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ok, im in a relationship and i know my boyfriend watches porn, sometimes we can be having a dirty conversation and he will say porn is calling me, sometimes he will give me the option and say will you talk dirty or should i watch porn. it worries me coz i presume he watches it every night before bed, and my friends all tell me its normal and it shouldnt bother me, but i feel like ill never be good enough. also worried as i presume thats where he gets his ideas from for wild sex or dirty sex or some of the other things he says, and im not like that, im more than happy to have sex but im sure i would be into anal, coming on my face, dressing up and role plays etc. is porn ruining him? or am i otally overracting like my mates say i am?
Watching porn has been compared to having sex with yourself. It's all about imagining being with someone you're not with. Some guys watch porn with their girlfriends/wives. Some watch it when no one is around to have sex with. Some are so into the voyeurism that they attempt to create porn scenarios (with dirty talk or imaginings) instead of being with their partner mind, body and soul (as much as possible.) It seems that your boyfriend is of the third type. Some women are OK with it, most are not. Is it normal? Men are visually oriented. That doesn't mean that they are always balanced. If his behavior is striking ugly chords in your innermost self and causing you to doubt your own attractiveness, I think you should leave him. Regardless of what your friends say, there are plenty of men who like to spend their time with real live women.
Men look at porn. It happens. Comparing yourself to some random female who has been made up, positioned, airbrushed and edited is kind of silly, wouldn't you think?
I honestly feel that the women who don't like porn (or their significant others watching it) are the women with low self-esteem to begin with. If you had confidence in yourself, what would some random chick (whose face I'm SURE he isn't looking at) have that could threaten you??
If he is suggesting stuff you don't like--why not just tell him so? My bet is that you either just play along when he brings it up, or you don't say anything at all. How hard is it to say "I am not comfortable with that idea"?
Porn is great--in moderation. If ya'll don't have a physical relationship (say, for instance, you're at different colleges and can't) why shouldn't he use it for release?
If, however, he leaves a perfectly good dirty conversation with you for it---that's bad!! That's not moderation, and that's deserting your partner for someone imaginary!
So..here's the deal. YOU work on your self-esteem, and tell HIM that you're more important than porn the next time he tells you "it's calling him", and that he should stay with you.
As far as the kinkiness of what he wants--if you're not comfortable with it, you HAVE to tell him. Maybe porn is where he's getting his ideas from, but if YOU don't say "no", how the heck should he know that you don't like it?
There are many activities in life that people participate in that are a quick or slow roads to personal misery. I think many people know what a few of these roads are, drug and alcohol abuse for two. It is the ones that no one talks about that will blind side a person and mess him up. Porn is one of the silent destroyers, destroyers of spontaneous pleasurable sex with a willing partner and eventually, it destroys a man's ability to perform sexually. Porn is produced to be strictly male masturbatory material...the acts depicted are about penis pumping...watching close ups of that while doing the same in person..mechanical sex. Females are portrayed as vessels to receive sperm, or worse. One message to women is..*I would rather masturbate than risk anything at all by having unaided sexual intercourse and emotional engagement with you*.
If and when it becomes an addiction, it can be a very bad thing, I compare it to wine, a nice glass with dinner can be great, too much will not be good. Most porn shows women as almost a lower life form that is there just to please a man, and it can of course give the man an idea about what his sex life should be like, and in normal real life, sex is not like a porn movie. If he can not control it, it will be a problem,
Ok, here it is. My husband watches porn and jerks off anyday that we don't have sex. Am I worried he's going to leave me? no. Am I worried i'm not enough? no. Am i worried that porn is replacing me? no. I know that he would RATHER have sex with me than use porn, but when i'm not in the mood he turns to porn. I'm not the perfect woman by far. i am 5'2 and i weigh over 200 lbs. He has no problem with me. I have no problem with porn. It's about being confident in yourself and understanding that men will be men.
Ok well I am going to be a little different here...
I personally absolutly hate Porn, I cant tollerate it... I find it very disusting and downgrading, Nor can I even have sex with a guy who was just watching porn just seconds prior to wanting sex with me...
No it is not stemed to been cheated on nor is it stemed from fears of not been good enough or anything else..
I just personally belive it is wrong, When your in love with someone then thats the only persons body you should see, You shouldnt be watching some other chick or guy on some porno getting off over them.
But thats just how I see it..
I think You need to tell your guy you dont like it, and if your not comfertable meeting up to his expectations then you need to let him know that.. Dont get into a trap of doing something you dont want to because thats exactly what it is, A trap, and traps are hard to get out of.
my husband would never ask for sex right after watching porn. he only watches it when i don't want to. think of porn this way. atleast he's not out there with his in someone else. he's pleasuring HIMSELF. it's different for a guy. their sex drive is different. if they don't have sex a certain amount of times ( or jerk off) then their gets pent up and they feel like their gonna explode. I have no problem with him watching porn...he'd never choose it over me is the deal. when he starts choosing it over you then there is a problem.
Above, another poster has brought up the fact that men get build-up. If they do not release it through masturbation or a wet dream, it keeps building? I am not disagreeing, just wondering, what happens to celibate priests?
I agree with the hypothesis that women get the opposite of buildup. Withoug sex, even bad sex they feel more and more empty. Has anyone a thought on this or have any idea where I heard it?
Hey good point about it been better then him cheating, But I still dont think I could handle it.... oh and yes my guy does it, but I turn a blind eye to it, He dont do it when I am around but he does when I am sleeping I know this coz ill wake up to get a drink during the night and I will walk past the computer room and he will be there watching it...but I turn a blind eye otherwise it makes me feel realy sick to the bone... I have to block it out, and I know probably 90% of guys watch it too.
haha hey If I go too long without sex or masturbation I feel out of control, I have a sex drive more like a male, I am a chick who does need it every day, If I dont atleast masturbate every 2nd day at the max my moods get out of control, I get mad and everything.. It sucks...And alot of people say oh you man must love you for that, but in fact they turn you down after a while coz they want a break and stuff, haha I would love to loose a little of my sex drive, lmao
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