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My wife and I have been together for going on 5 years now. I am currently in the military and serving a tour in Afghanistan. When I went through Fort Riley, KS, 2 other guys and myself went to an all nude strip club called temptations, this is the very first time I have done something like that since we have been together. It was a spur of the moment decision and I really wasn't thinking. The bad thing is, I tried to hide the fact that I went from my wife and she found out by one of my bank statements in the mail.
My wife has lost all trust in me no matter how long ago it was and how many times I apologize to her. I went home on mid tour leave and we are still extremely sexually active, but she doesn't want to consider what we have a marriage and continues to say things like "she has the most hatred for me than anyone else she knows" and it makes me really upset.
It has been almost a year since the incident and she is still upset about the whole ordeal. I don't know what else to do to make her realize that I am sorry and I don't want to ever do it again because it has caused her so much hurt and anguish.
Honestly, I think it's fine for a guy to go to a strip club! My boyfriend and I sometimes for fun. It does bother me when he goes and I'm not there because he spends so much money. It makes a woman feel like they cant do it for you. I told my boyfriend that I can be his personal stripper and he liked that a lot better. It just makes them feel like they arent as good as those girls. But you got to see it from her point of view. FORGIVE BUT DONT FORGET one quote i hate but i still live by.
Disagree - I don't think it makes ALL women feel like they "don't do it for" their man. As I said, I don't have a problem with strip clubs but I'm not easily threatened by other women.
As far as forgive but don't forget - if this woman can't move on, then it's time to end the relationship. I wouldn't want to pay penance forever and/or hear about it every day.
I thought he said they were getting along fine as long as they weren't talking about it and he was the one who wanted forgiveness and didn't feel like he was getting enough of that. Did I miss something?
More about the strip club and the lie. It was the whole reasoning as to why I felt I needed to go to the strip club as if I thought she wasn't good enough. I keep telling her over and over again that it was a one time ordeal. She doesn't believe anything I say because I am so far away and she can't see what I am doing on a daily basis.
You got it, the reason i would say she would be mad would be the feeling that she is not good enough for you, you obviously do not need her (in her mind anyway), you need to find a way to let her know that she is what you need and you couldn't possibly need anything that she couldn't give you. it will always hurt her nothing can be done about that.
You got it, the reason i would say she would be mad would be the feeling that she is not good enough for you, you obviously do not need her (in her mind anyway), you need to find a way to let her know that she is what you need and you couldn't possibly need anything that she couldn't give you. it will always hurt her nothing can be done about that.
He's tried everything he can think of - I also don't see this is an "always" situation.
She needs to work on herself and stop blaming him - enough already. People have forgiven affairs and out of wedlock children more quickly and easily than this particular wife is forgiving a trip to a strip club.
(I have too much of a legal mind to use "always" and similar words.)
I worked for a few strip clubs outside of a military base (Ft Bragg NC) for a few years when I was stationed there. My best friend was head of security for a chain and I filled in when he had staffing shortages.
Yes, all sorts of nasty and illegal things go on at strip clubs. Some of them even involve the customers, although rarely. I also went to college and I assure you, the same things go on there. I went to a Jimmy Buffett concert... same things. Beach Party in Daytona... yup...
My point is that the strip club is irrelavant. She thinks you are cheating on her. And if she doesnt believe you arent... time to find a woman worthy of you and your seemingly good self. Yes, I get that you have a daughter... but Dr Phil has a great quote: "A child would rather be from a broken home than in one".
He's tried everything he can think of - I also don't see this is an "always" situation.
She needs to work on herself and stop blaming him - enough already. People have forgiven affairs and out of wedlock children more quickly and easily than this particular wife is forgiving a trip to a strip club.
(I have too much of a legal mind to use "always" and similar words.)
Enough already - absolutely! What happened to forgiveness and compromise?
None and I mean NONE of us are perfect. Life is about understanding that at times we do things in our relationships that hurt the other person - but our love for each other helps us move beyond that point and grow.
Note the word 'grow'. Someone that holds on to something for a year is not interested in growth. They are interested in punishing the other person.
Enough already - absolutely! What happened to forgiveness and compromise?
None and I mean NONE of us are perfect. Life is about understanding that at times we do things in our relationships that hurt the other person - but our love for each other helps us move beyond that point and grow.
Note the word 'grow'. Someone that holds on to something for a year is not interested in growth. They are interested in punishing the other person.
Yes he's serving his country...whilst his wife stays back home to raise their family. Which is another great service. Does she have needs? She's making an equal sacrafice! And then BAM!honey needs to play cuz let's face it he has needs, right? She has needs to.( I say mommy needs to get out and play while daddys out..and see how daddy feels..but we won't let him know..unless she gets busted.) Its the lie,its the distance between them,and the fact she's tryin to raise THEIR family and do what's right,reguardless of her *needs* otherwise we would be talking to her! I'm extremely insecure and it sounds like she is to.. u knew she would be upset. Sometimes we should sacrafice our own needs for the sake of another..especially if we KNOW they would be hurt. Love is an ACTION not a butterfly stomache.
My initial reaction: she's putting the guilt on your shoulders to take it off of her own because she hasn't been honest with you, and a strip club named Temptations is a perfect excuse.
No reasonable person would act this way. Something ain't right.
My initial reaction: she's putting the guilt on your shoulders to take it off of her own because she hasn't been honest with you, and a strip club named Temptations is a perfect excuse.
No reasonable person would act this way. Something ain't right.
You don't think a reasonable person would be upset because her husband went to a strip club and lied about it?
I question the extent of the upset and why she's so insecure about herself but that's another topic.
Maybe it's time to close this thread. Nothing constructive is being added.
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