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Why do I hate myself after masturbating?

Asked May 14, 2012, 05:22 PM — 41 Answers
I'm 18 years old and I don't understand this. It's normal and natural for me to get urges to masturbate, but when I do, I don't enjoy it. It feels really good up to a certain point and then suddenly its like my hormones turn off and I get sooo mad at myself. I've tried looking for the answer, but all I find is religious reasons so let me make this clear: THIS ISN'T BECAUSE OF MY RELIGION, and I KNOW IT'S NORMAL, EVERYONE DOES IT, NOTHING TO FEEL ASHAMED ABOUT.

I'm not ashamed.. its like I'm grossed out. I step outside myself and am like "Wow what are you doing. This is disgusting. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself." Sometimes I even try to promise myself or God (thinking it'll maybe make me actually commit to the promise...) that as of said day, I will not do this anymore. It'll last for a while like 3 weeks, but sometimes no longer than maybe 2 days.

Again, I know its completely natural, healthy, God make us how we are.... Maybe that's everyone elses reason for thinking their "wrong" for doing it, but NOT mine!!! So why do I hate myself afterward and stop at a certain point?!?! I DONT UNDERSTAND THIS!!!!! Also...this has been happening for about 4 or 5 years now..I've tried to get further in masturbating to maybe knock the habit of hating myself out, but it didnt work.

I'm afraid that when I get further in my relationship with my boyfriend that I'm going to get the same hatred feeling or get scared away from him. So far its good but we haven't gone in the pants at all yet. Please help me?
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41 Answers
Alty's Avatar
Alty Posts: 22,555, Reputation: 26585
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#2

May 14, 2012, 05:31 PM
Quote:
THIS ISN'T BECAUSE OF MY RELIGION,
Quote:
Sometimes I even try to promise myself or God
Are you sure it's not because of your religion? What you wrote, it sounds like it's either a religious issue, or a mental issue. If it's religious, then there's not much you can do about unless you're willing to listen to reason. But I really don't want to get into a religious debate.

If it's mental, which is a possibility, then you need counseling to help yourself deal with this, and how it makes you feel.

Either way, there's very little anyone on this site can do to help.
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Fr_Chuck's Avatar
Fr_Chuck Posts: 72,587, Reputation: 37016
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#3

May 14, 2012, 05:33 PM
At some point in your life, you have been taught that it is wrong, and yes it is either religion or something that happened to you when you were young that you may not even remember.

I would say since it is effecting your life, you really want to get counseling to get past this. I am afraid it will effect other parts of your sexual life as you get older.
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sandamaine357's Avatar
sandamaine357 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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#4

May 14, 2012, 05:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alty View Post
Are you sure it's not because of your religion? What you wrote, it sounds like it's either a religious issue, or a mental issue. If it's religious, then there's not much you can do about unless you're willing to listen to reason. But I really don't want to get into a religious debate.

If it's mental, which is a possibility, then you need counseling to help yourself deal with this, and how it makes you feel.

Either way, there's very little anyone on this site can do to help.


Haha thank you for your answer. I realized that may contradict in some way, but I really know its not religious. i just try to promise God so maybe I would be strong enough to stop masturbating. doesnt work lol. I guess i do that because i dont believe i can stop alone? thanks though
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sandamaine357's Avatar
sandamaine357 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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#5

May 14, 2012, 05:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
At some point in your life, you have been taught that it is wrong, and yes it is either religion or something that happened to you when you were young that you may not even remember.

I would say since it is effecting your life, you really want to get counseling to get past this. I am afraid it will effect other parts of your sexual life as you get older.


Your answer made alot of sense to me because when i was younger around 7 or so i would get curious and looked up dirty things online sercretly.. made my barbie dolls do things, etc...very young age. I know i got caught once drawing some things in my diary that my parents found and opened.. i remember my aunt and mom telling me that showing myself isnt good (at my age) its an adult thing, that porn isnt nice or something.. something along the lines that what i watched online was like people being dirty and that pleasuring myself and sex and that stuff is supposed to be beautiful and for love and stuff. Its not like they told me it wasnt natural. I guess at such a young age i was just humilated. and for the record, it was NEVER brought up again. to this day. and im 18 now. never one thing said about it, like it was deleted in history. And then once I was in 9th grade and going through the TOUGHEST of times in my life with my dad leaving and mom leaving, coming back, losing my house, living with family, hating my uncle, and doing horrible in school...anxiety issues etc (i promise im not a nut case) in my depression days, i suppose due to stress, i started masturabting alot. and thats when i would step outside ymself and be like wtf are you doing haha.. ugh
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smoothy's Avatar
smoothy Posts: 15,496, Reputation: 10703
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#6

May 14, 2012, 05:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandamaine357 View Post
Haha thank you for your answer. I realized that may contradict in some way, but I really know its not religious. i just try to promise God so maybe I would be strong enough to stop masturbating. doesnt work lol. I guess i do that because i dont believe i can stop alone? thanks though
Why would you even need to do that if its NOT religious in nature.
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sandamaine357's Avatar
sandamaine357 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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#7

May 14, 2012, 05:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
Why would you even need to do that if its NOT religious in nature.



Alright listen people, what i meant was that I dont get mad at myself because i think god will hate me or im doing something wrong by pleasuring myself.... THATS what i meant by its not a religious reason.

Me asking God to help me keep my promise or promising to God that im not going to do it anymore, is just my way of trying to keep it. I dont do things for myself, its easier if i promise someone something so i dont let them down.

again, i dont think im letting god down like evryone else does because I know that its natural and nothings wrong with exploring.

make sense now?
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smoothy's Avatar
smoothy Posts: 15,496, Reputation: 10703
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#8

May 14, 2012, 06:08 PM
Not really..(just speaking for myself)...I don't make random promises to GOD....I save the important stuff for that.
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sandamaine357's Avatar
sandamaine357 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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#9

May 14, 2012, 06:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
Not really..(just speaking for myself)...I don't make random promises to GOD....I save the important stuff for that.
I pray for important things too. I just ask for strength to help me because its important to me that i get over it because i dont want it to turn into something that bothers me my whole life.. is that okay? yeah i think it is.
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Alty's Avatar
Alty Posts: 22,555, Reputation: 26585
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#10

May 14, 2012, 06:15 PM
Quote:
i just try to promise God so maybe I would be strong enough to stop masturbating. doesnt work lol.
I'm going to reiterate what Smoothy said. If it's not religious, then why do you have to promise God so that you'll be strong enough to stop? If God doesn't enter into this, then why do you have to stop, and why are you promising him that you will?

We're not trying to be mean. You seem to think we are;

Quote:
Alright listen people, what i meant was that I dont get mad at myself because i think god will hate me or im doing something wrong by pleasuring myself.... THATS what i meant by its not a religious reason.
But it is a contradiction. If it's not religious, then there's no reason to promise God that you'll stop. Do you see what point we're trying to make?

The way I see it, this is religious, you just don't want it to be. You want to be okay with it, because there's nothing wrong with it, and you're right about that. But everything you're saying makes it very clear that this is a religious issue. I can't help you with that, as I'm not religious. I have nothing holding me back from masturbating.

I'd like to ask, and if you don't feel comfortable answering I'll let it go, but, what religion do you practice?
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