Originally Posted by lovergirl247
I was at a friends today...and I told her that I can't honestly think of any reason why I love this man. I actually told her I don't think I do. He didn't come home last night and worst of all he has my car. I was going to drive the hour and 15 mins to his work and get it but I have no money to put gas in the vehicle he left me with. I can't tolerate this behavior anymore. I have given and given so much and all he ever does is take. He gets so drunk that he complains he is sick and expects me to wait on him hand and foot.
I keep falling victim to him saying things like..."Honey, I am so sorry for what I did, I really love you". I get drawn right back in thinking it will change this time. I am scared really. He is a ticking time bomb and I am being blamed for him blowing up every time. I can't breathe without fearing it will set him off. I believe he has a disorder NPD...Narsissitic Personality disorder. I was reading up on this and he fits more than most of the questions they asked. I do rely on him financially right now. So I also fear not being able to make it right now with out his income. I am right now lost and feeling very alone. How can anyone do this to another human being? It hurts so much!!
Maybe you can not afford to move out right now, but you can afford to behave in a way that dignifies YOURSELF. First, quit thinking you are going to lose him. You don't have him. That train already left the station. I don't think you "love him" either. I think you are addicted to him, like you need his attention to make your existence worth while. You don't. You are a person in your own right. No body can treat you better than you have the ability to treat yourself..
Is your car, really YOUR car or just the one that you drive. If it is your car, forbid him from it and if he takes it without your permission, call the police. That is theft. Don't go out of your way to be Ms. Bad A$$ but where you have rights, make sure you take them. I hope you do not wait on him hand and foot when he is sick from being drunk. You have neglected yourself way too long and to cater to his self made illness is not your job. If he was honestly sick, you should do what you can to help because that is what self respecting nice people do. Self induced?? Sorry Charlie, you are on your own.
This is a time to make WISE decisions. Carefully think out what you are going to do. Save your money, prepare to leave, don't waste your money on him for any reason. If you had put gas in that car to drive 1 hour 15 min to just get your car, you would have wasted your time and money. So, I'm glad you were not able to do that. When you get your car back, take all your keys and hide them. I don't know if he is abusive physically or not, but it would not be a bad idea to have an emergency bag packed with an extra car key in it, in case he takes your key from you physically. Also, have a back up plan as to where to go in an emergency.
You have no reason to apologize to him for anything and to tell him "Honey, I love you" should not come out of your mouth. It just disrespects your own self even more. I know what I'm saying is harsh and hurtful but I just feel so strongly that I want better for a fellow human, that I need to be perfectly clear. I feel your pain. I really do. I don't think there is one of us that doesn't know how it feels to be scared, worried, hurt, lonely or depressed. YOU WILL SURVIVE and you will learn, and you will be surprised at what you can achieve. Show yourself what you are made of and then revel in the glory.
You are not all alone, we are here as your sounding board and hopefully to: help you hold your head high and do what you need to do. I don't know how someone could treat another so badly either but you know what? Doesn't matter. It is what it is, and you don't have to deal with it, you just have to deal with you. And there lies your power.