My Fiance has lost sexual interest in me!

onetwothree · #1 Nov 25, 2007, 02:39 PM

I have been in a relationship with my Fiance for more than 2 years now. We live together and I am very much in love with him. I do not want anyone else. I think about my Fiance all the time. I love being around him and when we have sex it it incredible. We have always had a great sex life. 5 or 6 times a week. Several months ago he brought up to me bringing another female into our sex life only for fun and enjoyment. I was not up for this for a long time because I questioned him on why he wanted someone else and was I not making him happy or pleasing him the way he wanted to be pleased. I eventually gave in and we met another couple and swaped. For him he continually mentioned meeting them again and wanting to set up another meeting with them. We met them several times but everytime it hurt me very much because he would do things with her that he would not do with me. I brought these things to his attention and he said I was looking to far into the situation. I could not take it anymore and I told hime I did not want to see them anymore. He was fine with that (or at least that is what he told me). He suddenly went from having sex with me 5 to 6 times a week to once a week and twice if I am lucky. I have tried to start it several times, but everytime I do he says he is tired. I am sick of trying and being let down. He thinks that all I want him for is sex. But I feel that we come close together and show how we feel about each during sex. He never wants to cuddle with me anymore or anything? I am so confused and this is stressing me out so much! Am I being to demanding? Or is he losing interest me? Please help!!!!!!

Xrayman · Nov 25, 2007, 03:20 PM

I'd check to see if he's not with the other couple!! sounds like warning bells are going off to me. You might need to find another! I know he is your fiancee but he has (I suspect, lost interest in sex with you alone)-he needs the others to feel good.

To me the situo sounds not too good-Cheers, and best wishes.

Choux · Nov 25, 2007, 04:14 PM

According to recent studies of couples, people lose sexual interest in a partner after two years; that is, the excitement and newness of being together fades in two years.

My opinion is that you made a big mistake in allowing others into your sexual relationship. You probably felt you could control your boyfriend in this manner, but in reality, it was his license to cheat.

You are left with the option of making yourself more interesting to him, not always available to please him. New interests, new male friends but most importantly, an independent you.

Good Luck!

Homegirl 50 · Nov 25, 2007, 07:17 PM

He wants to do the swnging thing and you don't. You two are not on the same page and it is not going to get better. Lose him, unless you want to be part of that lifestyle.
He may also be getting it from some where else.

AbL6669 · Nov 25, 2007, 08:13 PM

He sounds like he wants it. If you feel uncomfortable about it I would revaluate my relationship with him and consider if leaving him is your best option. Relationships are hard but that is an extra unnecessary hinderance.

Synnen · Nov 25, 2007, 10:00 PM

Bringing another person (much less TWO!) into your sex life ends up being bad when partners don't trust each other and are not completely honest. You didn't trust him, and it sounds like he wasn't completely honest with you. Either way--it wasn't a sex problem, it was a communication and trust problem.

I suggest counseling, and make SURE to bring up the swinging, no matter HOW uncomfortable it makes you feel.

If he's not willing to do this, your relationship is probably doomed.

Ash123 · Nov 26, 2007, 08:20 AM

I agree and disagree with Synnen,

1) I disagree that you simply didn't trust him and he wasn't honest and that's that.
It's about him wanting something and getting it and suddenly realizing that he saw you differently sexually now. i hasve seen this many times...it's a risk i would not suggest.
for every 1 that it works for - there's a hundred it does not.

2) I do agree you need counseling. or get out now.

450donn · Nov 26, 2007, 12:24 PM

First mistake, living together without the benefit of marriage. Mistake number two, group sex. It is obvious that he is not mature enough to have a loving monogamous relationship, or he is addicted to sex, just not from you. As I see it you only choice is counselling or get out of the relationship and fast!

simoneaugie · Nov 27, 2007, 08:19 AM

Since when is marriage a benefit? Dump his ! Counselling is a last ditch effort in an already screwed up situation. There are so many men out there who like to have sex and can do it with the same person their entire life. Dump him and waste not another minute on the romantic notion of a government F_____ licence.

zepher · Jan 25, 2008, 03:12 PM

OneTwoThree, do you feel that he has cheated/cheating on you? With swapping with another couple, was that something that you enjoyed? Did you do anything during the swap that he was uncomfortable with? Have you been with anyone other than your fiance since you have been together or given him any reason at all to doubt you? If you have given him doubt in his mind, it could be possible that it has nothing to do with not having interest, but that he just feels that what he does is not good enough.



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