It sounds to me like you and your partner are stroking and receiving WAY TOO LONG. There is no reason to have a stroking portion of lovemaking longer than five minutes. Otherwise, a woman risks bladder infections and roughing up of the genitals which causes tenderness and being sore.
If both of you are going longer than this because the woman has not orgasm'd, then instead of more stroking, engage in more sexy foreplay of all kinds.
Give your vulva and vagina a rest for awhile, and read about different kinds of exciting foreplay.
Best wishes,