[toast123]

Right, where do I start. I have been with my 18 yr old girlfriend for nearly 8 months now (I am 19), and am in love with her. She says she loves me too. It's a long distance relationship, I am at uni about 5 hours away. I met her last summer then decided to start dating her after I arrived at uni! I make regular trips down to see her every couple of weeks and we are pretty much in constant contact. I call her every day and text her throughout the day. I spent the last 2 weeks at home and saw her regularly till she went on holiday with her friends to ibiza for 5 days. I then saw her before I came back to uni to do my exams, which I am in the middle of now.

The trouble is this morning she said that she isn't sure about things and needs space. She gave me a few reasons. Firstly she thinks I am too clingy. She's never mentioned this before but I can see where she's coming from, my phone bill is proof enough. I had a great first term at uni and I was enjoying going out and generally meeting new people and keeping myself busy. I also acted fairly uninterested in her and would take sometimes hours to return her text messages. I did think about breaking up with her as I wanted to enjoy the lifestyle uni had to offer, mainly easy access to meeting lots of new girls. However I stuck with her through the xmas holidays as she made me feel guilty about dumping her before the first xmas without her nan who died that year. It was then, after spending more time with her, that I fell in love with her. After that I feel like she's had me whipped ever since. I have also realised that my clinginess probably results from me having lots of free time on my hands. I didn't join any clubs at the start of the year and find myself sitting round bored half the time. This is when I pick up my phone and start texting her.

She also says that she feels like she's missing out on things like going clubbing and that sort of thing. I think that going to ibiza made her realise this. She also says she doesn't want to hold me back from these things too. She says that she feels she isn't making the most of being 18 and feels that she's changed from the girl she used to be before she met me. She was really social, going out with friends all the time. I know that she has calmed down since she has been with me but I figured that's what she wanted. She does say that she doesn't miss getting with other guys, but just the lifestyle she had.

I have to admit I have also changed since I've been with her. I think leaving home for university probably had a lot to do with it, but I have given up doing stuff when I'm home to spend time with her. Basically we both feel that we have lost who we are, or were as a result of this relationship. It has been intense recently and I think this is probably the cause of her bringing it up.

I really don't want to lose this girl, I know we're both young with our lives ahead of us, but I really love her. And I think she feels the same. I am going home after my exams this weekend for summer and I'm going round to chat to her on Monday. I am going to try to convince her that we don't need to end things. But that some time apart may be necessary to find ourselves again. Then hopefully we can get back together. I believe that if I keep myself busy (as I plan to over the summer) then I will be able to think about her less and as a result will be less clingy. But for the next few days I think she wants space. After reading a few threads I think I've made a grave error as I sent her a letter telling her how I feel, and how I'm going to do things differently in order to make us both happier but still together.

Sorry that this is such a long question but I really need to revise for my exams right now so would appreciate any words of advice. Do you think that time apart will help us to become happier in ourselves, and would this help our relationship?

Thanks x

[mckenzie134]

TOO CLINGY! That's the reason

Lay low for a while mate!!

Take it EASY

Don't call her for a bit wait to she calls you keep it short if she does tell her your going out to catch up with some friends.

You have to get her interest back up let her wonder what your ding..

You mentioned you wernt doing much so you picked up the phone NEVER do that WAY TO CLINGY!!

Even if your not busy pretend your busy...

Just don't call for a while

[talaniman]

I think you both are growing into your own, and are changing. Distance is hard on a relationship, and texts are not the same as face to face, and even the most mature people have problems maintaining long distance relationships. The space she needs and so do you will allow you both to grow without the pressure of trying to be together through time and distance. Give her what she wants as that's what she needs now, and so do you. Sometimes that's what change and growing is all about. Doing things you might not want to.

[kirriky]

First of all, I don't think she wants to break up with you. She just wants to feel free to go out and have fun with her mates. Tell her you understand, and that its completely OK, and that you plan on doing the same thing. That dating doesn't mean spending all days together.

Get yourself busy. You simply can't have enough time to stay with her all day long and get bored together. Try seeing her not more than 2 - 3 times a week. Get involved in any activities that could interest you. Go out each with his/her own friends, go clubbing, swimming, whatever. Above all, have fun and stay busy.

If you see each other less, you'll spend more quality time together. Make sure you two get to miss each other.

Good luck

[glavine]

Here Is The Main Problem Your Both Young And This Is Just Part Of Growing Up. You Both Still Need To Date A lot, At College Your Going To See Everything You Didn't Know Existed, And Your Not Going To Want To Miss Any Of It. No Regrets,
If She Needs Space Give It To Her. And Yea You Probably Talking A Little Too much,
There's A Song, Hold On Loosely But Don't Let Her Go. 38 Special, Listen To That,

[toast123]

first of all, i don't think she wants to break up with you. she just wants to feel free to go out and have fun with her mates. tell her you understand, and that its completely ok, and that you plan on doing the same thing. that dating doesnt mean spending all days together.

get yourself busy. you simply can't have enough time to stay with her all day long and get bored together. try seeing her not more than 2 - 3 times a week. get involved in any activities that could interest you. go out each with his/her own friends, go clubbing, swimming, whatever. above all, have fun and stay busy.

if you see each other less, you'll spend more quality time together. make sure you two get to miss each other.

good luck

Thanks to all of you who replied. It did help. We met today and it was awkward at first, but once we got chatting we both seemed to open up. kirriky I am in total agreement with u, and that's what I tried to get across to her today, I think I got through. Anyway, we decided that we're not going to completely split up, but we're going to rewind all the way back to the start and take things much slower this time, but with the extra bonus of being fck buddies :D lol. We are just taking away the commitment for now. Things couldn't have worked out better, we are both getting what we need, the time and space to ourselves, and we're also getting to see each other and have each other in our lives. Life seems to be on the up again. Awesome!! X

[toast123]

Just to anyone that is interested, it took about 6 weeks but I finally got my girlfriend back. She told me I am the one she knew she would end up with. :D

Cheers

[La Siesta Encantada]

right, where do i start. i have been with my 18 yr old girlfriend for nearly 8 months now (i am 19), and am in love with her. she says she loves me too. it's a long distance relationship, i am at uni about 5 hours away. i met her last summer then decided to start dating her after i arrived at uni! i make regular trips down to see her every couple of weeks and we are pretty much in constant contact. i call her every day and text her throughout the day. i spent the last 2 weeks at home and saw her regularly till she went on holiday with her friends to ibiza for 5 days. i then saw her before i came back to uni to do my exams, which i am in the middle of now.

the trouble is this morning she said that she isn't sure about things and needs space. she gave me a few reasons. firstly she thinks i am too clingy. shes never mentioned this before but i can see where shes coming from, my phone bill is proof enough. i had a great first term at uni and i was enjoying going out and generally meeting new people and keeping myself busy. i also acted fairly uninterested in her and would take sometimes hours to return her text messages. i did think about breaking up with her as i wanted to enjoy the lifestyle uni had to offer, mainly easy access to meeting lots of new girls. however i stuck with her through the xmas holidays as she made me feel guilty about dumping her before the first xmas without her nan who died that year. it was then, after spending more time with her, that i fell in love with her. after that i feel like shes had me whipped ever since. i have also realised that my clinginess probably results from me having lots of free time on my hands. i didn't join any clubs at the start of the year and find myself sitting round bored half the time. this is when i pick up my phone and start texting her.

she also says that she feels like shes missing out on things like going clubbing and that sort of thing. i think that going to ibiza made her realise this. she also says she doesn't want to hold me back from these things too. she says that she feels she isnt making the most of being 18 and feels that shes changed from the girl she used to be before she met me. she was really social, going out with friends all the time. i know that she has calmed down since she has been with me but i figured thats what she wanted. she does say that she doesn't miss getting with other guys, but just the lifestyle she had.

i have to admit i have also changed since i've been with her. i think leaving home for university probably had a lot to do with it, but i have given up doing stuff when im home to spend time with her. basically we both feel that we have lost who we are, or were as a result of this relationship. it has been intense recently and i think this is probably the cause of her bringing it up.

i really dont want to lose this girl, i know we're both young with our lives ahead of us, but i really love her. and i think she feels the same. i am going home after my exams this weekend for summer and im going round to chat to her on monday. i am going to try to convince her that we don't need to end things. but that some time apart may be necessary to find ourselves again. then hopefully we can get back together. i believe that if i keep myself busy (as i plan to over the summer) then i will be able to think about her less and as a result will be less clingy. but for the next few days i think she wants space. after reading a few threads i think iv made a grave error as i sent her a letter telling her how i feel, and how im gonna do things differently in order to make us both happier but still together.

sorry that this is such a long question but i really need to revise for my exams right now so would appreciate any words of advice. do you think that time apart will help us to become happier in ourselves, and would this help our relationship?

thanks x

That is great but now you need to give her the space she wants and needs and you need to go out and have fun and do your thing to. Those are the things that keep people in a relationship sane. And remember the old saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder."