[DPP29]

I have no problem getting hard for sex, but about 5 minutes into the sex I go soft and can't get hard again, even though I still want to have sex. Sometimes I go soft because I think that I'm not performing well enough, other times I feel the orgasm coming but I try to hold it in, and when I do I feel a sharp pain shoot back inside me and it makes me go soft. Then there's times when I go soft and I have no idea why because I'm still horny, I just can't stay hard. I'm very attracted to my girlfriend so I know that's not the problem. Does anyone know what can be causing this or has anyone experienced a similar problem?

BTW I am 19 years old.

[fireandice2007]

It sounds to me like this may be partially due to nerves. If you have doubts about your abilities, it is going to make it difficult to stay erect. And if you try to stop an orgasm, you may just lose it completely instead of delaying it. You say you are attracted to your girlfriend, so I would say that I think this may be a psychological or emotional problem more than anything. Try relaxing and not stressing over your abilities. If you act confident, your abilities will increase. Try to not fight the orgasm. Many men can have multiple orgasms, it may just take them a few min to recuperate. I don't know if this has been any help, but I tried@@@

[Synnen]

You need to talk to your doctor about this.

If you are having pain from intercourse, that's a problem.

There are also a LOT of medical issues that can cause a man to lose his erection. Talk to your doctor about it as soon as possible.

[DPP29]

Thanks for the advice. I've tried controlling it but I think something might be wrong with me, so I'm going to talk to my doctor. Does anyone else have any idea what might be causing this?

[Choux]

It is very unusual for a horny, 19 year old guy to go soft for physical reasons! Young guys are sex machines, by design!

I can think of a couple of reasons, psychological reasons, for you having some problems maintaining an erection.

First of all, there is no reason why a man has to maintain an erection while copulating more than three to five minutes. A man doesn't have all the responsibility for making an enjoyable orgasmic encounter... a woman has half the responsibility. She has to develop her own potential and not demand lengthy stroking from a man. A man wants to enjoy spontaneity and the drive to orgasm, not have to control himself all the time. Continuing the present sexual practice with your girlfriend may have negative consequences going forward.

Secondly, perhaps your girlfriend is good looking, but that is all she has to offer? I don't know. Maybe, you need a few good wild sessions that don't last more than 10 - 15 minutes so you can get back on a more natural track.

I think you may want to talk about this with an expert... a sex therapist. Go to your physician first -talk about physical feelings.. then get a referral to a therapist to talk about you emotional feelings. :)


Best wishes going forward,

[Synnen]

I dunno---I LIKE extended sexual sessions, some of them longer than 3-5 minutes of intercourse. It makes me feel more connected to my husband, and he says the same about it.

Not everyone thinks that it should only be a couple minutes long.

As a matter of fact---MOST women want more than 3-5 minutes of intercourse. So---learning to control himself IS important, or would be if this were an issue of premature ejaculation. Sounds to me like it's something else.

Ruling out the physical FIRST is important. After that, it could go in several directions, including the subconcious fear of pregnancy, the self-perpetuating prophecy of the idea that it happened ONCE coming back to haunt you, childhood sexual trauma on YOUR part, whatever. Sex IS 90% mental--but it's VERY important to rule out any medical issue FIRST.

[justusr]

DPP,

For some reason my answer to this disappeared.
Did I post any adult-links?.

The solution for you is:
Just search for pubococcygeus muscle, or simply "pc muscle"
In any search engine and you will find the
Way to train your sexual power.

You can also talk to a doctor about that asking about
PC muscle. – If it's a good doctor he will tell you excactly
What you can do. – However, you can find several explainations
In the internet. – ... As you can guess many men do have this
Problem.

Best
Justus

P.S.: IF your problem is psychological (this would be the case if
Your problem only appears with some (or even one) specific women)
You would have to tell a little more about your relationship.
If it's physical, which I pretend it is, – get your PC muscle trained
During the next few month.

[fullmoon99]

Are you still having this problem?

[CravenMorhead]

Given the fact that they haven't been back in over two years, I would think it has been resolved one way or another.

It is better to focus on the active topics where the questioner is still participating. Chances are here the poster will never read your post, or mine for that matter.

[Synnen]

Or any further posts, because this thread is closed