I have been with my husband since I was 15 and he was my first. When we first started having sex everything was great and I was always in the mood. Ever since I had my first child I havent been able to get in the mood and it has just about disappeared since my second child. We have tryed everything toys and oral but nothing works.

J_9

First off, let me welcome you to AMHD!!

Well, there are many things, but we must start off looking at your age now!!!

How old is your first child? Second?

There are many many reasons, and you will get some great advice here.

Marie21

My first child is 3 and second is 15 months

J_9

Ah, you have your hands full. Could possibly be the problem. You do not mention your age, could be hormonal.

Have you and hubby tried a date night once a week? Find a sitter, parents, whatever, go to dinner and a movie.... just like old times.

Do you work or stay at home? Being a mommy is really stressful work.. you should also find time for yourself. I call it "Me Time"

I need Me Time so that I can feel good about me for a few minutes a day. You have to refresh your mind as well as your body.

Also, a little known psychology trick.... Do not have pictures of the kids in your bedroom. This can subconsciously put you right out of the mood.

Is hubby affectionate at all? How about just watching a movie together after the kiddos are in bed and just do some cuddling, maybe some light petting, but nothing heavy.

I know when hubby and I make plans to have sex it never happens. One of the kids gets sick, or one can't sleep. So we have learned not to make plans ahead of time unless we are planning for date night.

I am hoping some of the other people come to your aid also, you will get much more wonderful advice here.

Marie21

I am about to be 21. We have tried to watch movies together but I makes me angry because we cant just sit, cuddle, have quiet time together, and watch the movie because he always thinks he has to touch me in some sexual way. I dont work, I am a student, and I hardly have any time by myself. If my kids are anything like yours then you understand. I cant even go to the bathroom with out them following. I mean I love them alot but sometimes it would be nice to be by myself. At night when we try, nothing helps. It just starts to hurt and then he gets mad and we stop. Horrible, I know.

I have talked to him about going to the doctor but just like every man I know he says it is all in my head. Maybe I am just tried and stressed out from the day that maybe my mind is not working by that time.

talaniman

Two babies? One is walking around just starting to run there mouth, barely pot trained (oops everynow and then) The other one is trying to keep up with the yackity one, who has discovered everything, and your asking about being in the mood? When do you have time as your hands are full all day and most of the night. I remember those days all to well. SEX, you better forget it and get a nap instead. J_9 is right without babysitters sex is only a memory. LOL, Hey no fair posting the same time I do. As far as hubby is concerned he might be going crazy with your schedule cutting him off but that aside why would he go see a doctor? No, its not in your head its a lot of stress caused by too much to do with too little time to do it. Do you need a vacation absolutely. Can you see a doctor without hubby do so. Be better if he supported you and I undrstand this but don't let him stop you. Talking to each other and not at each other can help find a solution that you both can live with.

Marie21

That's one problem. My oldest has been potty trained since he was 18 months and there isnt much to do for him when he has to go but wipe and I can hardly get his dad to do that when he is home. It seems like that is all my husband thinks about morning and night. I cant even give our kids a bath without him coming in there and messing me and I dont approve of doing things like that in front of the kids. It seems like the more he begs the more it gets me out of the mood but he wouldnt beg if I just did it.

talaniman

Guilty! I did the same thing to my wife, and I admit that I was less than perfect. We all must make adjustment when little strangers take over our house. LOL. Not laughing at you, but With you and yes it feels good to laugh about it. COMUNICATE your feelings and try to understand his point of view also as he's going thru changes to. Whatever problems crop up always be able to talk to each other and be willing to compromise. Maybe his communication skills are not as good as yours or he can't see that you might need a little help or more time to yourself, so understand that too. My wife often use to kid(?) me that I was one of her most demanding children to be raised, but time and patients allowed me to grow up and be the perfect guy I am now, but it is a process, not an overnight sensation. As he grows so must you. Deal with it TOGETHER!!

aqua@home

Well, I had no idea so many husbands were all arms. LOL. Mine is the same way. Something could be burning on the stove and he just doesn't let up.

Anyway, I agree that you are under a lot of stress and you could probably use some time without the kids. What about hormones? Isn't it possible that your hormones might be a little out of wack after just having 2 little ones. You are young and so your body is probably still changing, still recovering. Have you been nursing your youngest? I know, it takes a little while after nursing to get your hormones settled. I know when I had a little extra baby weight, that affected things too.

I would maybe see a doctor to make sure your hormone levels are good and take a break from the babies.

BTW...I think this is perfectly normal. It happened to me too.

J_9

Yes, this is normal.... Men are naturally sexual beings, they do not understand the demands of little ones on top of work and/or school.

It could possibly be hormones, since they really do not settle down until around age 25. And that is without having any babies.

However, I still think you need to make time for you. When he is home just say "I am going to take a bath, watch the kids for 15 minutes." Then do just that.... It might take him some getting used to, but he is the father and therefore just as responsible as you.

I know it's not much consolation, but at least you are still attractive to him. He still yearns for you, loves you, and wants to share that with you in the most special way that a man can show his wife.