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bibi · Jan 26, 2006, 07:49 AM

I just reacently broke my virginity. Its was damn painfull!!

There is just one problem, I don't feel any pleasure while my man is thrusting. We don't get to do it often but when we do its still sore. He is very gentle though. OK, he is african so he is BIG. I nid some help.what is wrong with me. And no, I was not circumsized or any weird stuff like that. I just want to feel pleasure when am making love to my love.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 26, 2006, 10:40 AM

Ok just a note, I do hope you are old enough to understand fully what you are doing,

And next I hope you understand that you have to use protection not only for pregnancy but also the 100's of other things you can catch.

As for pain yes the first couple of times can be more painful.

I will not go into a sex class here ( others will surely give better links for that) but sexual pleasure comes from proper foreplay and the emotional enjoyment of being with the one you care for. Tell him to slow down and make sure you are enjoying this also.

Also race does not make size,

bibi · Jan 27, 2006, 07:51 AM

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I am old enuf and I could not have done it with a beta person. I do lve the guy and I do believe we do enuf foreplay.

fhforever19 · Jan 27, 2006, 08:26 AM

Is that it will hurt for a while. Depending on his size, and yours for that matter. I started to have sex when I was 16, and no matter what I did it still hurted for a full year. Just take your time! And you will feel pleasure soon!

Feli

bizygurl · Jan 27, 2006, 10:42 AM

Sometimes it takes awhile, I didn't really start enjoying it until almost a year after I lost my virginity. Your body just needs to get use to it, I promise it will. This happens for most people.

Chery · Jan 27, 2006, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by bibi

i just reacently broke my virginity. its was damn painfull!!!!

there is just one problem, i dont feel any pleasure while my man is thrusting. we dont get to do it often but when we do its still sore. he is very gentle though. ok, he is african so he is BIG. i nid some help.what is wrong with me. and no, i was not circumsized or any wierd stuff like that. i just want to feel pleasure wen am making love to my love.

http://www.sextutor.com/masturbation_female.shtml

There are a lot of good books and sites that will help you learn about sexuality and the joys of it. Also, remember that in this day and age, there are many dangers out there too, so please by all means, read up on the diseases you can get if not properly protected. It would be a shame to have your life shortened by not getting educated.

The site above will help you get to learn your body and what you like to get 'ready' for those 'quickies' as you explained that you don't get together that often, and probably don't have much time. Time, however, is what you need to prepare yourself mentally and physically for an enjoyable sexual encounter. The worst thing you both can do is to just 'get to it' without massaging, feeling, and learning about each other, so that you can get ready for the final 'act'. There is more to sex than just the thrusting - that's not respectful of the guy, and will hurt the girl, no matter what age, or how long she's been sexually active.

Another important thing is to communicate with each other, tell him that you are still dry and it hurts - make him consider you and wait until you are ready. There are also some lubricating gels that you can purchase and they might help make things easier, so tell him to get some and by all means, a lot of condoms with lubricant on them.

This experience in your life's chapter should be fun, not a chore, so again, talk to him and make him understand that you need to enjoy it too.

All the luck, and please keep us posted.

Keep in mind: Safety first will reduce panic later!

educatedhorse_2005 · Jan 27, 2006, 10:04 PM

How about lubrication
That always helps

Chery · Jan 28, 2006, 06:03 AM

Originally Posted by Demonspeeding_2005

how about lubrication
that always helps

Sorry, but post-virginal tissue and mental state are not always 'ready' for a quicky - no matter how much lubricant is used. I did suggest a gel and lubricated condom, but that's only a minor part (condom important for safety, yes) but getting emotionally 'ready' is something that not all males understand and need to learn about.
Learning about human sexuality is something the couple should share together and communicate about way before it's even practiced.

educatedhorse_2005 · Jan 28, 2006, 07:00 AM

Lubrication always helps in this situation
If the lady went to a doctor that is what he would tell her

bibi · Jan 30, 2006, 05:17 AM

K thanks. Will try lubrication. Tem let you know how it wenr. Its no that we have quickies as such. Its just that we don't ge enuf tym with each other to get spontainious sex its af if we have to plan for it. Its an 'are you free later' situation. We bith in univercity and have lot of work to do. One year you say. One year?? Wow, that a long time to wate, but lucky for me he is gentle and patiant. But bsides the physical pain, it hurts me that he too is frustrated. He doesn't really say it bt I can c it in his face. Anyway, thanks a lot you guyz, I will keep you posted. And yedd I do approve of your advice. :)

DJ 'H' · Jan 30, 2006, 05:30 AM

I was 17yrs old when I lost my virginity and I did it with the guy I was with at the time and he is one of best friends to this day. I don't regret it. It took me a quite a few months before I started enjoying it as well. It's nothing to worry about and by reading others posts, it sounds perfectly normal.

bibi · Jan 31, 2006, 02:55 AM

Hey dj 'h', thanks for your reply. So during the time you felt nothing was it painfull.

To others out there, how long did you feel pain?
Should I do it more often so as to get used to it and overcome the pain? If I use lubrication will the pain be less?
And also, is it possible that the guy is just too big for me or can any girl 'accomodate' anyone regardles of his size?

??

DJ 'H' · Jan 31, 2006, 04:00 AM

Originally Posted by bibi

hey dj 'h', thanx for your reply. so during the time you felt nothing was it painfull.

to others out there, how long did you feel pain?
should i do it more often so as to get used to it and overcome the pain? if i use lubrication will the pain be less?
and also, is it possible that the guy is just too big for me or can any girl 'accomodate' n e one regardles of his size?

??????

Yes it was a little painful for the first few times. After a while the pain disappeared, but the enjoyment of it did not surface. I just allowed myself time to get used to it and eventually I started to enjoy it. It's like anything new, it's always a little strange and unpleasant at first - but once you have been doing it for a while, it becomes second nature.

It could be that you have not been broken in properly yet, and lubricant may help you. You always need to make sure you are moist down below and not dry. If you are dry it is going to be painful, but if you partner uses foreplay on you first and gets you moist enough, then there will be no pain. There is no wrong way to do this, you and your partner just have to educate each other. Somewhere a long the line, you will forget what you were worrying about in the beginning!

Chery · Jan 31, 2006, 07:18 AM

Originally Posted by bibi

k thanx. will try lubrication. tem let u know how it wenr. its no that we have quickies as such. its just that we dont ge enuf tym with each other to get spontainious sex its af if we have to plan for it. its an 'are u free later' situation. we bith in univercity and have lot of work to do. one year you say. one year??? wow, that a long time to wate, but lucky for me he is gentle and patiant. but bsides the physical pain, it hurts me that he too is frustrated. he doesnt really say it bt i can c it in his face. n e way, thanx a lot u guyz, i will keep u posted. and yedd i do approve of your advice. :)

If he is as gentle and patient as you say he is, then he should not have any problem reading up on the subject that I included on the link in Post #5. At any rate, if you do make a date, then you have time to emotionally get yourself ready, and look forward to it instead of thinking about the pain or what people might think of you two together. This should be between just you and him, and if you have any doubts at all, then you'll not get excited about the encounter, which should be fun.
If everything is right emotionally, then maybe you might see a doctor and check if he can do an estrogen test on you. Some women have a tendency to get sore because their skin inside might be too dry - just like dry facial skin, or dry hands, this happens inside too. There is an estrogen cream that you can use to soften yourself inside and it works fine for us older women. I use it all the time and since I discovered it, it has made sex more fun. I'm a little older than you (55), but sometimes skin can be dry earlier in life.
It could also be psychological - my ex-husband was a wife beater, and I never got lubricated because I hated to be with him. So anything is possible at this stage, and if it really worries you, talk with your b/f and figure out a solution for both of you.
No matter what, I hope you soon will get to enjoy sex they way it should be and that you'll soon get over the fear of 'pain' every time you think of sex.
I also had a friend who tried a small vibrator first, then advanced to larger ones until she was finally comfortble and her physical structure was adjusted. Anything is worth a try, and I wish you luck in finding the right solution.

This may sound funny, but skin, like new shoes can learn how to stretch, it takes time.

bibi · Feb 1, 2006, 04:39 AM

Thanks chery. You seem a lotmore xperiance. I wus chating on the net about my stuation and someone asked if the pain I fell is is because he is hittig on my cevix. And yes, when he does thrust in deeper, I feel added pain. So what's the solution to that. Must he not go in to his maximum length?

And your friend with the vbrator, are you saying it that the vagina needs time to adjust to size. And with that do you advice me to do it as often as I can so as to reach that adjustment a.s.a.p

Thank you chery and evey one else foe that matter

Chery · Feb 1, 2006, 05:39 AM

Some men find pleasure in going 'all the way' even though they know that it hurts, but they don't need to to get an orgasm. So, if your b/f is also not just too wide, but too long too, ask him not to 'dig for gold' because what's really most sensitive in a man is the tip, and he should have no problems with his pleasure. Once he's got you started and you are ready to orgasm too, then he can thrust and you'll not feel much pain at that 'special moment', so make sure you talk to him and that he understands.

As far as the vibrators, practice with them, but not every day - I don't think you need to go that far.

Please remember, sex is not everything, and can be fun if gone about the right and sensible way without being all stressed about it.

Your young virginal tissues need to get used to the stretching, just like every other ligament or tissue in your body - so take it easy and find some good books on the art of making love and read them together.

Again, good luck, and thanks for the compliment.

bibi · Feb 1, 2006, 06:19 AM

Your a star,thanks. Will get back to u. I'm going to try usng lubrication for now. I hear ky jelly is one of the best.

139033 · Oct 8, 2009, 03:39 AM

May be your partner is not able to bring you to that "point"
Ask him to play more...

sweetie97 · Aug 10, 2011, 11:16 AM

Hiya! Well I lost my virginity around 3 monthes ago, and yes, it was increbibly painful! But he was so supportive and I'm so happy to have chared that with him, been together 9 monthes before we did it. It was the best thing to share! Since then we have had sex a lot, and I know it's amazing for him, but a lot of the time I do pretend to have a big O... lol. But it's so annoying because I want to enjoy it as much as he does, so I'm also questioning when it will start to feel great like it does with him :/

sweetie97 · Aug 10, 2011, 11:19 AM

Hiya! Well I lost my virginity around 3 monthes ago, and yes, it was increbibly painful! But he was so supportive and I'm so happy to have chared that with him, been together 9 monthes before we did it. It was the best thing to share! Since then we have had sex a lot, and I know it's amazing for him, but a lot of the time I do pretend to have a big O... lol. But it's so annoying because I want to enjoy it as much as he does, so I'm also questioning when it will start to feel great like it does with him :/