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dulla_girl · Feb 23, 2007, 09:48 PM

Hi all I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 months and we have tried a few times to have sex but he gets tired out before he cums, he doesn't even from blow jobs and it takes hours of jerking off for him to be able to . Is this a normal thing or could it be I don't do anything for him. Iam the first girl he has ever slept with and it upsets me because I feel I can't satisfy him in anyway but I love him and want to be able to. Can anyone help me or give me ideas on what we or I can do?? :confused:

kp2171 · Feb 23, 2007, 10:13 PM

not really normal. At least in the absence of predisposing health conditions. Some meds can hurt this. But a lot about sex is mental too. The fact that he can barely get himself off is not good news.

lots of things, like stress, exhaustion, being physically unfit, high blood pressure, depression, mental distraction, meds, etc can hinder ones ability to reach orgasm.

so first thing is first. I'm a guy, and I can't speak for all, but my opinion is most girls can get most guys off at least some of the time (probably most of the time), and most guys can probably get themselves off most of the time, and most guys can get some girls off some of the time but it isn't a sure thing much of the time. Got it? =P

does this mean you are doing something wrong, since you can't get him off at all? I don't think so. Not at all. Not if he's being honest about it.

does he spend a lot of time masturbating? Is he addicted to porn? Does he seem distracted during sex?

I don't know. I know you are frustrated, but really... really... even when I'm at my most tired, exhausted, depressed, sad self I have a great chance of hitting climax given a chance.

so no... I don't think its you.

he's not right physically, mentally, or both.

kp2171 · Feb 23, 2007, 10:16 PM

I forgot... you said you're his first. This might be part of an emotional issue. If he feels pressure to perform. And then some guys get hung up on not being your first... you didn't say he was yours, so I assume he's not.

Anyway, maybe its just a big mental block.

dulla_girl · Feb 24, 2007, 02:46 AM

Originally Posted by kp2171

i forgot... you said youre his first. this might be part of an emotional issue. if he feels pressure to perform. and then some guys get hung up on not being your first... you didnt say he was yours, so i assume hes not.

anyway, maybe its just a big mental block.

So what your trying to say here is he may be feeling pressure into it so that may be the reason on why he isn't orgasming?

So maybe if I try to reasure him that I am there to support him and when he feels comfortable enough it will happen he may start to feel better?

I am just so confussed on this because I love him and I am not going to leave him because of it but I don't know why its happening.

kp2171 · Feb 24, 2007, 07:43 AM

I think sex can be less mental for guys than girls... its pretty easy to hit our errogenous zone and change our frame of mind quickly. For the female partners I've had, if they aren't really ready mentally, they're just going along for the ride much of the time. Only one was pretty easy to get there if she didn't seem as interested, but she also responded well to strong, direct c1itoral pressure, much like a guy responds to direct pressure, so I think she was just "wired" differently than some.

But there have been times when, if I find it hard to lose myself in the moment, that it is harder to let the sensations build... but "harder" doesn't mean "rarely". Still, yes, maybe he's feeling pressure. But id be surprised if that's the whole thing. Don't know...

You said he gave you specific reasons. What are they? Be as specific as you can. Might help you here or it might help others who are going through the same thing understand.

dulla_girl · Feb 24, 2007, 05:47 PM

Well he hasn't given me reasons really on why this might be happening he just keeps saying things like he doesn't feel comfortable and he is tired. In regard to your previous answers he doesn't look at a lot of porn. He has no problem in getting hard and it staying hard he just can't seem to blow which then makes me feel bad because I do orgasm many times in sex. He does suffer from depression but doesn't take medication for it at all, he is always stressed from owning his own business. Btw he is 27 and I am 20

kp2171 · Feb 25, 2007, 03:11 PM

How about this...

Does he seem to always try to get you off first? The sensations can change over time, and sometimes, not always, I think it can be easier to just let go right away. The bad side of that, of course, is it gives you no chance to be satisfied. While I think its great you are satisfied (just look around here to see the posts of women who have difficulty) maybe he's holding back too much. Make it clear, sometime, that its all about him that time.

Maybe you've done that. Just a thought.

dulla_girl · Feb 25, 2007, 09:30 PM

Yea maybe he gets the feeling aslong as he is pleasing me it doesn't matter if he gets off or not but that's not what I want I have tried telling him that its about him but maybe I need to telling a few times so he doesn't think I am just saying to be nice or something thanks heaps for the advice

Furball129 · Mar 5, 2007, 04:08 PM

Is he overweight? If not, does he masturbate a lot? Any of these can cause him not able to reach an orgasm. You can talk to him, and see if there is anything you can do to work it out with him. If he masturbated a lot before he met you, maybe he used to his hand for a long time, try to stop him for a while, wait for the moment he really wants you, then try again.
Good luck!

dulla_girl · Mar 5, 2007, 07:52 PM

Nah he isn't over weight but I know that before he met me he must of used his hand a lot because there is no way he could have gone his whole lie without masturbating so what you sayng is try to get him to hold of doing it then it will build up so that he will be able to when he sees me next??

Furball129 · Mar 5, 2007, 09:26 PM

Well, it worths a try, doesn't it? Of course you need his cooperation. Tell him you want to make him feel good just the same he wants to make you to, you will not be completely enjoying yourself worrying if he is feeling great, I am sure he will understand. See when he uses his hand, his hand can put more pressure on wherever the sensitive spot is, or wherever he needed it to be, but your vigina is not doing the same thing. He needs to get used to you instead of his hand. My b/f was the same way. We solved the problem. I am not in the same city with my b/f currently, and he bought a fake vigina, it might sounds crazy, but it helps when I am not around. I can't ask him to hold all the time. The toy actually is built like a real vigina, and instead of using his hand, he can use it.
Hope my suggestion works for you.

dulla_girl · Mar 6, 2007, 04:12 AM

Yea it does help a lot I will bring it up with him I am sort of in the same situation although we don't live in separate cities we may as well he works a lot so we don't see quite enough of each other so I will talk to him about it and see what he says cause I know it does upset him in some way because he knows I am worrying about it cause it makes me feel as if I am nt sexy enough for him or that I just don't turn him on enough.

sexygurllllll23 · Aug 16, 2012, 09:29 PM

My boyfriend does not when we have sex either, I think its because he spends a lot of time masurbating and he's not used to the feeling of actual sex that he can't finish.
I was my boyfriends first also and I talked to him about him finishing and he also said its most likely because he's not used to the feeling of actual sex.
Its not that your good enough because I feel the same way. I think that I can't satisfy him and it makes me feel bad. Maybe if you try foreplay a little while before sex it might help.

CravenMorhead · Aug 17, 2012, 06:55 AM

SexyGurllllll23, did you realize that you're commenting on a thread that is over five years old. Think about the last five years of your life and all that has changed.

The original poster hasn't been back on this site in five years. She is not libel to be back. She will never see your post.

If you have a question or concern I would start your own thread where we can give you answers tailored to your question. Trust me I have a few, but will not post here because of the thread jacking. Each question is unique.