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jcsmooth141 · Jun 8, 2008, 12:47 PM

So my ex-girlfriend and I broke up after high school, yet we attended the same college. Both of us have grown separately, and from what it seems have both grown more confident and mature. I was completely over her, and have been dating a lot of other girls for a while, but none have really come close when compared to her. Recently, her brother who I was very close with during our relationship, developed Leukemia. In addition to this, she got upset when one of her friends asked me out on a date. I addressed this with her, and took a stern approach, telling her that I didn't owe her anything, she had never made an attempt to be my friend after breaking up with me, etc. Two months later, I received a message from her saying that she was sorry for never trying to be my friend after the breakup, and that shed like to start a friendship. We met for coffee, played catchup, she explained how she has a new boyfriend and that he's a good guy. As I was getting ready to drop her off, she started to get a little bit choked up, and said that her actions regarding the date involving her friend were because she still cared. Furthermore, she went on to say that she has been thinking about me a lot lately. I didn't know how to react until a few days had passed, and asked her to meet me for coffee again. She seemed nervous at first, and we talked about what had happened, and it seemed like she was trying to avoid the issue at all cost. I explained to her that I would never wait around for any girl, but that she set very high standards for what I look for in a girlfriend (a comment she had made to me when I was starting a new relationship a while ago). Eventually we both let our guard down and got into casual and comfortable conversation. We left on a good note, and it seemed like she didn't want to let go of me when we hugged goodbye.

What do I do? I've thought long and hard, I know that I can find it in my heart to give her another chance, but is she doing this out of guilt? Or does she truly have feelings for me still and she doesn't know how to go about getting me back? Any help is appreciated.

Biscman · Jun 8, 2008, 12:55 PM

I Think you two are going to get back together. She obviously still has feelings for you. You never mentioned why you broke up?

jcsmooth141 · Jun 8, 2008, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by jcsmooth141

So my ex-girlfriend and I broke up after highschool, yet we attended the same college. Both of us have grown separately, and from what it seems have both grown more confident and mature. I was completely over her, and have been dating a lot of other girls for a while, but none have really come close when compared to her. Recently, her brother who I was very close with during our relationship, developed Leukemia. In addition to this, she got upset when one of her friends asked me out on a date. I addressed this with her, and took a stern approach, telling her that I didn't owe her anything, she had never made an attempt to be my friend after breaking up with me, etc. Two months later, I received a message from her saying that she was sorry for never trying to be my friend after the breakup, and that shed like to start a friendship. We met for coffee, played catchup, she explained how she has a new boyfriend and that hes a good guy. As I was getting ready to drop her off, she started to get a little bit choked up, and said that her actions regarding the date involving her friend were because she still cared. Furthermore, she went on to say that she has been thinking about me alot lately. I didnt know how to react until a few days had passed, and asked her to meet me for coffee again. She seemed nervous at first, and we talked about what had happened, and it seemed like she was trying to avoid the issue at all cost. I explained to her that I would never wait around for any girl, but that she set very high standards for what I look for in a girlfriend (a comment she had made to me when I was starting a new relationship a while ago). Eventually we both let our guard down and got into casual and comfortable conversation. We left on a good note, and it seemed like she didnt want to let go of me when we hugged goodbye.

What do I do? I've thought long and hard, I know that I can find it in my heart to give her another chance, but is she doing this out of guilt? or does she truely have feelings for me still and she doesnt know how to go about getting me back? any help is appreciated.

Sorry I forgot to mention, we broke up after high school because we were to fixated on the future, and thought that we would be together forever. It got too overwhelming, and she got scared first and decided to end things.

RedneckMama · Jun 8, 2008, 01:02 PM

One thing you got to remember about exes is this: you broke up for a reason... Now, you didn't mention here what your reason was or if that reason is no longer relevant now that the both of you have grown more confident & mature...

If a girl does feel guilty about breaking up with an ex... or getting pissed because he's dating her friend and she's against it... or for whatever reason, she's not likely to try to date you in order to alleviate her guilt...

It seems to me if she's willing to meet up with you, and all you ever talk about is what the two of you had/have together... and then she's anxious about letting you go after coffee is over... and you've both admitted to thinking about each other; then it seems she's still interested...

Maybe she's not moving forward with it because she's not sure if you're willing to go the distance with her... She's started a new relationship with a 'good guy', she may be feeling apprehensive about breaking it off with him to go back to the guy who she already has a past with... she may also see your 'taking a stern approach' with her regarding the dating the friend situation as a sign that you're into her friend.. into dating others rather than her...

If you want an answer from the only person in this world who could tell you without a shadow of a doubt if she still loves you... then ask her flat out... what do you have to lose?

Biscman · Jun 8, 2008, 01:03 PM

I would just go with the flow. If its meant to be it will happen. Keep dating and stay loose. My so in NC State is going through the sane scenario.

At the end of the day if you really want to get back with her there's nothing wrong with just coming out and ask her? What's the worst that could happen. She either says yes and everyone happy or she says no and you move on.

Bottom line you need to bring closure to this so you can move on with her or without her.