[soccer78]

Hey guys,

Just looking for some input. I have been dating my girlfriend for sometime now. I really care about her a lot. However, as I have gotten to know her I have found that she is a down to earth, kind hearted person, strong willed and independent. However despite this she appears to feel very insecure about herself and I know that she often states that she thinks she isn't that interesting and unappealing, despite being what I and most people would think is an extremely attractive woman (blonde, great figure etc.). In my company however, she never admitts this... and I can understand why. However, I notice that any time I try to pay her a small compliment (genuinely so) that she deflects it with a negative remark about herself, or just changes the subject altogether. I suppose that patience is the key and that I am only too willing to be, but I do feel a little bit useless at times in the relationship in that I want to tell her more how I feel about her and how fantastic she is. I think that a lot of it stems from a bad experiences in a past relationship/relationships, but I don't want to pry at this point, but I feel I have to do something at some point to get her to open up.

I just wanted to know has anyone ever had any similar experiences and how did you deal with wonderful, but insecure women?

[Chris50]

Everyone in the world, at some time, has had feelings of inadequacies, low self esteem,etc.. either induced by a relationship, the media or societal perception. She may have fallen victim to those false notions along the way, either through a bad relationship, parental criticism or comments "friends" have made in the past. Glamour Magazine and GQ can make us all feel as if we ran through the ugly forest and hit every tree. But it's not reality. My advice... just be yourself.. if she is beautiful tell her,show her... but also compliment her about her intelligence, her compassion, her laughter and how good she makes you feel. Find your common ground and enjoy that connection. In time, and if this is the real deal (love), she will open up and maybe tell you something about herself that you don't know. It might not seem like a big deal to you but LISTEN to what she has to say. Again, be a great listener. But don't force the issue.. and don't call her "insecure", just by you saying that might validate what others have already said to her... just treat her like a queen and be the type of man that she needs and can depend on to take care of her and her feelings. Good luck...

[gypsy456]

Patience seems the key here...

It may come from a past relationship or something that happened in her childhood, who knows... Insecurity can be caused by many things.

As a woman myself I would say... be patient, continue to pay her compliments and let her feel emotionally safe. That's key for -well for any person- but probably a lot for (insecure) women.

Good luck

[gypsy456]

Everyone in the world, at some time, has had feelings of inadequacies, low self esteem,etc..either induced by a relationship, the media or societal perception. She may have fallen victim to those false notions along the way, either through a bad relationship, parental criticism or comments "friends" have made in the past. Glamour Magazine and GQ can make us all feel as if we ran through the ugly forest and hit every tree. But it's not reality. My advice...just be yourself..if she is beautiful tell her,show her...but also compliment her about her intelligence, her compassion, her laughter and how good she makes you feel. Find your common ground and enjoy that connection. In time, and if this is the real deal (love), she will open up and maybe tell you something about herself that you don't know. It might not seem like a big deal to you but LISTEN to what she has to say. Again, be a great listener. But don't force the issue ..and don't call her "insecure", just by you saying that might validate what others have already said to her ....just treat her like a queen and be the type of man that she needs and can depend on to take care of her and her feelings. Good luck.....

Excellent!

[templelane]

Personally I never know how to respond to compliments and usually say that they aren't true/ deflect like your girlfriend does. I feel like I am too immodest if I agree 'oh yes I am brilliant,' Perhaps it is as much shyness/ not knowing what to say as insecurity.

It doesn't mean I don't like to hear compliments. I bet she loves it when you say nice things to her as well, even when she doesn't show it.

Whatever the reason I think you should just continue to be lovely to her, they'll get through even if it doesn't seem that way.

[AW805]

I wouldn't pin it totally on insecurity. It could be she gets enough compliments or attention already from her physical beauty and would like to be complimented more on other aspects of herself. Not all beautiful women need to hear how beautiful they are.