Hi all i have been with my bf for about 4 months and we have tried a few times to have sex but he gets tired out before he cums, he doesnt even from blow jobs and it takes hours of jerking off for him to be able to . Is this a normal thing or could it be i dont do anything for him. Iam the first girl he has ever slept with and it upsets me because i feel i cant satisfy him in anyway but i love him and want to be able to. Can anyone help me or give me ideas on what we or i can do?????

kp2171

not really normal. at least in the absence of predisposing health conditions. some meds can hurt this. but a lot about sex is mental too. the fact that he can barely get himself off is not good news.

lots of things, like stress, exhaustion, being physically unfit, high blood pressure, depression, mental distraction, meds, etc can hinder ones ability to reach orgasm.

so first thing is first. im a guy, and i cant speak for all, but my opinion is most girls can get most guys off at least some of the time (probably most of the time), and most guys can probably get themselves off most of the time, and most guys can get some girls off some of the time but it isnt a sure thing much of the time. got it? =P

does this mean you are doing something wrong, since you cant get him off at all? i dont think so. not at all. not if hes being honest about it.

does he spend a lot of time masturbating? is he addicted to porn? does he seem distracted during sex?

i dunno. i know you are frustrated, but really....really... even when im at my most tired, exhausted, depressed, sad self i have a great chance of hitting climax given a chance.

so no... i dont think its you.

hes not right physically, mentally, or both.

kp2171

i forgot... you said youre his first. this might be part of an emotional issue. if he feels pressure to perform. and then some guys get hung up on not being your first... you didnt say he was yours, so i assume hes not.

anyway, maybe its just a big mental block.

dulla_girl

So what your trying to say here is he may be feeling pressure into it so that may be the reason on why he isnt orgasming??

So maybe if i try to reasure him that iam there to support him and when he feels comfortable enough it will happen he may start to feel better??

iam just so confussed on this because i love him and iam not going to leave him because of it but i dont know why its happening.

kp2171

i think sex can be less mental for guys than girls... its pretty easy to hit our errogenous zone and change our frame of mind quickly. for the female partners ive had, if they arent really ready mentally, theyre just going along for the ride much of the time. only one was pretty easy to get there if she didnt seem as interested, but she also responded well to strong, direct c1itoral pressure, much like a guy responds to direct pressure, so i think she was just "wired" differently than some.

but there have been times when, if i find it hard to lose myself in the moment, that it is harder to let the sensations build...but "harder" doesnt mean "rarely". still, yes, maybe hes feeling pressure. but id be suprised if thats the whole thing. dunno...

you said he gave you specific reasons. what are they? be as specific as you can. might help you here or it might help others who are going through the same thing understand.

dulla_girl

well he hasnt given me reasons really on why this might be happening he just keeps saying things like he doesnt feel comfortable and he is tired. in regard to your previous answers he doesnt look at alot of porn. he has no problem in getting hard and it staying hard he just cant seem to blow which then makes me feel bad because i do orgasm many times in sex. He does suffer from depression but doesnt take medication for it at all, he is always stressed from owning his own business. Btw he is 27 and iam 20

kp2171

how about this...

does he seem to always try to get you off first? the sensations can change over time, and sometimes, not always, i think it can be easier to just let go right away. the bad side of that, of course, is it gives you no chance to be satisfied. while i think its great you are satisfied (just look around here to see the posts of women who have difficulty) maybe hes holding back too much. make it clear, sometime, that its all about him that time.

maybe youve done that. just a thought.

dulla_girl

yea maybe he gets the feeling aslong as he is pleasing me it doesnt matter if he gets off or not but thats not what i want i have tried telling him that its about him but maybe i need to telling a few times so he doesnt think iam just saying to be nice or something thanks heaps for the advice

Furball129

Is he overweight? If not, does he masturbate a lot? Any of these can cause him not able to reach an orgasm. You can talk to him, and see if there is anything you can do to work it out with him. If he masturbated a lot before he met you, maybe he used to his hand for a long time, try to stop him for a while, wait for the moment he really wants you, then try again.
Good luck!

dulla_girl

nah he isnt over weight but i know that before he met me he must of used his hand alot because there is no way he could of gone his whole lie without masturbating so what you sayng is try to get him to hold of doing it then it will build up so that he will be able to when he sees me next???