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    I think my boyfriend may be gay

    Asked Jan 2, 2007, 09:27 PM 19 Answers
    I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. We spend really great time went we are together. At the bigining we tried to base our relatinship in trust,love and respect.he is funny, sweet and smart. I LOVE HIM and I'm sure that he loves me too. But, our sex life is not good at all. I am always the one that takes the first step. He hugs,kiss and touch me everywhere... yea, he turn me on. But then he just said that he is tired, that just because we don't have sex it doesn't mean that he dosen't love me.(I'm confused) to me sex is something strong that hold a relationship together.
    Our relationship is been affected. Most of the time we ended up in a discussiom.(I feel insecure) last week. I ask him in a very nice way what does he think about gays and his answered was that he aprove 100% the way gay people live their life and that it's not their fault to be like that. It is totally normal to him. I asked him if he had ever kiss a guy he said no.I asked if he have ever have sex with a guy his answer was no.I asked if he feel atraction for guys but he said no. so, I asked why is the he doesn't like sex with a girl? His answer was that he doesn't care about sex (he is only 25?? )i'm 25 as well. And I know that if the answer is yes I am the last person he would tell it. But I just had to ask.
    He may be even be afraid that I will hate or reject him afterward. That it is not the truth. I'm a opend mind person.
    He comes form a good (traditional) family. My guess is the he is afraid to face that he is gay.
    May be he is terrified of his onw feelings. He often repit tha he is just a normal man.
    He is planing on moving with me like in two month. He is olso talking about marriage. He is sure that he wants a wife, kids and a house.to me sex is hugely important in marriage. I don't know if I should break with him before everything gets worse.( it's pretty scary tought.) I LOVE HIM. All I want is to stay true in our relationship.
    Somehow I feel like if he is just jusing me as a cover.
    Ove2u
    Last edited by love2u; Jan 2, 2007 at 09:39 PM.
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    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,667, Reputation: 1706
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    #2

    Jan 2, 2007, 09:39 PM
    All right,

    My wife and I waited a year and a half before we started a sexual relationship. We became friends first. Now we are married and yes, it was lots of fun, but sex is not the most important thing in the relationship. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage. Friendship, Communication, and trust is the key to a good marriage. It sounds like you two might be opposites. If you are planning to be together why do you not talk to him about your concerns? Not jumping the gun about him being gay or questioning him because that will only push him away further. Sex, intercourse. There importance are different for different people. Each persons sex drive is different. Does not mean someone is gay.

    So if you think your going to break it off just because you think sex is more important. You should let him go right now. All your going to be doing is hurting yourself more down the road if you go through with this especially if your doubtful your going to be faithful.

    Joe
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    nomzy's Avatar
    nomzy Posts: 9, Reputation: -4
    New Member
     
    #3

    Jan 2, 2007, 09:41 PM
    Hi... well I am small to give any suggestion to you but...

    From what I understand reading you is that... evn he is not sure about it...

    What I think is you should once again try and ask him about this topic...

    As you both love each other and don't want to lose your relation I think you need to talk

    We cant assume nything unless the guy makes it clear to us or to himself first

    If he is still in a dilemma it not too late to get him to his right place...

    If he has sumthin in mind he should open up...

    Dats all I can say by my understanding...

    Rest depends on u... dont mind of my views

    As I said I am small yet...
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    love2u's Avatar
    love2u Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Jan 3, 2007, 05:20 AM
    [QUOTE=Jesushelper76]All right,

    My wife and I waited a year and a half before we started a sexual relationship. We became friends first. Now we are married and yes, it was lots of fun, but sex is not the most important thing in the relationship. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage. Friendship, Communication, and trust is the key to a good marriage. It sounds like you two might be opposites. If you are planning to be together why do you not talk to him about your concerns? Not jumping the gun about him being gay or questioning him because that will only push him away further. Sex, intercourse. There importance are different for different people. Each persons sex drive is different. Does not mean someone is gay.

    So if you think your going to break it off just because you think sex is more important. You should let him go right now. All your going to be doing is hurting yourself more down the road if you go through with this especially if your doubtful your going to be faithful.

    Joe[/QUOTE


    You are right, communication , and trust is the key to a good marriage. The issue here is that I trusted him.but, because of his behavior when he is around good looking guys is my concern. I understand that he doesn't like sex.I'm been pacient. I love him. The last thing I want to do is to hurt him. All I want it is to stay true.
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    love2u's Avatar
    love2u Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jan 3, 2007, 05:26 AM
    [QUOTE=nomzy]hi... well I am small to give any suggestion to you but...

    From what I understand reading you is that... evn he is not sure about it...

    What I think is you should once again try and ask him about this topic...

    As you both love each other and don't want to lose your relation I think you need to talk

    We cant assume nything unless the guy makes it clear to us or to himself first

    If he is still in a dilemma it not too late to get him to his right place...

    If he has sumthin in mind he should open up...

    Dats all I can say by my understanding...

    Rest depends on u... dont mind of my views

    You got my point. We are doing a lot of talking ( no fating, I'm a opend mind person) what piss me off is that I feel he is not saying the truth.
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    Tuscany's Avatar
    Tuscany Posts: 1,049, Reputation: 229
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    #6

    Jan 3, 2007, 06:22 AM
    Jesushelper is right on this one. Sex is not the most important part of the relationship. Communication and trust is. You should feel comfortable with talking to your boyfriend about your lack of a sex life. Maybe he can give you a reason why sex is not important to him right now. Perhaps there is stress at work, maybe he needs some space. You are jumping to conclusions in thinking that he is gay.

    Then whatever he tells you... you need to trust that he is telling you the truth or your relationship will never work.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #7

    Jan 3, 2007, 07:07 AM


    It seems that you will not believe him anyway since he already told you he wasn't gay. If lack of sex is all you base your suspicions on, you really have nothing then. Keep talking and work it out like mature people. The problem may be yours not his. Hmmm! Communication is the key here. I know you said you've talked about it but if you don't trust him, or believe him, what do you expect from him? I know SEX. Keep talking.
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    love2u's Avatar
    love2u Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Jan 3, 2007, 06:16 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    It seems that you will not believe him anyway since he already told you he wasn't gay. If lack of sex is all you base your suspicions on, you really have nothing then. Keep talking and work it out like mature people. The problem may be yours not his. Hmmm!! Communication is the key here. I know you said you've talked about it but if you don't trust him, or believe him, what do you expect from him? I know SEX. Keep talking.

    Lack of sex it is no all I'm basing my suspisions. Every time we go the gym, he doesn't stop looking at the guys. He is always making coments about how saxy some guys look with the way they dress... ( that's why I started getting about his sex... )
    I shose to be with him 'cause I truly love him. He knows everything about me.hmmm!!

    I know, you guys are right, by saying that love is base on communication and trust.
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    HeatherJean's Avatar
    HeatherJean Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #9

    Jan 5, 2007, 05:31 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by love2u
    I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. We spend really great time whent we are together. At the bigining we tryed to base our relatinship in trust,love and respect.he is funny, sweet and smart. I LOVE HIM and i'm sure that he loves me too. But, our sex life is not good at all. I am always the one that takes the first step. He hugs,kiss and touch me everywhere......yea, he turn me on. but then he just said that he is tired, that just because we don't have sex it doesn't mean that he dosen't love me.(i'm confused) to me sex is something strong that hold a relationship together.
    our relationship is been affected. most of the time we ended up in a discussiom.(i feel insecure) last week. i ask him in a very nice way what does he think about gays and his answered was that he aprove 100% the way gay people live their life and that it's not their fault to be like that. it is totaly normal to him. i asked him if he had ever kiss a guy he said no.i asked if he have ever have sex with a guy his answer was no.i asked if he feel atraction for guys but he said no. so, i asked why is the he doesn't like sex with a girl? his answer was that he doesn't care about sex (he is only 25???)i'm 25 as well. and i know that if the answer is yes i am the last person he would tell it. but i just had to ask.
    he may be even be afraid that i will hate or reject him afterward. that it is not the truth. im a opend mind person.
    he comes form a good (traditional) family. my guess is the he is afraid to face that he is gay.
    may be he is terrified of his onw feelings. he often repit tha he is just a normal man.
    he is planing on moving with me like in two month. he is olso talking about marriage. he is sure that he wants a wife, kids and a house.to me sex is hugely important in marriage. i don't know if i should break with him before everything gets worse.( it's pretty scary tought.) I LOVE HIM. all i want is to stay true in our relationship.
    somehow i feel like if he is just jusing me as a cover.
    ove2u
    If you honestly want my opinion.. I think that Your friend isn't gay, I think that you might not be the one that he wants to spend his life with and he don't even realize it, or he would not be the way he is toward you when it comes to sex.. Maybe you both need to talk about what he wants out of you as far as more than a girlfriend.. and what he expects. And if he is ready to fulfill ALL.. your needs.. not just turning you on
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    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,436, Reputation: 2985
    Expert
     
    #10

    Jan 6, 2007, 05:48 AM


    Hello love:

    I don't think HE'S the point. You like sex. You're not getting it. If you marry this guy, you'll NEVER get it. It doesn't matter WHY he's not giving it to you. What matters, is that you're not getting it.

    Yes, trust is important. Yes, communication is important. But, Sweetheart, if you're not getting laid well, and often, then all that other stuff ain't worth squat!

    excon
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