I have been with my girlfriend for about four month now. I have fallin madly in love with her, She and her 2 year old son live with me now. When we first got together the sex was amazing, by far the best I had ever had! We would have sex 2 and 3 times a day. Now that she lives with me she is never in the mood. I do everything for her I clean, take care of her son wile she is at work, cook, do all the house work. I try to make her feel as loved as I can. Itell her every day how much I love her. I try to tell her how beautiful she is and its like she gets angry becasue she doesnt belive that she is,( but I do). She dosent like for me to iniciate sex she says that its a big turn off for her and makes her want it even less. She says that I am a pervert, when I tell her that she looks very good in tight fitting pear of jeans. She has told me in the past that sex is nothing but a tool to her(so she can get off). Sex is a big deal to me, like most me i guess. But I dont see why I have to adhear to all of her wants and needs when none of mine get meet. She doesnt want me to hang all over her, she dont want me to compliment her as i do, she wants me to help w/ house stuff ( witch I do it all). I guess im just tired of feeling bad for wanting to have sex with my girlfriend, and feeling bad for thinkin my girlfriend is the most beauitful girl in the work, and finding her very sexually attractive. I just dont know what to do, She gave up alot to move down were I live w/ me, So im pretty sure she loves me, I just dont know if she loves me in that way anymore. Its kind of like the bait and switch she gave me sex and lovy dovy stuff before she moved in and now that she is with me it like she dont have to do that stuff( lord nows I would never forse her to do anything she did not want. But sometimes even a man needs to be desired!

smoothy

I think she already warned you about this before when she said sex was a tool. Thats not how the average person views it. But unfortunately all too many women use that ploy to get what they want....then oncwe the get it the legs slam shut like a bear trap.

She might be thinking first for a provider for her kid.....and a lot less about a partner for herself as well.

First and formost you do have to have a serious heart to heart talk with her....and be clear and honest...and avoid acusitory or harsh tones. or seriously, and I do mean seriously reconsider the live together situation.

Four months honestly isn't much time to know someone as a friend much less fall in love with and particularly move in together with.

And its a very real possibility that she doesn't think its all that she thought it would be either.

Cover your butt well here. I've known women that would get pregnant JUST to keep a guy to provide for them.....Is she collecting child support from the kids father? If not there are bells and whistles and not just red flags flying here.

She very well might be manipulating the situation to get her way. Raising a kid as a single parent isn't easy if she was bearing the full cost alone. And money can be a wicked strong motivator. Even small ammounts when its more than you have.

A move into the trailer park is still a step up from an apartment in a bad part of town.

doorman01

Yes she does get child support from the father. Its just a stange situation, It was probably to soon but I have fallen hard for her. Other than the sex thing it is great between us, we both like to do alot of the same things we have fun when its just the two of us. She keeps sayin that she is tired or something along those lines, but I work full time also and comehome clean the house, make sure the little boy is feed, give him a bath and so on. Also on the wired side of things the last time we did have sex she rolled over to me a said "make love to me". I am usually very good a reading people, but I think my heart has gotten in the way of my brain. I just dont want to make the wrong decision with this because she is a great woman, very good mother. We have talked about this on a few occations but it always ends up basicly that my wants and needs dont matter.

smoothy

You are in lust with her.....sex has a way of doing that with a guy......I'm a guy, trust me...been through that many times with many women before I got married and that one I dated 3 years first. Nope never moved in together before either with the wife, did it twice with others but was really more of a temporary stay than actually moving in together.

Its not your heart thats getting in the way of your brain.....its the little dude in your shorts getting in the way of your brain. Remember...I'm a dude. I know exactly how strong that persuasion is.

As far as her, I'm tired excuse....wasn't she living alone before this (I assume) and wasn't tired then. Like I said...4 months you are barley even starting to know each other....then you are living together. Thats a really big jump there...and likely is seeing things she didn't want to see, wasn't expecting or whatever. Thats what a honest non-accusatory talk should find out.


And trust me...most guys have done some really stupid things in pursuit of cooter over the years....and are going to in the future.

doorman01

Then I guess ill just have to set down with her and see what she has to say.

doorman01

Are there any ladies that would like to comment, and maybe throw out a few ideas?

Synnen

Oh, she's totally using you.

Doesn't mean she doesn't care for you, but if she WAS putting it out before you moved in together, and all of a sudden ISN'T, when you're doing at least your fair share of things---then I'm sure it's that she doesn't feel she needs to "catch" you anymore.

My guess is that you're both in your early 20s?

Unless something ELSE is going on --like...I'm in the middle of an audit at work, and my husband is carrying my share of teh housework as well as my own, because I come home absolutely mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. We still cuddle and stuff, but my mind isn't in the game for sex right now, and without my MIND being there, there's no way my BODY is gonna be there. Anyway, if nothign like THAT is going on to stress her out, then you're looking at how your future with her is going to be.

I suggest a counselor as a third party interpreter between the 2 of you. Unfortunately, 4 months is just not that long a relationship, and moving in together was probably premature--and has had a huge effect on the entire situation.

doorman01

Very true, she says that she is stressed at times, with here living in a new place, new job, not many girlfriends, and other things. I guess i really cant place all the blame on her, but it just seems fishy to me i dont know. At night in bed I have notcied that she does want me to cuddle her more and she even layed her head down on me. And most of the time that is enough for me, but its been almost a month now since we had sex.

Synnen

I agree with Smoothy--you need to sit down together and have a rational, open, honest discussion about BOTH of your needs, and how they can be met without it being a "chore" for the other person.

smoothy

I saw that too (the her using him part), but wanted to hold back saying it until we had more info.... and a councellor is a good idea....otherwize there is a strong likelyhood each of you digs in your heels and nothing gets done.