At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
Hi i have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and i love him so much we do have a great time together, however until i met him at age 18 (he is 18 also) he had never taken part in any physical activity including masturbation as he had a very sheltered childhood. Things such as hand jobs and blow jobs were new experiences for him and for quite a while he seemed to really be in to it, yet he showed no interest in me. A few months ago i was looking on his history part on his computer to find a website address i was looking for and i came across loads of pictures and videos of half naked men he had been looking at including things such as gay kisses. I was so shocked and felt sick with worry and when i comfronted him he said i only look at them because im jealous of the way they look compared to me, however something told me this was not the case and he was looking at them when he was masturbating. The problem is as he had a sheltered lifestlye he doesnt know really what to do and he only recently has started doing things like fondelling my boobs. I realise i have to patient but i can only take so much and part of me is now thinking is he gay? is that the reason why he is not interested? Anyway i didnt fully believe him despite his word (which i know was wrong) and i knew when he masturbated as he would alwyas say aww im going to bed. When he actually went to bed he would ask me to turn off the computer and when he was actually taking part in other activitys he told me to leave it on, i then began at every oppertunity to check what he had been looking at and found it was these videos. I was so worked up and eventually when i had had enough and was so upset and screwed up about it all i decided to comfront him. He was angry upset and everything with me and said i had broken his trust and that i had no buisness snopping around and i obviously didnt love him and things, but i love him with all my heart. I was so upset and i knew i didnt want it to break up as we still do have a good time. Yet it upsets me that its all take and no give with him. Even when in bed, up until recently he would hide his face under the duvet cover when i was giving him a hand job. He said to me when i comfronted him that i needed to trust him and that he wasnt going to stop looking at the videos just becasue i wanted him too as he wasnt using them for any sexual purpose, but i still cant help being unsure and looking every so often at his computer history. He is most of the time very caring and does constantly tell me he loves me and hugs me and things. I think maybe the reason he is scared of moving further is he doesnt know how but i want to reassure him. A couple of weeks ago in bed i had my underwear on and he was erect and he started pushing down on me with his penis, however he had had a lot to drink and i always feel that when he drinks its the only time he actually does become aware that i am a person with needs as well. We were very close to sleeping together that night however we ended up just hugging close and then me (as usual) masturbating him. I said i was worried that our relationship would be at the same i masturbate and give you blow jobs stage a year later to him and he broke down, he said he didnt know if he was ready to sleep with me. The thing is thats not necessarily what i want and i wouldnt dream of pushing him but fondling from him to me would be good. However when i said there are oppertunities other than sex he said he didnt really know what to do and what they were. Is this just an excuse. He also said he didnt really know exactly how to have sex and when i looked at his history in one of my paraniod moments again it did have a website which explained how to have sex and whether you are ready. We are both now 19 and i miss being in such a sexual relationship and it really upsets me to think he masturbates to these videos. I however love him so much and have never been so close to someone in a relationship. Do you think he might be gay or am i being unfair and paranoid? please help i really am at the end of my terror and this worry is making me feel ill!
thanks
susie
You could possibly bring up to him in a sidehanded question if he is gay, like "How drunk would you have to be to kiss a guy" stuff like that.
does he actually look at pornographic material of men, or is it just men being all cut with no shirts on and stuff?
Well we could never really know if he's gay without knowing him and such. If he is he may need time to come to grips. he obviously doesnt want to be confronted yet. heres a question to ask yourself. If he comes to you a year from now and says he's gay, Would you support and accept him and be his friend? Anyways untill you find out. Tell him that hes not the only one in the relationship who needs to be taken care of sexually. you need to be patient and slow with him. but talk to him, you need to be able to have discussions you need to be able to talk about sex. Tell him if he doesnt know how to take care of you then you can show him. take steps with him. Show him. Talk to him. show him what you like. Take his hand and show him. But only if he agrees to. If you just do it without talking you may be pushing him and make him angry and even more uncomfortable. Till then you don't know if he's gay. And nothing will remove the question from the back of your head. but just try to put it behind you and just move on with your relationship. But ask yourself how you will take it if he is. will you befriend him and move on. anyways thats what i think. goodluck i hope things get easier
well, first of all, you were invading his privacy. That was wrong of you. I understand you were upset and acting out of love and care, but it was still wrong. Secondly, since he was so sheltered, maybe he doesn't know what he is. i mean, maybe he is trying to figure out if he is gay, bisexual, or straight. He might just be exploring...he might not even know yet. Ask him that, in a non-confrontational way of course. If you're ok with him "investigating" and "exploring" to see, truly, what it is that he really does want...then tell him that. maybe your acceptance of who he is will make him want you that much more.
Its a case of sexual experimentation-he's trying to discover where his sexuality is bi gay or straight. yes he masturbates to the videos take that for granted-but i would be telling him that YOU need sexual release as well- he needs to give you something back-either he does that or tell him he needs to go because YOU are just as needy sexual wise as he is.
Linear Mode
