My wife and I have been together for going on 5 years now. I am currently in the military and serving a tour in Afghanistan. When I went through Fort Riley, KS, 2 other guys and myself went to an all nude strip club called temptations, this is the very first time I have done something like that since we have been together. It was a spur of the moment decision and I really wasn't thinking. The bad thing is, I tried to hide the fact that I went from my wife and she found out by one of my bank statements in the mail.
My wife has lost all trust in me no matter how long ago it was and how many times I apologize to her. I went home on mid tour leave and we are still extremely sexually active, but she doesn't want to consider what we have a marriage and continues to say things like "she has the most hatred for me than anyone else she knows" and it makes me really upset.
It has been almost a year since the incident and she is still upset about the whole ordeal. I don't know what else to do to make her realize that I am sorry and I don't want to ever do it again because it has caused her so much hurt and anguish.
Yes he's serving his country...whilst his wife stays back home to raise their family. Which is another great service. Does she have needs? She's making an equal sacrafice! And then BAM!honey needs to play cuz let's face it he has needs, right? She has needs to.( I say mommy needs to get out and play while daddys out..and see how daddy feels..but we won't let him know..unless she gets busted.) Its the lie,its the distance between them,and the fact she's tryin to raise THEIR family and do what's right,reguardless of her *needs* otherwise we would be talking to her! I'm extremely insecure and it sounds like she is to.. u knew she would be upset. Sometimes we should sacrafice our own needs for the sake of another..especially if we KNOW they would be hurt. Love is an ACTION not a butterfly stomache.
NO one said she wasn't doing something important too.
But seriously--he went out with the guys for ONE NIGHT, and she's still upset about it a YEAR later? That smacks of either a guilty conscience on her part, or of severe insecurity.
She NEEDS to get over it for the sake of their marriage.
And I know SEVERAL military wives--NONE of them sit at home and languish while their husbands are deployed. They keep busy, and go out with each other, too.
He's tried everything he can think of - I also don't see this is an "always" situation.
She needs to work on herself and stop blaming him - enough already. People have forgiven affairs and out of wedlock children more quickly and easily than this particular wife is forgiving a trip to a strip club.
(I have too much of a legal mind to use "always" and similar words.)
apologies if you disagree but my ex asked me to marry him and three days later left me for a striper, personally if i couldn't forgive my husband for something over a year after it has happened, its not going to happen, unless she is hit hard over the head she wont forget what has happened, if she can't forgive by now i'm afraid it will be on her mind forever, yes if she is planning on staying thn it is her problem that she can not forgive him and she has to deal with that and either leave him and stop all this misery or she needs to find a solution that works for her. everyone is not the same so there is no answer we could give this couple that would help. an its not the trip to the strip club that she is not forgiving, its the fact that he was not upfront about it, so i see it anyway.
There is absolutely nothing at all indication he has done anything wrong....nothing, I see an unreasonable, demanding and controlling woman with issues.
Doesn't matter where in Afghanistan he is....there is a risk. Some places are worse than others but the risk exists everyplace.
Whats different between her getting her panties in a knot about seeing a stripper, and getting her panties in a knot because he had a few beers, "Might" get drunk and chase after women that for the most part don't want anything to do with a non-Muslim American.
For the uninformed...Afganistan is one of those places that almost exclusively practices arranged marriages. That means your parents pick your spouse...you don't. You DON'T have all the women over there dating whomever they want. I know more than a couple who were born and mostly grew up there.
Its NOT a free-for-all that exists in the US and some other countries around military bases. In fact its the polar opposite of what the Phillipines were.
I think its a simple as she uses his choice to keep him off balance, whether its thru her fears and insecurities that come from his deployment, or as a control point. Doesn't matter unless she lets it go to relieve the tensions, and deal with it in a positive way for them both.
A year is a long time to have a resentment, and not deal with it.
apologies if you disagree but my ex asked me to marry him and three days later left me for a striper, personally if i couldn't forgive my husband for something over a year after it has happened, its not going to happen, unless she is hit hard over the head she wont forget what has happened, if she can't forgive by now i'm afraid it will be on her mind forever, yes if she is planning on staying thn it is her problem that she can not forgive him and she has to deal with that and either leave him and stop all this misery or she needs to find a solution that works for her. everyone is not the same so there is no answer we could give this couple that would help. an its not the trip to the strip club that she is not forgiving, its the fact that he was not upfront about it, so i see it anyway.
He didn't LEAVE her for anyone. He went to a strip club. He wasn't even "smart" enough not to use a charge card to pay for it.
Sorry your husband left you for a stripper but I don't see the relevance. He could have left you for a schoolteacher.
Other than enjoying punishing him, why, in this situation, is the wife staying?
I understand she is upset and all cause all Woman hate the fact that THEIR man was checking some other bimbos out. and I understand why you would hide it...because you obviously know Wife plus stripper is never a good conclusion. It was just a mistake on your part and she really needs to get over it. It's not as if your out there in Afghanistan cheating on her or she saw a charge to some dead in motel. While she's here doing god knows what...right? (not trying to make you paranoid) I think you need to go to some kind of couples counseling or have her go to counseling on her own to get over spilt milk.
Why do you think stripper equates bimbo? By definition, bimbos are uneducated, undereducated women. I'm sure there are strippers out there who would rather be doing something else but need to support their families.
And blaming the "victim," the wife by questioning what she's doing when he's gone is really unnecessary and inflammatory in my eyes.
Again - I think it's all been said. Time to close.
I would just like to point out that there's a difference between education and intelligence. A bimbo or bimba (male bimbo) can have a college degree and a conventional job.
How does someone end up as a stripper single mother? I'm inclined to by sympathetic even if I don't like the business itself. I think a lot of kids grow up in situations that lead them into situations where they feel they have very few choices in terms of survival. If I'd had a kid at 17, I know my widowed father would have let me live with him and even helped me take care of the baby. Not every kid has that kind of support.
Anyway, I seriously doubt that the average intelligence of the audience in a strip club is higher than that of the performers. I'd be amazed if it was.
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