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Fr_Chuck · Oct 12, 2007, 10:05 AM

I read post after post, and the questions got me wondering, in today's normal dating, if there is such a thing, how many dates do you go out on before you have sex. I know some would never till married and some don't know the others name, But with the amount of sexual issues we get questions on, I am wondering what is today's normal standard

LeanneDucan · Oct 12, 2007, 10:25 AM

2 months minimum if you are serious about the person
2 days max if you aren't serious about them, nor are they about you and you both agree you want sex only.
And never ever ever at all have sex with someone who wants a relationship with you if you don't want the same. No matter how tempted you are!

It is perfectly fine these days for consenting adults male or female to enjoy no strings sex while single as long as you aren't playing with anyone's heart. As for waiting for marriage before sex, that is up to personal preference, but I will add that it is not essential. I will also add that some women hold out on sex until marriage as a way of manipulating a man who is keen on her into marrying her. 9x out of ten this will end in divorce within roughly 5-7 years!

N0help4u · Oct 12, 2007, 04:37 PM

From what I see it is jump in bed, ask questions later.
I can't tell you how many guys don't ask me to go out with them, they ask for sex.
I say we could go out for lunch and talk and get to know each other. They act like that is like really odd. Then I tell them,
"I don't want a dead end love 'em 'n leave 'em thing and I ain't no sloppy second. They can get that a dime a dozen somewhere else." They still don't get that maybe they might get somewhere if they treated me like they are actually interested in me and a long term relationship. Or maybe they just want the dime a dozen.
Then as Leanne says if you want a relationship and they don't -forget it! But unfortunately often the one that doesn't want a relationship will act like everything you always wanted and act like they do want a real relationship for awhile until they can't put on the act any more.

Wondergirl · Oct 12, 2007, 04:43 PM

I'm guessing there is no such thing as "no-strings sex".

Recent surveys have found that women especially tend to invest emotions in even a "one-night stand," perhaps do it with the hope a relationship will develop or for other reasons that are tied to their heartstrings. The same can be true for males, but is much more common for females.

shygrneyzs · Oct 12, 2007, 05:57 PM

How many dates before sex? That is tough. But I would say within half a dozen dates the woman knows if the chemistry to have sex is there or not. But I hear it all the time about men and women who move in with each other after the first date and then a month later they are in court fighting. I would rather wait and date long term before making a sexual decision. The longer a person dates, the more "true" character of the other person is revealed.

michealb · Oct 12, 2007, 06:00 PM

I don't think it is something you can set general rules for. Depends on the night and what your looking for and who the other person is.

MOWERMAN2468 · Oct 12, 2007, 07:01 PM

Chuck, you know my views on this, wait for marriage. But I find that we are "old school".

unknown624 · Oct 12, 2007, 10:04 PM

Never before marriage... ever. It's especially the worst when they break up with you. So I would never have sex unless I'm completely committed to one person, and they are completely committed to me! :)

Synnen · Oct 12, 2007, 11:19 PM

Most of you know my opinion on this as well---DON'T wait until marriage, as sex is too important a part of marriage to NOT know if it's going to work before you tie the knot forever. I think sex before marriage is better than divorce because of sexual differences, frankly.

As far as how soon--well, I dated one guy for 2 years before we had sex, and one guy I had sex with on the 3rd date and THEN dated him for 1.5 years. Those are the extreme ends--but the average is generally 6 months before sex. If he couldn't wait that long, he wasn't usually worth my time and effort. Likewise, that standard weeded out the guys that were only looking to get into my pants--they gave up after a couple dates.

I realize, though, that I'm pretty open-minded and unconventional about sex in general, so my history probably isn't the best for what the general populace does.

BiWiccanAndProud · Oct 17, 2007, 10:20 PM

Well I'm not sure... I've only had sex with one guy and that is my current boyfriend whom I love more then anyone in this world. And I don't usually go on dates. I go on one date with a guy or girl and then we just hang out and talk and not go on actual dates... it's to formal. But I waited 4 months of knowing my boyfriend and 4 months of dating before having sex with him. That's 8 months total. I wanted to wait till marriage but when my last relationship got sexual I found out my ex was using me. I love my boyfriend so much I had to see if things would change between us before I fell in love with him even more. Basically I did what Synnen just talked about, I wanted to make sure things would work with me and my boyfriend cause I love him enough to marry him.

Most the time though I've known girls who wait till they have known the guy well enough to actually care. Then again a lot of girls at my school just want to have sex. I don't think there are any real standards. It's just the option of do I want a sex life in my relationship or do I want a one night stand.

kirriky · Oct 18, 2007, 06:03 AM

6 months before sex? Open-minded and unconventional? I see...

jillianleab · Oct 18, 2007, 08:44 AM

I don't know that there is a "standard". It's so different for everyone. Some people hop in bed with anyone they can get their hands on (which makes you question underlying psychological issues, but anyway) and others firmly want to wait until they are married. I grew up with several people who as young teens couldn't wait to do it, and others who waited until late teens, early 20's. I know one person who waited until she was married (in her mid 20's) because of her religious beliefs. I think a lot of it depends on what both parties are looking for, and who you and the other person are. Some people go out to a bar to pick someone up, taken them home and have sex - that's the goal. Other people look for a relationship of sorts, others look for a strong commitment... it's very different from person to person.

I agree with synnen about NOT waiting until marriage; sex is a very important part of one's marriage and if you and your spouse are not sexually compatible, it could spell trouble. That's why I also advocate living together before getting married, but I know both of those things go against many people's religious beliefs.

MMJenkins · Nov 27, 2007, 01:43 AM

I do agree that sex is a large part of marriage, however, I don't know how many marriages actually end in divorce due to incompatibility in bed.
Personally, I think that it's way too scary now days to have casual sex. I'm glad that I'm happily married and not dating anymore.
For the record, my husband and I waited more than 6 months because we were building a friendship first (call me old fashioned) but we're still happily married... and very much sexually compatible!