My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years and we have two kids together. In the beginning the sex was good but lately i haven't been much into it. I think it is because I am not being turne-on. It's always give it a kiss, get on top. Obviously because he is a guy he is more horny than I but it is not fair for him to get mad at me because I am not in the mood. I try to tell him all the time it's the little things you do (during the day/around the house for me) that turns me on. All I can think about is what he did to me when we are in bed. I have to do all household chores; (cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of our boys and SEX). Why does this go through ny head? It's sex!! I love sex but he turns me OFF!!! |
it is always when he wants it and how he wants it. I want
compassion, intimacy (touching and grabbing); kissing my neck; blowing in my ear; grabbing my tits. His excuse is, "IT's ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!!" He says, "ALL I DO IS JUST LAY THERE LIKE I AM HIS F'N DILDO. apparently I never move during sex but he confuses me on positions. He always wants to compare me to porn. I HATE PORN! at least with him. I cannot do what they do?
WHY DOESN'T HE GET IT?
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??
WHY DOES HE ALWAYS CHANGE EVERYTHING TO MY FAULT??
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE ALMOST NAKED WHEN HE STILL WEARS SHIRTS AND PULLS HIS PENIS OUT THE HOLE OF UNDERWEAR??
Please help me--
How old are your children? Was he more romantic before the children?
You say that sex used to be good until lately. Has he always been 'selfish' about getting his needs met? Has he always ignored your needs? What happens if you tell him you aren't in the mood? What happens if you say 'no, not tonight'?
I think she may mean that men are generally quicker to get in the mood than women are.
I, too, think you need to talk with your fiancé when sex isn't expected and not in the bedroom. If needed, search AMHD for 'female arousal'. Let him read the advice we have given to other couples about how arousal works in women.
Most of it boils down to:
1. Women take time to become aroused. Arousal begins in the mind and the body follows.
2. Distractions, including our own thoughts, can keep us from being in the mood.
3. If we are treated like masturbatory aids, then we will respond like one. If we are mentally and physically stimulated, then we will respond with passion.
4. If he wants to compare you to porn or do what they do, point out that they have multiple takes and everything including the climaxes are faked. He really should watch some behind the scenes footage and outtakes. Reality is not kind to porn.
He is already defensive that is why he is putting it all back on you. You need to ask him why. I agree you shouldn't yell at him, but I do think you need to be blunt and to the point.
Quite frankly, I agree with the advice to not have sex with him if your needs are being ignored. If he is treating you like a blow-doll, then he really can't complain if that is how you respond. However, you can say 'no'. You can tell him that you aren't comfortable or you are confused about what he wants. You can tell him no intercourse until you are ready.
Do you have a wedding date set or is your engagement a promise to talk about marriage later?