a relationship. It is mostly the main reason of being into a relationship. I don't know why have you guys stopped having sex as you haven't wrote it in detail but I think you should try to spice it up with your partner's help otherwise just split up. You also haven't mention your age. If you guys are old and your partner is less able to have sex than it's a different story. But I'd still say you should find someone else cause 2 months is a long time to stay without having sex. You guys should discuss about it.

    There is a possibility that he is having his sexual satisfaction from elsewhere (if he is able to have sex!)because from personal experience I know it men cant spend a week without having sex. Men are just made to have sex. You need a discussion. But yet I think you two better split up before 2 months NO SEX turns into 12 Months
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #8

    May 8, 2012, 06:46 PM


    Start with a doctor, and when he refuses get MAD, not INSECURE! Make him sleep on the couch, whatever it takes. You both have to seek the proper help and make sure he is healthy, and get FACTS from a professional.

    At least you will be doing something positive and proactive rather than crying and being frustrated.
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    WisperWill70's Avatar
    WisperWill70 Posts: 277, Reputation: 84
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    #9

    May 9, 2012, 11:49 PM
    Sex is the proverbial "canary in a coal mine" that hints of other fractures and issues in a relationship or can represent a call for help in some other area.

    There may be something more serious going on that your run of the mill loss of desire. Depression or illness (as well as certain medications) can sack one's sex drive and the loss of a relative can (whether he admits it or not) impact other underground emotions or issues he's having. He may be so lost in "hating his body" and in depression or anxiety that the last thing on his mind is getting close to ANYONE. Two people in a relationship often have the same issue and feelings underneath everything but express it in different ways; in this case BOTH of you have body issues and issues with your sexuality/self esteem but his seems to be extreme.

    While it's not talked about as much, anorexia and other eating disorders in men is getting more and more common. You having self love and confidence in your body no matter what shape you're in will go a long way in helping him feel better about his, believe it or not. It sounds like he needs to speak with a counselor to get to the bottom of these issues and you may need to help him remove his stigmas about getting help. He's got to go! In the meantime, being intimate in other ways without an agenda (kissing/sex/orgasm!) can bring you closer and discharge some of the tension and disappointment that has built up around this topic. Touching, hugging, massaging, - you name it. WITHOUT pressure, complaint or anxiety can really help someone with a physical or mental intimacy issue.

    Enjoy the drive, without a destination in mind
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