At what point is the husband unfaithful?

Pushtumpa · Jul 1, 2009, 05:20 AM

My question is this:

at what part in this scenario is the husband unfaithful:

1. Husband smiles at girl in bar
2. Husband chats to girl in bar
3. Husband flirts with girl in bar
4. Husband touches arm of girl in bar
5. Husband touches leg of girl in bar
6. Husband touches of girl in bar
7. Husmand masturbates in shower, thinking of the girl he met in the bar
8. Husband has`sex with wife but thinks of the the girl he met in bar
9. Husband has oral sex with girl he met in bar
10 Husband has sex with girl he met in bar

redhed35 · Jul 1, 2009, 08:04 AM

IF im having a girls night out,and some guy comes up and he is all 'hey baby' and starts touching me,arm,leg,head,whatever..i would not be a happy camper thats for sure!

I behave in a way that is respectful to my relationship,i would not be making goo goo eyes at a random man,im all for having a laugh and a good time when im out,but just because im not with my boyfriend at the time do i consider myself single.

Im wondering if the op behaves the same way in a bar if he is with his wife?

smoothy · Jul 1, 2009, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

But Smoothy--is SHE the one being irrational, because of self esteem issues?

Or is HE the one that is expecting to be able to act like he's single, even though he is now married?

I think anything from #5 on could be absolutely construed as cheating, depending on how it's done.

I'm a natural flirt. I made sure my husband understood that no matter who I flirted with, or touched (as long as it wasn't in a no-no place), I was going home with him---and if he couldn't deal with it, then we should end things before they get started.

However--if I had NEVER been a flirt, and then --because I'm bored in my marriage or whatever--just START to flirt with random guys in bars and touch them in ways to lead them on----my husband would have EVERY right to complain.

It's not about self-esteem or being controlling--it's about respecting each other enough to realize where the boundaries of any particular relationship are.

In my eyes she is being irrational. I have actually dated women that got all weird about who I spoke to, looked at, etc....even when these were friends I have known for years with NO desire to hop into bed with them for various reasons.

Some were worse than others....ALL are EX-girlfriends now. Like I said, I know a lot of people who are touchy, feely. If its your aunt or grandmother , maybe just a person thats much older, why is it more acceptible than if its someone young and attractive...say a best friends wife where there is no possibility anything will happen. And why exactly? My sister-in-laws are this way with me....always have been, wife doesn't freak out about it.

And we have seen so many threads on this site with women going bonkers because a guy just LOOKED at a woman across the street...but its always HIS problem...not hers, at least in her view.

And isn't that line of thought much like parts of Sharia law dictating who women can even be seen with or speak to....or if they can be out in public without their burlap sack...(Burqua) or risk being beaten? Just a role reversal and exagerated....

MsMewiththat · Jul 1, 2009, 08:20 AM

I would say husband starting being unfaithful the moment he thought that he would do something with this girl in the bar. The seed was planted early on and if he went back to the bar thinking that he would see her, he planted the seed mentally and that to me is when it starts.

N0help4u · Jul 1, 2009, 08:22 AM

I agree that many girls get irrational, hysterical and all crazy. But some guys just aren't right with how they go about their flirting. Many of them give a girl reason to be bothered by it.

smoothy · Jul 1, 2009, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I agree that many girls get irrational, hysterical and all crazy. But some guys just aren't right with how they go about their flirting. Many of them give a girl reason to be bothered by it.

Yeah, well there are some....and that does take place on both sides as well.

I've seen both men and women doing that before....usually to instigate a response for who knows what reason.

liz28 · Jul 1, 2009, 08:40 AM

To the OP why must you flirt with all the girls at the bar if your wife has a problem with it?

When I go to the bar it is usually with friends or my fiance and yes I talk to everyone at the bar but I don't go there to flirt. I go to have a good time with my friends or fiance.

N0help4u · Jul 1, 2009, 08:50 AM

Same here I go for the band, the food and shoot pool.
(I buy one or two drinks and make it last)
Flirting should be done in good taste and not offensive to your significant other.\
If she is over reacting then maybe the problem is hers one way or another.

smoothy · Jul 1, 2009, 09:09 AM

Most of what certain women call flirting (usually the ones with self esteme issues)....is just being sociable, this isn't Saudi Arabia or afghanistan after all. PARTICULARLY if she's there to see it. Its a rare guy that will actually flirt with his girlfriend or wife there.

jenniepepsi · Jul 1, 2009, 09:16 AM

i say it gets a bit iffy at 5

but definately crosses the line at 9

Synnen · Jul 1, 2009, 09:34 AM

My question for those that only see it as cheating starting at #9----what about cybering? What about texts, phone calls, "emotional" adultery? Those people seldom actually have sex with the person they are "cheating" with, but there's still a line being crossed, right?



At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you will be able to: Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+ topics. Accept money for answers that you provide. Communicate privately with other members (PM). See fewer ads. Sign Up!