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I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months last week i found he has been texting gay chat sites the texts were very explicit including photos, when i confronted him he said he wasn't gay or bi and could't explain why he does it he says he loves me very much and doesn't want anyone else, i think he is in denial surely a straight man cant get turned on by sex text with gay men. i have tried to understand and tried to talk about it he keeps denying he is gay and says he's had enough of me not trusting him, it has now ruined our relationship, am i going mad or is he gay.
Even if he is not gay or bi you have to ask yourself is this the behavior you want from a guy that is suppose to love only you so much?
Many people cry that their bf spends more time on the porn sites and it turns them on more than the gf does.
It could very well end up your situation if you stay with him.
I'm sorry for you. He has a monster that he was born with, it's emerging and there's no stopping it. He probably truly loves you, but these urges are so strong, and will only continue to grow, it is a lost cause. If you have it in your heart try to be his buddy. Everybody has a monster.
He is either gay or very curious. I myself would cut my losses and find someone who knew what they wanted. Easier said than done yes.......but the best !!
Mike
This whole scenario doesn't really add up. Why would he date a *girl* if he were actively gay and then, allow his girlfriend to see gay porno stuff on his whatever?????
Is it possible that he is trying to get rid of you????
I'm surprised at the negativity here, especially in 2008. Guess what folks? Being gay is NOT a "monster". Honey, you don't need to "run away!" He "doesn't have a problem" and his lifestyle or sexual orientation is NOT "his mess". And for all of you ignorant straight folks out there, shame on you for judging another person, whose shoes you have NOT walked in.
I am gay. I was married to a woman for almost 10 years, and my sexual orientation wasn't a "monster, a mess or a problem". Because of religion, culture, tradition and many other factors, people (not just gay men / women) live closeted lives regardless of their sexual orientation. Should you try to understand and work through this? Understand and be compassionate, yes-but try to give "pat" / judgemental answers or do this on your own No.
I would have appreciated a person who understood or tried to understand. I would have appreciated knowledge, so I could be true to myself, instead of lying. Eventually I did, but your boyfriend won't until he is ready. He may never, and choose to use gay chat rooms or gay porn as an outlet.
There aren't any easy answers, but come on-stop the bigotry and offer some emotional and loving support [readers]. Read, get information, talk to someone from PFLAG (Google it) someone who is or has been in your shoes and can offer real, sage advice.
Francis58, I admire your courage and tenacity to speak with him about this. You do have 9-months invested into your relationship. I think speaking to someone, a profesisonal, may be a good option for you. If your b/f is serious about keeping a relationship with you, possibly both of you can see a therapist? IMO, if he is looking at this type of computer activity (gay chat / gay porn), it will not end. You may run the risk of his behavior repeating itself until you are truly tired of it and your relationship runs its course.
If you want to chat offline about this, I'm not an expert or a Psychologist, but someone who walked in his shoes and I care. Let me know!
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