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Stars · Apr 19, 2006, 12:28 PM

Hi to all
I just wish to share my problem.. I'm 18 and a virgin my boyfriend isn't a virgin.. I can't understand why its bothering me so much.. I feel he did everything with someone else already.
I even though of asking if he as always used a condom but I think it might not be that suitable to ask such a question what do you guys think? Hehe

DrJ · Apr 19, 2006, 01:11 PM

You're a virgin, he's not, don't sweat it. Its not that big of a deal... trust me, at 18, I'm SURE he hasn't already done EVERYTHING with someone else. You should actually be grateful because a boys first time usually isn't all that great lol

Second, if you are planning to have sex with him, YES, you better find out if he used protection! If he didn't, or if you don't trust that he did, tell him to get tested before you engage in any sexual activity. Who cares if he gets offended... it is your body and your life... do you want to live the rest of your life with a disease?

Stars · Apr 19, 2006, 01:14 PM

Thanks a lot.. I'm 18 he's older.. they had been together for like 3 yrs I think if not more.. I say they did everything like would even live together for the weekend etc.. I feel its bothering me

DrJ · Apr 19, 2006, 01:33 PM

Honetsly, you shouldn't let this get to you. In this day and age, it is very rare to find someone of that age that is still a virgin. You really can't let it get to you. You should just think of it as something to be thankful for. At least he will have some clue as to how to treat you!

Stars · Apr 19, 2006, 02:42 PM

Thanks again!
It has never really bothered me all my past relationships wer wit guys who weren't virgins.. this guy seems to be treating me better than the rest... ill take your advice and put it aside.. or at least ill try because its like his ex keeps appearing like they did this before its now as special to him as it is to me.. ohh heheh I'm sounding so stupid lol

Hypatia · Apr 19, 2006, 03:06 PM

I have to say that you are lucky. Better to have a trained man than one who is not. Trust me, when it comes down to "it" you will be thankful. Virgin men are all hands and legs. They dont know up from down and rarely will they satisfy you. I know you feel it is special to you, and it is. Know that whoever you give your maidenhead to it might not be so special. Men rarely hold this as a prize like women do. If you are dead set on being with a virgin then go to church and find one. But honestly, you would do better with an experienced man.

Hypatia

nero2 · Apr 20, 2006, 04:25 AM

I understand how u feel but what is the past is the past, I am sure he have not done every thing . But knowing he is not a virgin is not a big deal. Just don't take too much at yr heart. As long as he is not have any sexual relationship with the person any more, it should be fine.

kp2171 · Apr 20, 2006, 10:50 PM

Sex can be complicated enough when you are having it. Don't let this be a hangup with your relationship.

Fine. He's had sex. You have not. You wouldn't want him to judge you harshly because you are a virgin, right?

And as for having done everything already... it is a long process of learning. And different people have different reactions and needs. There is no one way that works for all... so don't think that he's figured it all out. I've had relationships of 6 years, 2 years, and 6 years and counting... none of them were the same sexually, and we were still learning "new" things in each of them.

Just don't try to "compete" with a relationship that is over. He's with you.

fredg · Apr 21, 2006, 06:07 AM

Hi, Stars,
I like your comment about "putting is aside" for now.
Being a virgin is a great compliment to anyone. If it bothers you talking with him about his past sex life, then don't.
But, if you get to the point you want to talk about with him, then by all means, do. A good relationship is built on trust, love, caring, and sharing. You both should be able to talk about anything you want. That comes with knowing your boyfriend, and might take some time to develop that relationship.

Cynic · May 29, 2006, 09:19 AM

If and when you do have sex with him... Make sure to use those condoms... Even if he has only been with one other person... Remember when your are having sex and not using condoms you are sleep with everyone that person has slept with plus every person they slpet with and so on... You can never be to safe...

valinors_sorrow · May 29, 2006, 09:50 AM

You don't sound stupid at all, you sound curious and inexperienced, which is great!

It isn't like by the time you do have sex, the partner with the most experience wins. . And the one who is new loses. Its not a race.

I bet you have more experience and knowledge in some things than he does, and you would be happy to share your "expertise" with him, wouldn't you?

He is going to be only too happy to do likewise with you in bed. That is one of the beautiful things about love is you get to share in each other's strengths!

Cool, huh?

Stars · May 29, 2006, 11:06 AM

Thanks a lot! Just today we were talking about it again.. he knows exactly how I feel which is great
My past hasn't been too angelic.. so he says he has that to put aside.. still its something I think about a lot prob more than him because he says he doesn't think about it
And I'm quite religious so there's that too.

Krs · May 29, 2006, 11:10 AM

It doesn't matter that you're a virgin and he isn't.
Men sometimes like untouched women and its prob a challenge and something he will never forget - that your a virgin and he may be your first.

What about being religious?

s_cianci · Jun 4, 2006, 11:37 AM

First of all, don't let not being a virgin bother you. Actually you're quite wise to take your time and not rush in to anything. Secondly, in this day and age you have every right to know whether any potential partner has always used a condom. One can't afford not to anymore. Remember, when you sleep with someone you're sleeping with everyone they've ever slept with. How much do you know about this person and his past partners? That's very important knowledge to have. If anyone wants to be intimate with you then you're entitled to that knowledge about them.

Kadehadaire · Jul 6, 2006, 11:52 AM

I know how you feel though, I had the same feelings about my boyfirend when I was a virgin. Many of my friends did too, its natural to feel that way.

Just don't let it stop you getting intimate when you are ready.