[talaniman]

Relax, porn is like a football game on TV, but he can score with the porn. Don't take it personally. That's just how some guys spend their alone time.

[caramb22]

All in all, usually porn for a guy is just a personal and selfish (in a good way) of reaching orgasm by themselves.

This sentiment is only valid in a relationship of low commitment. In a devoted relationship, there is no "selfish in a good way." Every action matters, whether you like it or not. If you're not ready to sacrifice for the other person, then get lost.

I recently went through this situation. I am two years in and engaged. My fiancée goes through bouts of looking at porn. Rather, he has looked at it throughout our relationship, but that has been punctuated with the occasional breakdown I have when I find out he's still looking at it. I wish that he could walk in my shoes for one day and understand what I feel like. All men would benefit from this. My reaction--the reaction most women have--is not entirely rational, but it has deep roots in our biology.

The last time I found out my fiancée was neck-deep in porn again was a few days ago. I get a raw, burning sensation in my stomach every time I think about it. Perhaps I didn't handle it the best way, but the truth is that we never talk about it; I just get upset, he realizes why I'm upset, and we both hope the problem goes away. So this time I wrote him a letter. Lame, I know, but here's an excerpt: "We are naturally predisposed to crave what is in short supply: sugar, salt, and sex. In our society, these things have become more readily available, but our brains haven’t caught up with our stomachs. That’s why we have fat asses, high blood pressure, and neurotic girlfriends. Just because it’s there doesn’t mean you have to partake of it."

[Ash123]

Fair enough.
But if he loves you and wants to have sex with you often I would really not worry.
You are not being replaced... why don't you watch with him one time?
In exchange for not watching it alone?

Just a thought...
My last GF embraced all things sexual and believed if it feels good - do it.
I was in your shoes... I can tell you it was disconcerting.
But as an insight into the male psyche: I miss her more than anyone I've dated in a while. (I broke it off because she was not ready yet.)

[Gofercakes]

Honestly its just a natural thing while your away it's a natural thing to want to explore... I woulndt worry about it I loved my girlfriend to death but I still watched porn to be completely blunt with you I just felt awkward thinking about her sexually while she wasn't around I would have never taken any girl in a video over her trust me on that I'm sure he feels the same especially since most of the reason he's doing it is probably just because your away

[kp2171]

Here's how stupid we men are about visual stimulation and the idea of the forbidden.

I can see my wife naked right now if I want to. Well, probably. She might ask me what the hell but the point is its common for me to see her naked at some point on most days. If I'm lucky, its up close and personal.

But one of my turn ons is seeing her in the shower. Not uncommon for her to shower with the door to the bedroom open and its easy to see a little skin where the curtain doesn't close tight against the wall. Absolutely love it. Drives me mad. Even though I can and sometimes do join her, it's a rush to see the flashes of skin when I'm in the other room.

It's a voyeur instinct.

Now... if I were just to wait another 15 minutes I could see her completely naked, walking toward me. And yes, that does turn me on. But there is something different about the idea of seeing something you aren't "supposed" to.

Likewise, I had a previous partner who took tantilizing pics of herself and would give them to me. Loved it. Killer turn on. Even though I could see her in person naked, the pics pushed it up a notch.

So we are visual creatures. I'm not going to try to justify it or try to make it OK for you. You aren't comfortable, that's you prerogative. But never, ever, ever... EVER... when I've seen a woman that stimulated my mind sexually, either in person or some form of media, did I ever think "man i wish my partner looked like that"...

It isn't about comparing. Its just about the seeing.

Again, not trying to say all porn is fine. You decide what you want to live with and what the standards are.

But... when women start saying they feel inadequate, it hits a nerve with me. I understand the statement, but I think most men, again, aren't comparing. They are just looking.

[Synnen]

You know...

I'd like to know when the women who are uncomfortable with porn would just realize that it's the male version of a romance novel.

[talaniman]

Women love romance/ soap operas, Men love raw and unedited.

[smoothy]

You know...

I'd like to know when the women who are uncomfortable with porn would just realize that it's the male version of a romance novel.

Got to admit, that's a perfect analogy.

[stacicastle78]

Cause it's the truth.

[SuzyQ5ft2]

Are you kidding me?? Women (most) lack the sex drive that most men want and need... You have no concept of how much frustration and desire lie within' a man when he is in need of some lovin' ... Lets put it like this... MOST men look at porn to stimulate themselves (as I do) in times of the significant other not being around to stimulate us..... Most likely its because you ladies are at work or we get one of those "i'm not in the mood or i'm tired" excuses...... There is nothing more to it then that... Nothing to be jealous over... So the answer is simple, either make your man happy and f**k his brains out more then he can imagine (no more porn) or quit complaining...

I agree that most men look at porn and there usually is nothing wrong with it, especially if the man's sex drive is more than his partners. But in my case it's the reverse. My sex drive is far greater than my boyfriends and so when I find out that he's watching TONS of porn then I feel like I've been robbed of a normal healthy sex life. Everytime I initiate he says I'm too focused on sex and that shouldn't be the most important thing. It isn't (until you're not getting it). Love is the most important thing to me, but all the more reason to have good sex with the one you love. I have nothing against porn, but our best sex is stimulated by porn and he is having a great deal of trouble getting aroused just by me (I think because he has to have the porn and almost prefers sex for one because he doesn't have to please a partner.)

We have been dating a year and a half............we have sex maybe once a week (if I initiate..........if I didn't, we wouldn't have sex at all). He is very loving and affectionate, loves to touch and cuddle......his touch drives me wild, but when I respond, he rolls over and goes to sleep. Or says he wants to go down and get on the computer. When we first started dating and for the first 6 months we were having sex 4 or more times a week.

Frustrating.

[melissa0819]

It is not u... don't ever think that. He may be addicted like my boyfriend it... or he could be just like every other guy in the usa. It sounds like the first time I looked at my boyfriends history.. I was 3 months pregnant so I thought it was because that but it wasn't... its like crack for a crack head. If he's anything like my boyfriend then the only way is professional help... or you just have 2 live with it... I

[kp2171]

Remember to watch the thread dates when posting.

The OP is from nearly a year ago, and the poster hasn't been back here in some time. Something to consider when adding new comments.

This doesn't mean new advice is wrong... as long as its an open thread, its fair game... just means you might be spending time on a thread that has long since been resolved, when that energy might be better put toward a current thread with a person who is present and needing help now. Just something to consider when posting.

I tend to look at this because I'm long winded, my answers are as detailed as I can think to do reasonably for the thread... and then after all that work the original poster doesn't even see it. Sometimes ill still post if I feel something new needs to be added for others who will see that thread when searching the forums, like you did.

I just did a similar thing yesterday... gave two or three people "agrees" for advice on a post that was a year old and the poster hadn't been back at all. Oops.

[Synnen]

<thread closed for dates and because there are several OTHER posts about boyfriends/husband and porn>