[Synnen]

I think you BOTH have resentments that have NOTHING to do with your sex lives, really---but that's where the frustration is playing out in your lives.

I suggest either having open and honest communication with each other, or getting a marriage counselor.

[liz28]

Maybe your boyfriend ha gotten so comfortable with you supported him and the kids and he doesn't feel like getting a job.

If his kids mother isn't paying her child support that the court orders said then again your boyfriend need to get off his lazy butt and take her back to court.

Your plate right now is too full and your boyfriend isn't a man, sorry to say, because a real man wouldn't put this heavy load on your shoulders. Even if he has work at a fast food place, any job is better than no job especially when you've a family to support.

[MsMewiththat]

I will just say that at what point is enough enough. Really you do deserve better.

And so do all the children, may I add. To answer your question which I never really did, YES you are being cheated on. Cheating isn't only physical. He is giving time and energy to other people and relationships that should be given to his family and his home. He says that you do nothing for "us"... WHAT IS HE DOING? There is such a thing as modeling behavior for your children to pattern their lives after. Would you want this same situation for your daughter? Most likely not. My suggestion to is really to move on to a healthier relationship. One that provides you what you deserve and is closer to what you think is the "norm". It's clear that he isn't interested in working and that he is really comfortable with the livestyle that he has grown accustom to living. If you take away some of his kids the burden is lighter for you. Just a thought!

[shyfoxie]

It wouldn't matter WHAT he was into, this isn't healthy. Even if it was super-plain vanilla chatting, if you feel like he's emotionally or sexually involved elsewhere, of course you'll be unhappy. If he has any interest in this relationship, he needs to HELP MAKE IT WORK!

[Ren6]

You mention that your husband is having online "conversations" with these women. Are these conversations pertaining to his hobby? Is he actually engaging in cyber-sex? Are the kids near by, or could they stumble in on him while this is going on?

If he is engaging in cyber sex with these people, that is cheating. You need to see a marriage counselor, pronto. Please don't put up with this sort of behavior- it sounds like an awful situation. Please keep us posted...

[asking]

But the kids are at school and day care all day, he wants to wait until 6:30 to pick them up when all I want to do is rush to the day care to pick up my son and daughter. We only have one car because I can't afford another vehicle, he claims he can't get a job because of his past but I believe he is using it as a crutch to sit at home all day. The ex wife hasn't paid her child support in a year and is working and had a $300K inheritance from her father and blew it and was foreclosed on her trailer home within a year and blew all of her money partying in NY and taking trips everywhere, she doesn't see the kids, doesn't call...so I am mommy too....

I'm confused. What does he do that is a positive contribution to your family and why are you with him? I was looking for something positive to say about this situation, but now that I see this post, which I missed last week, I'm stumped.

Yes, he's cheating on you. And he's cheating on the implicit contract in a relationship that each party contributes to the well being of the family. If he leaves the kids in daycare for 8 hours a day and doesn't work and doesn't cook, but just indulges his sexual appetites and complains, I can't think of any reason to stay with him except that you have now formed an attachment to his four children. If you dumped him, you'd be way better off financially (since your kids are in school or daycare all day anyway). And I'm guessing you'd have less work to do when you got home at night with four fewer kids and you wouldn't have to deal with his complaining and his "interests."

Where's the upside to staying? What's to love in this guy?

PS. I would just put up for consideration the possibility that the ex wife is not as bad as he's been making her out to be. What do you think he says about you to other people?

[asking]

And his whining that you don't do enough for HIM is beyond belief. You are supporting his five children and him (plus another child) and doing the second shift at night as well. You must have a lot of energy! I feel tired just thinking about it.