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    Cjespinosa's Avatar
    Cjespinosa Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 17, 2011, 06:38 AM
    I think my BF is gay. Signs are:
    He's often moody. He's abit sassy. He cares too much about his appearance and has ALL name brand clothes (Abercrombie, AE, etc.). When we have sex I feel sometimes he's not mentally there and its almost like he has to force himself to have an erection. He also loves my rear end and always wants to fondle or perform anal sex on me. He's very inattentive. He forgets when I'm in a room when his "best friends" are around and most of his friends are attractive men. Doesn't help that he's in the military and has told me early on that he was sexually molested when he was 7. I've also noticed how he stands and holds his posture, like placing one hand on his hip, which is a little feminine. I'm thinking he's gay but doesn't want to be. It's not his fault he was molested who knows what kind of psychological effects that may have had on him. Or maybe he's simpky bisexual and doesn't want people to know so he dates me to be under low radar. Idk, but its really getting old for meband I'm at the point of just letting him go for good. Any thoughts on this?
    Cjespinosa's Avatar
    Cjespinosa Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    Aug 17, 2011, 06:59 AM
    Additional details I failed to mention! He has an addiction to alcohol, and marijuana. He's also told me that he snorts cocaine when the opportunity arises which was a huge concern to me. He claims since we dated he's stopped but I don't buy it. His bestfrien "J" is ALWAYS with him. And I noticed a give of jealousy or some sort when is flirt with my boyfriend in front of him. They both seem to be a little on the download to me but J is married with a kid. So I tried not to believe he was gay but the signs are there with him too. And my boyfriend loves to give me oral sex and wants to have unprotected sex only because he wants me to get pregnant which I find strange. Idk I'm all over the place with this guy! Lol
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #3

    Aug 17, 2011, 07:07 AM

    Due to posting restrictions on the Adult Sexuality board, we need your age before we can continue.

    So long as you're answering questions, i.e. how old you both are, I have one simple one:
    Have you asked him?
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #4

    Aug 17, 2011, 07:12 AM

    Hello C:

    From what I read, I don't think you like him. Move on.

    excon
    Cjespinosa's Avatar
    Cjespinosa Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 17, 2011, 07:14 AM
    I am 21 he is 24. I've asked him numerous times on different occasions he just laughs it off or gets offended. And once while folding his laundry I saw boxer briefs that were waaay too small for him and unstretched. I asked him about that too he had no real answer.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #6

    Aug 17, 2011, 07:38 AM

    Here's how you KNOW if someone is gay:

    1. They tell you.
    2. You catch them in bed with a member of the same gender as they are.

    ANYTHING else is speculation.

    Here's how you tell you should get out of a relationship:

    1. You don't trust your boyfriend anymore and make lists of the reasons you think he's gay rather than reasons you'd be happier without him because you don't trust him and his attraction to you.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #7

    Aug 17, 2011, 08:04 AM

    More of the story: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ss-592240.html

    Do you like him? Are you looking for an out? Is excon closer to correct than you want to think? You seem to find fault with just about every part of your boyfriend and have very little good to say about him. I bring this up because you keep playing the break-up/make-up game and expecting everything to be okay between you.

    He uses drugs according to you. That right there is a big libido problem especially cocaine. He has PTSD and is self-medicating (I note you leave out the self-medicating part in the previous thread.)

    My very heterosexual husband sometimes stands with one hand on his hip. It seems to be a habit he picked up while smoking. He doesn't even realize he does it. I never once thought it was effeminate.

    Some men like clothes. Would you say that a woman who dislikes shopping is 'masculine'?

    Some people who have to wear uniforms all the time like having off-duty clothes that look nothing like their work clothes.

    Some men like bottoms and anal sex not because of being homosexual or bisexual, but because they like the feel and tightness. It is like some men are obsessed with breasts.

    You have asked him and he says he isn't. Unless you find him in the act, there is no other way. If you keep asking him over and over again, it is no wonder he gets upset. If he kept asking you if you were a lesbian or cheating on him when you weren't, how would you react?

    You either trust him and work together to build a relationship or you decide this one is too much work and move on.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #8

    Aug 17, 2011, 08:43 AM

    A drug using man, who you think is having sex with me and won't use a condom. ( but of course you can use birth control if you want to)

    He is such a wonderful catch I don't know why they are not lined up for him ( LOL)

    You want a reason to dump him so bad ( but you have dozens by my book) I don't know why you want to be with him. ** unless of course you are a drug user and don't mind being used for sex. But even then most likely you could find someone better to use you.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #9

    Aug 17, 2011, 12:52 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    A drug using man, who you think is having sex with me and won't use a condom. ( but of course you can use birth control if you want to)

    He is such a wonderful catch I don't know why they are not lined up for him ( LOL)

    You want a reason to dump him so bad ( but you have dozens by my book) I don't know why you want to be with him. ** unless of course you are a drug user and don't mind being used for sex. But even then most likely you could find someone better to use you.
    I have to spread the rep so can't give a greenie but that is spot on... I don't see a single positive thing about him from her own description of him, why is she wasting her time on him when there are so many guys out there without the multitude of issues this guy has.

    Not knowing if he's gay or not is the least of the problems he has.

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