Hi people,
I need some help because I'm hurting inside and I am not sure what to do.

And I need someone really good to give me advice, because I've already analyzed my situation thoroughly and I just can't find a solution to my problem.

Specifically, I'm looking for women who may have experienced what my GF is experiencing.

I'm a 29 year old man, and GF is 26. We've been together 2.5 years, both find each other physically attractive, and are in an emotionally fulfilling relationship. We speak to each other everyday, share similar values in life, and are open and honest to each other. We are happy in our relationship. BUT she JUST DOES NOT WANT to have sex with me any more. She will oblige me every time I ask for it, because she knows it makes me happy, but she doesn't really want to do it.

Sex was great in the beginning, and she would initiate it at times. Overtime though, I noticed she started having orgasm less, and then it become harder and harder for her to have orgasm. In the first few months, we have intercourse and she orgasms. Then I needed to go down on her. Then I need to go down on her for a long time. Then finally, she can only orgasm with vibrator on the strongest setting on her ****. Nothing I could do can make her ***. This happened over the course of two years.

I ask her is there anything specific that she wants me to do or try during sex, and she has absolutely no requests. She says whatever I'm doing is fine.

We go out on dates, dinners, hikes, etc. I try to keep our lives fun and interesting.

I asked her if sex with me is not good, and she tells me no other ex-BF were able to give her orgasm, and at least in the beginning I was able to give that to her.

We don't argue much, except for this issue. I complain about how she does not want to have sex with me, and we have rational discussion in a calm manner, but sometimes that strains our relationship a bit. She even admits over time she finds that she wants to have sex with me less and less. But she can't seem to figure out why.

She use to be anxious, so she started taking Zoloft and now she's more confident and outgoing than before. I don't think she's depressed and therefore not wanting to have sex with me. Note, the decline in her lust for me started BEFORE she started the Zoloft, so the loss of libido is not caused by it.

She's been on the same birth control pill as before, when she used to be horny for me, so it's not the pills.


She's thinks she's above average attractive, and I compliment her all the time to make her feel sexy and confident about herself, which I hear is suppose to boost a woman's sex drive. I don't think she has too much body image issues.

I'm not out of shape, and I look pretty much the same as before. I haven't picked any new bad habits to turn her off.

Her work is going well and not stressing her out, so I don't think that's the cause.

I ask her to have sex mostly on the weekend, when we have ample time and are well rested.

I've met her parents, and she's met mine, we've talked about marriage several times, how many kids we want to have, and been shopping for engagement ring. So we are in a serious steady relationship.

But I'm not sure if I can live the rest of my life knowing that my potential wife does not really want to have sex with me, but will only oblige me and be not really into the sex.

BUT THE WORST THING is that recently she has a new coworker that she finds very attractive, and she has thoughts of wondering what sex could be like with him, sometimes several times a day. Before I thought she was just somehow grew to have less appetite for sex, but now with this new revelation I KNOW she is capable of lust. It really hurts me that she only lusts after someone else, but just NOT with me. She even feels bad for feeling that way, but she just can't lust after me.

I'm very confident she is NOT cheating on me. She loves me and she says I'm handsome and tall and still attractive. She says she does not want a new boyfriend or try to actually have sex with someone else. She has never cheated on me.

When I told her that "I'm not sure if I can live the rest of my life with you knowing that you don't have desire to have sex with me," she becomes very upset and says "you're not trying to break up with me are you?" and starts tearing up and says things like, “I don't want to lose you.” She genuinely wants to be with me.

But I just DON'T UNDERSTAND with everything else going so well, just why on earth does she not want to have sex with me? She says she's physically attracted to me, but she just doesn't want to have sex with me. That makes no sense. And I know she has sexual desires because she wants to have sex with her coworker.

When I ask her why isn't she interested in having sex with me more, she says she doesn't know for sure why that is, but has only think up a few possible, but not definite reasons.
1. She mentioned that maybe it's because I'm not new and exciting anymore.
2. Another reason she gave is because I want her to have orgasms very much, it puts pressure on her to orgasm, and therefore harder for her to actually achieve it. But I only want her to have orgasm so that she'd enjoy having sex with me, and I want it to be good for her too. I don't want sex just be a chore that she's doing for me.
3. She mentions she feels anxious when I look at her when we're having sex. And I will try to have sex with lights off from now on, but I'd really like to look at her because she's so hot, but she says it still makes her anxious.
4. She does mention what turns her on is having attractive men thinking that she's attractive. That works except when I do it, because she knows that I already thinks she's attractive.

My proposed solutions:

1. Take her out on more dates, outings, fun things, and break up routines in the day to day life.
2. Give her less pressure to orgasm
3. Turn off lights when we have sex

4. An idea I had was I encouraged her to watch porn. I thought maybe she just needed some fantasy to fulfill every human's inherent desire to be promiscuous. She said before meeting that coworker, she rarely if ever think about having sex with anyone but me. Maybe she grew bored of having sex with me because she only ever thought of having sex with me. I thought maybe if she watches some porn, she can at least in her mind simulate having sex with someone else, and at least that will stimulate her libido. I told her it would be okay with me if she thought about having sex with other men as long as it never happens in real life, and that she doesn't think about sex with men who are actually in her life (i.e. the coworker).

She knows that I watch porn every week, and she is okay with that. When I have sex with her though, I only think of her and I am totally into her. And I've never cheated on her.

The PROBLEM IS, I've already tried solutions 1, 2, and 3, and they haven't really worked that well. That's why I came up with idea 4. But at the end of the day, I still don't understand. Why doesn't my girlfriend want to have sex with me anymore?